Ok, you have to hand it to this "Mari" demon, this idea really isn't so bad. It's not far off from what you typically get up to with your 20 year supply of unenjoyable provisions.
But you usually forge a life sized replica of the Bard from Bard Quest out of your rations. You make a new one every week, and time it carefully such that the MOMENT it begins smelling a little rank, you eat it so as not to waste food and accelerate your demise.
A Jester Lover is a great suggestion. You don't know why it never occurred to you, but yes, your Food Bard has been getting a little lonely after all these years. He needs a lover. A lover like YOU.
> Next.