Well, at least we kept the universe alive.

TW: Badassery ensues. (Just one word: Snowman.)

>Mary: Liveblog all of The Intermission. Do it now.

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And the day has come, in which I finally find out what this famed intermission is all about. The day you guys finally stop pestering me about how relevant it is. I SHALL FIND OUT AND END THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL.

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This better be interesting, and by interesting I mean the it better feature The Midnight Crew. We got a very green… residence?? palace?? mansion?? Under a very purple sky.

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YEAAAHHH. Here he is, here he freaking is. He wears a more suitable hat for the occasion. I’m not used to seeing him in such a businessman attire. However, the “what did I do to deserve this” expression is still there. Pissed no matter the time or the place. It’s his personal mantra. Spades Slick/Jack Noir/Whoever the heck he really is/’s mantra. Pick your choice. 

THAT REMINDS ME:

Objectives of this intermission:

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Oh, and The Felt should be part of Homestuck! I had forgotten about the green dudes! Also we’ve got a loathsome boss now!

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Seems like a good idea. I mean… This Lord English is apparently effing loaded. Also, he seems to like green a lot. Does the lighting make everything appear green or everything IS green? That would make it degenerate into weird obsession. Not that we don’t have enough of them already.

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I LIKE HIM. He gives me a good vibe. Not in the sense that he is a good guy, I MEAN THAT HE HAS MUCH POTENTIAL TO BE A GOOD CHARACTER!

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Did they… get through the door with an explosion? That is not even a carpet, it’s a POOL TABLE. What!?

And there is an awful lot of clo—

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I guess that’s another way of calling them…?

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They probably HEARD you enter and are preparing an ambush? It’s not like you guys were trying to take them by surprise.

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Chaptalogue? Dude doesn’t know what chaptalogue even means. Step up your game, suggestions’ suppliers.

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I TOLD YOU SO. Now you get the insults.

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OH, MY GODNESS! He stores two cards as a weapon! The cruelty! Think of all the papercuts he has inflicted on his enemies as they asked for mercy! It’s too much, I cannot watch this!

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He might be the pseudo-protagonist of the Intermission like John is the pseudo-protagonist of Homestuck but I think the similarities stop here! He doesn’t look like some dork now, does he? You guys can get John to build thousands of other forts when we get back to him. 

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Wow, if he indeed is in The Medium, keep him away from time players!

4/1000??!!!? The intermission is not just watching this dude destroying all the clocks he encounters, right?

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It’s a rug? I thought it had a mechanism to draw it from the floor? I was kinda hoping that The Midnight Crew and The Felt might settle everything up through a nice game of pool. Who wins gets the content of English’s vault, ya know?

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…Should I take the Mars possibility more seriously? After all, the trolls have been hinted to be aliens… Well, “hinted to” is not the right word, more like I chose to remain skeptical. The jury is still out on that one.

Jack Noir knew about humans, though?? Maybe they’re not the same person? Or maybe this is just set in the past? When he wouldn’t know what humans were yet?

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Not anything eyebrow-raising, absolutely n— WHOOOOOAAAA. WHOOOOAAAAAAAAAAA.

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HELL FUCKING YEAH, BARCODE TATTOO. Okay, so he is in The Medium. Part of the Black Army. Same species as our fellows carapace-furnished friends. WAIT. NOPE. FUCK. Not in The Medium?? I doubt they have casinos in the Dark Kingdom. Ugh. We’ll just have to wait and see. I mean… I will wait and see.

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He likes his hats plain, sorry. He might or might not get some pyromaniac tendencies when fancy hats are in sight though. You have been warned. He gets particularly amenable If YOU are the one doing the burning.

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Why conceal them? Why not SHARE?! He is getting dangerously close to the dork status. A shame, I had great hopes for him.

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GREAT HOPES… FADING INTO THE DARK VOID… OR THE GREENISH VOID… Since everything is freaking green in the intermission.

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I’m beginning to suspect that a character that is not a dork does in fact not exist in this webcomic.

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Okay, but if he was in the Dark Kingdom… Wouldn’t he have seen Rose and Dave there? Therefore knowing about humans?? They did have towers designed just for them, after all… I’M CONFUSED.

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IT’S FUCKING BLINKING AT ME. FREAKING CREEPY. It should probably be worse for Spades Slick though. Because he is literally an alien creepily staring into his eyes.

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WAIT TILL HE NOTICES THIS CLOCK. Welp, this was a nice laptop. It’s too bad it’s going to be set on fire sometime soonish.

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Mr. Slick, with all due respect for your hard-boiled gangster lifestyle, YOU GOTTA SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND READ IT! Honestly, you cannot rush these things, even I don’t understand shit half of the time.

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Oh. I thought he would go for something more violent, actually.

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LIKE THIS, YEAH. 

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An alternative version:

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Their hats have the design of the fifteen pool balls. Their body is the fucking color of the pool table’s cloth (WHICH IS ALSO REFERRED TO AS FELT).

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TIME SHENANIGANS. Okay, the good news is that I absolutely love time shenanigans, the bad news is that it doesn’t mean I don’t have an exceptionally hard time figuring them out. Oh, and remember how Dave had a poster of these dudes in his room?? He probably likes time travel and such! Because he is gonna be the Knight of Time! He is naturally predisposed! I think Dave will make a great Knight. See, all these little details and the way in which apparently nothing is a coincidence are really charming.

ITCHY (1) has given you the slip repeatedly.

It’s almost like he gets itchy feet when he sees you. Damn.

DOZE (2) you’ve captured and interrogated just as repeatedly, to no avail.

Known to doze off during interrogations. What gives?!

TRACE (3) has broken into your secret hideout more times than you can count

You can’t even track him down. Dude doesn’t leave any traces, it’s incredible.

while FIN (5) always seems to be a step ahead of you and scoops your heists.

This guy once managed to leave you without even a five-dollar bill. Rude.

CLOVER (4) has all the intel and is highly cooperative. You might need him to crack the vault. He’ll be guarded.

The lucky bastard. You wonder if he has any sort of charm on himself… Like maybe the four leaf of some plant, plant whose name is— Damn, it’s on the tip of your tongue. Oh, yeah. Bamboo plants, obviously. The four green bamboo shots. Obviously.

Best to avoid DIE (6) in any direct confrontations unless you want a temporal mess on your hands.

Honestly, you never know what to expect with this fellow. It’s like throwing a die or something. It is rumored that he even managed to deep-six someone once.

And you might need to if you can’t kill SAWBUCK (10) with a clean shot.

Sawbuck and Fin are best friends but Fin says that the guy thinks too highly of himself, like he is worth more of Fin or something. One time he said that one would need two Fins to get someone as strong as— OH, FUCKING DAMMIT. Fin is number five and Sawbuck is ten. I quit.

LOOK AT THIS ABOMINATION:

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…..This intermission is not just an outlet for a demonstration of Andrew Hussie’s punning abilities, RIGHT?!

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Eggs is obviously the strongest and smartest. Look at that face. Those focused eyes, the slightly agape mouth. He leaves no room for imprecision.

And Slick, you’re missing a certain someone. Number Eight.

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OH, PLEEEEAAASE. Lord English’s appearance is anything but mysterious. There is only one ball missing here. Take a guess? I will use my incredible artistic abilities to make a fanart of him and 8.

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This is my first fanart!!!! I accept tips for improvement! I know it is almost impossible to topple this quality, but you can try.

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OOOOHHH, I know why, I know why!!! Snowman is probably only killable under certain circumstances!

Pocketing the 8 ball

Once all of a player’s or team’s group of object balls are pocketed, they may attempt to sink the 8 ball. To win, the player (or team) must first designate which pocket they plan to sink the 8 ball into and then successfully pot the 8 ball in that called pocket. If the 8 ball falls into any pocket other than the one designated or is knocked off the table, or a foul (see below) occurs and the 8 ball is pocketed, this results in loss of game. Otherwise, the shooter’s turn is simply over, including when a foul such as a scratch occurs on anunsuccessful attempt to pocket the 8 ball. In short, a World Standardized Rules game of eight-ball, like a game of nine-ball, is not over until the “money ball” is no longer on the table.

Or literally after everyone else is killed. Doing otherwise would result in the Midnight Crew’s demise! …Most likely.

Also interesting:

Sidespin (english) 

The term english (called “side” in the UK, and sometimes simply called “left” or “right”, and sometimes “check side” for side that narrows the cue ball angle after contacting a rail, and “running side” for side that widens the cue ball angle after contacting a rail) normally refers to sidespin put on a cue ball by hitting it to the left or right of center. Generally, english is used to change the angle of reflection of the cue ball after it contacts a rail. English also affects the direction an object ball takes on impact (the “throw” effect), as well as the path of travel of the cue ball after impact with a cue (“deflection” or “squirt”).

English as in Lord English. It’s a cue sports technique. Though I’m not sure what it means. Maybe because he gives order to the others? Gives them directions? Maybe I will understand better when I see him? Also “killing”/pocketing the cue ball makes you automatically lose. So I suggest that The Midnight Crew stays away from him. 

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I….. Well, huh. Some of those routes bring you back to where you started, Slick. And I’m perplexed by the red one. Do you just smash walls until you get to your destination? OR A SECRET PASSAGE!!!

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Nope, the way he stores items is the most nonsensical thing I’ve ever seen. I would gladly return to John’s Queuestack Array modus.

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SLICK! SOMEONE HAS BEEN DESTROYING CLOCKS! WITHOUT YOUR SUPERVISION! THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! 

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Yup, that could even be YOUR blood. 

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APPARENTLY. And I guess he could be the one who destroyed those in the first place.

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I’m telling you, this Doze guy sleeps on the job. No wonder he gets captured. Someone should tell Lord English that a pay cut is in order.

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REALLY NOW? REALLY?!

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Oh, my! The light pressure of that horrible edgeless object on the soft skin of his knee! It would make even the cruelest villain sing like a birdie!

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HE SLOWS TIME ONLY FOR HIMSELF?? That’s more like an handicap he’s imposing on himself. Like… self-hatred at its finest. 

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Well, I guess he feels the pain very very slowly… WHICH IS EVEN FREAKING WORSE?! It’s like torture—OH. I guess Deuce is not that off the track then. Only he should clear his schedule for the next two weeks so he can at least one word from Doze. Make that a month for a coherent period. A gap year for a confession. I’m sure Slick will understand if you ask nicely. He might even encourage you to leave. It might seem he’s trying to get rid of you in the beginning but believe me, Deuce, it’s for the good of the team.

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What… does that even mean…? What?!

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I can tell he and Slick do not get on very well. At all. Slick probably destroys clocks as his companion watches to enjoy the look of horror on Deuce’s face. True friendship here.

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LOOK AT THIS FUCKING DORK.

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WHY???!!!?? You know, I think I get why Slick looks always so pissed now. He’s probably on the verge of a mental breakdown, being in charge of someone like you.

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I think he is… kind of frowning right now…? No wait, he was like that before too. I say you should give up, little dude.

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ITCHY MAKES HIS RIGHTFUL ENTRANCE. A very fast entrance. Very very fast, BRO’s levels of fast. Did he free his friend?

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FOR A MOMENT I FEARED HE HAD DROPPED THAT THING WHILE ITCHY WAS UNDER IT. I FREAKED OUT.

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There is one black hat too many. Somewhere, another member of The Midnight Crew is swearing he will wreak revenge. Or just wreak Itchy in general.

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He is slowing down time ONLY FOR HIMSELF. You can’t even call it a chase, Deuce. You could take a trip around the whole mansion and even stop to gently caress every clock you find, have a chat with Snowman and Lord English, return and he wouldn’t have moved an inch.

It was Slick’s hat, and he is pissed. But honestly, when is he NOT? He’s accomplishing nothing more than smashing clocks. Seriously, reconsider your priorities, man.

Slick, you clever sonuvabitch, are you trying to do what I think you are trying to do?

(I’m definitely resorting to use only Nicolas Cage for reaction pics, you cannot stop me.)

ITCHY! You can’t fall for this kind of trap. Although it’s hard not to when it was meant to make you trip. (I am angry because there is a perfect Italian word for what Slick just did, but an English translation of it doesn’t exist.)

NOT A DORK. HE IS NOT A DORK. I MISJUDGED, I’M SO SORRY. ITCHY, RUN!!! RUN LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!! It kind of does, actually…

NOOOOOOO! I liked Itchy!

So he DOES plan to kill Snowman too— No wait, nope. He included Lord English, didn’t he?

They are not in The Medium. In a city. Which was before a deserted land. Mmmmhh. We HAVE seen inhabitants of The Medium in deserted lands before…. I think I’ve got an idea but I want to search for more proof first. 

The first other emotion this dude shows beside rage and it is relief over his scotty dogs. 

I like how they all know each other so well. It’s like a get-together between old friends. Only one of them is a psycho assassin with a vendetta itinerary.

DID HE EVEN MOVE AT ALL??? Itchy died for nothing. Shame on you, Doze. Shame on you.

NOT ONLY THE ARMS, NOW THE RANDOM SPLOTCHES OF OIL ARE IN THE INTERMISSION TOO!

…..

……………Excuse me, but

I SWEAR TO GOD

EVEN THE FUCKING OIL HAS A MEANING WHAT THE HELL

I HAVE TO CHECK SOMETHING, BRB.

GOD

DAMMIT.

THE PANELS WERE EDITED SOME TIME AFTER BEING POSTED. AND ADAPTED TO NEW EVENTS OF THE STORY. 

So the arms probably DO come out of some sort of portal. Okay, this doesn’t add much to my previous theory, someone is messing up with space powers while they are trying to accomplish something. The question is WHO are they and WHAT are they doing? Maybe they were trying to get to just one place but messed up and showed up in various point? I do still think they are searching for something, the hand looks like it’s trying to reach for something, so they had a specific place in mind. Maybe they are not very well-versed with their powers?? IS THAT YOU, JADE??!! I’m telling you, she is trying to get back the bass she lost in the frog temple.

As for the oil, I’ve got no idea. Why should splotches of oil that weren’t in a place before show up later on? Unless John was cleaning up his house with Jade’s help and she distributed it across the whole universe. Hey, that’s not that wild of a theory, I like it!

DID HE JUST THROW A BOMB AT HIM?! He just threw a bomb at him. FUCKING WONDERFUL, DEUCE. WHY DON’T YOU JUST BLOW THE PLACE UP.

THIS PUN MAKES ME EXCEPTIONALLY ANGRY.

He has… Itchy’s hat on. I’m not sure how I feel about that after he died.

And a trail of freshly spilled blood!

*tips hat* Mystery Arm, we meet again.

WHAT. How about you all learn about respect for the dead?!

I don’t know why but I found this really fucking funny for some reason and laughed for about three minutes.

Oh, dear. It’s about to get complicated, isn’t it? Should I take some notes?

That’s not a very fair approach! Also, what is Deuce doing here? Doesn’t he have a fugitive to catch? Doze probably managed to move a few inches! And he might want to stay away from his friends since he has a freaking bomb under his hat, just saying.

Oh, so Deuce is following Trace around. But won’t Trace notice? If he can see Droog’s trail in the past can’t he also see Deuce’s? THIS IS EFFING CONFUSING.

I say that for the sake of avoiding a paradox you should follow the trail of blood anyway and find out if it was you.

I LIKE THIS GUY’S STYLE.

You do not just HAPPEN to have a thing like that lying around, dude. Also, they never remember how they got stuff picturing humans.*pondering humming intensifies*

Wait these BULL PENIS CANES are a thing that exists?

OOOOH, GROSS!! DEUCE, THAT’S SO GROSS!!

This intermission is going to give me an headache sometime soon. I can feel it.

I’m pretty sure Itchy is bleeding over the carpet near a pissed off Slick right now??!?

Looks like someone is going to get their ass handed to them very soon~ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

THE SWIFT MOTHERFUCKER CANNOT ACCEPT DEFEAT.

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? That thing looks suspiciously similar to a voodoo doll.

Hey! It looks like every pin he has used represents the death of someone in the timeline he switches to. Now, THIS is a cool power. Or it would be if he didn’t cross paths with one hateful Spades Slick.

I’M SURE HE WILL. I’M SO SURE. There are more possibilities of Doze winning a marathon.

He is not dead, HE’S NOT DEAD. You can make it, Die! Jesus, how do you plan to survive more than three panels with a name like that!

No, wait. I like Slick a lot. If you switch timeline, I’m staying here with him. A universe without Spades Slick is a boring universe, anyway.

PFFFFTAHAAHAHAHA. Oh, dear. I had forgotten.

JOKES ASIDE NOW, IT’S SERIOUS THEORY TIME!!!!!

Look at the background, ignore the rest for now.

Now look at this:

Notice any similarities? The latter is post-apocalyptic Earth.

The ruins of a city in the background? A deserted land???

And Spades Slick, which just so happens to be a member of Black Army, lived here when there was just the desert.

Reminds me of a certain other planet, and a certain other black dude, although a way less violent one, years in the future (but not many) after the apocalypse. An apocalypse brought by a game. 

We’ve watched four kids in particular so far, bring the apocalypse on their planet. But it is also true that twelve other kids showed up, bringing with them the shame of also destroying their planet, and certainly not trying to hide it, the only difference lies in the fact that the planet they destroyed is not the Earth.

YES, I’M ADMITTING DEFEAT, THEY’RE ALIENS. And this would have been quite the shocking development if it wasn’t for the fact that the kids already made it clear but I just refused to believe it. But hey, better late than never! And this is/will be, supposedly, their home planet after the apocalypse. 

There is also a very pink/purple planet in the background. It has a little moon. And a green planet. They are kind of very close to each other.

WHAT. Friendly reminder that DAD beat our version of this dude senseless.

I LIKE THIS ONE TOO. I like them all, help.

I really, really like Hussie’s narrative style in this intermission. I hope we can get something like this again.

Have you tried setting the hands on four and thirteen? You should. But seriously, just get Stitch or someone else to do it for you.

I love how they understand and acknowledge The Felt’s time shenanigans but choose to just ignore them altogether, for the sake of their sanity.

OOOHHH, GODDAMMIT, BOXCARS! 

Now, because of your stupid kink, I will have to tag this post as NSFW and all kinds of questionable blogs will follow me!

I swear he sounds like he’s talking about BRO’s smuppets. He would invest thousands of dollars in his website. The two of them should meet.

OOOOHHH, COME ON. GROSS!!! READ A FUCKING BIBLE, GO TO CHURCH!! 

If the dude comes out of the oven, I quit.

JESUS. They’re a bunch of morons.

If he times up with Eggs, however… Biscuits and Eggs… Such an high calorie snack! Stay wary of these foes, Boxcars. Keep your beautiful figure.

Poor guy, he is raising the white flag. Give him a break.

This is… an incredible mess. Uhm. Droog is following the blood trail. Trace was following Droog’s past trail, but then he saw Deuce’s trail. Deuce is following Trace himself THEY WILL FUCKING END UP FOLLOWING EACH OTHER.

You know what? I take comfort in the fact that Droog shares my pain.

Old enemy fights, or PASSIONATE NIGHTS?! The mystery shall remain.

Fin is about to get punched in the face. And he set it up all by himself.

A LITTLE WORSE THAN GETTING PUNCHED. And I guess now we know who the owner of the bloody trail is.

~ DEAD CIVILIZATION  ~ Can you hear this sound? It’s the sound of one of my theories SMOOTHLY SAILING for once, you guys!

Man, I really like Spades Slick. Like a lot.

there hE GOES. THE DOLL RUSE WAS A……….. DISTACTION

……If I resort to using SBAHJ references as a meme ever again, please make Tumblr delete this blog. I do apologize for this one time. I am deeply sorry.

Oh, wow. Just, wow. Slick has got it all figured out. We got a voodoo doll now. YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A PIN FOR LORD ENGLISH, YOU DUMBASS. Also I’ve got an awful feeling that they didn’t really plan this through. You just break into the mansion of a dude who is indestructible?? Killable only through a spacetime glitch?? And you don’t have any kind of power or gun which can help you?? That’s pretty dumb. Slick has this horrible tendency of rushing into things without a plan. WHICH MEANS THAT JACK NOIR ALSO HAS IT. *scribbles notes*

Ah, yes. The Homestuck intermission, all sunshine and rainbows AND BLOODSHED AND ARSON. And aliens’ planets, let’s not forget the aliens’ planets.

You see, the thing is… I like to empathize with Droog, but I can’t. Because he may ignore time shenanigans but he also understands them completely, while I simply pretend to.

HAHA! This was a dig to the readers but I had figured that out already! Jokes on you, Hussie, jokes on you. When will this happen again? Never, I suppose.

dEUCE YOU ARE A FUCKING DIGRACE OF A MAN

aaaaaaaand Boxcars is screwed. Nobody will ever find him. I’m sorry, man. Your friend here is a goddamn idiot. You shall be remembered as the most glamorous member of the crew. Droog and his tailored suits might disagree but I don’t give a damn.

Deuce is now following the blood trail. Which means he is following Fin.

How come The Felt knows what a man is but Slick & Co. don’t?? Who are these guys anyway? WHERE DO THEY EVEN COME FROM?? I just… never thought too much of it. But I can’t just overlook it. Do we have an equivalent of them in our kids’ session? Are they even related to Sburb or are they just an alien race?

WASN’T THERE A BOMB UNDER IT?!

…………………THERE WAS.

Rest in fucking pieces, moronic green dudes.

Do not worry about the screams of anguish you can hear in the distance. Despite what you may think, it is not me. I’m definitely not getting extremely frustrated over this. The whole situation doesn’t even touch me. Relieved to hear that my mental sanity is indeed still intact, you may now return to your read.

……………………..I LIED.

In the name of sWEET JESUS AND HIS TWELVE APOSTLES GET OUT OF MY FUCKING SIGHT BEFORE I THROW SOMETHING AT MY MONITOR

……I won’t survive this intermission. If anybody finds this post in my drafts, spread my word. Do not let me die in vain. I will be famous as “The Girl who did not make it to the Fourth Act.” But more important than my fame, will be my clear message to any future Homestuck liveblogger or casual reader: “BEWARE OF THE INTERMISSION, and of what lies underneath the lovely appearence of its characters. It draws you in, but YOU SHAN’T EVER RAISE AGAIN TO SEE THE MORNING LIGHT— Am I getting ridiculous? Yes, I’m getting ridiculous, MOVING ON.

I find it really weird?? It’s stuck on 10:10.

IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT’S HOLY, PLEASE I NEED A POV SWITCH. I NEED IT NOW. At least I finally understood that Deuce’s problem (one of them) is that he has ADHD.

This brings back memories. I miss WV. I wonder of he and PM are still alive or what?

Awww, you do not hate time travel, Boxcars! You hate these two dudes’ time shenanigans! Well, Eggs’ time shenanigans. Biscuits hides in an oven.
That’s all he does. …BISCUITS IN THE OVEN OH DAMMIT.

Aaayyyyy. Who are you, cute little dude? I’m just minding my own business and idly pointing out that that clock is stuck on 4:13.

Imagine Slick finally getting to the vault and between his treasure and him there is only this little dude. Proposing time riddles. Giggling

SS: Droog, hold my hat for a moment.
DD: What are you—
SS: I don’t wanna get any blood of it.

*screams of agony as Clover gets murdered off screen*

SS: There. Riddle solved. Now, I do hope that munching sound I’m hearing is not related in any way to my scotty dogs. Right, Droog?!
DD: *gulps ruefully*

Do not just GIGGLE at that??!! That’s fucking evil??

Cairo overcoat?….He has got some questionable fashion tastes. Ugh. Also, If he can be killed only by spacetime glitches, I swear he will end up dead thanks to his own subordinates.

Such a beautiful dynamic that they have.

I actually understood that. This intermission is fucking me up.

Droog, afraid to tell you Fin is still alive and kicking. Well, not really kicking, more like he is dragging himself around but still.

THEY HAVE GOT MANNEQUINS WHICH REFLECT THEIR ACTUAL PHYSICAL CONDITION. ITCHY AND DIE ARE BURNED.

…death. Well, I’m sorry Fin but you fit the "Too Dumb to Live” trope perfectly.

Oh, no. My Deuce-free break has officially ended!

It’s incredible how the most prominent feature is the one invisible to the naked eye.

HE DONE FUCKED UP. I JUST MET YOU, STITCH, BUT YOU ARE MY FAVORITE ALREADY.

Really, Droog? Really?? There is a bomb here and a gun aimed to your friend’s head and that his your only concern?!

GO, STITCH! FUCK THEM UP!

I had great hopes for you, Stitch! Such a let down. Meanwhile Droog keeps making a show of just how much of a dork he really is. The Midnight Crew is just picking up objects and people at random. “This may help to deal with English” and “This other one could be useful”. You do not look very prepared nor professional. Also you got no idea how to deal with the dude, do you? 

Slick finally gave up and is going to ask for help from the professionals.

And off to another timeline we go!


“Just let me live in a word without that dude for a sec. Let me live the dream, I will be back… maybe." He really hates him, doesn’t he? 

…Even you’re not that crazy? What would be the consequences? Ominous much?

FUCKING FINALLY. Took you long enough, huh?

REVEAL YOURSELF.

BREAKING NEWS: SNOWMAN IS A LADY AND I’M A FUCKING IDIOT WHO KEEPS MISGENDERING EVERYONE. She’s black, tho?

That’s impossible. He’s constantly squinting menacingly. To keep the vicious gangster look on, ya know? Or he’s just short-sighted and can’t see very we—

OOOOH!!! OH, SHIT! OH, SNAP! OH, DEAR! DID SHE REALLY JUST WENT AND CASUALLY BLINDED HIM?? WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Stylish but illegal. She just walks away.

Look at Droog’s face he looks so totally done like "there they go at it again” IT’S MAJESTIC

AND SLICK JUST STANDING THERE. THIS WHOLE FLASH IS FUCKING AMAZING.

WHAT. WAIT, WHAT?! LIKE, THE WHOLE UNIVERSE. YOU DESTROY IT. IF YOU KILL HER.
…………………….I was thinking about more meaningless consequences. For real?? The universe??? How does that even work??? What if you only hurt her instead of killing her? Does the universe get hurt? What? And if she gets a cold? Does the universe get a cold too? …These are the sort of incredibly logical remarks one makes while liveblogging Homestuck.

Hey, she has like… reverse immortality. Because nobody would ever kill her. 

So if you don’t kill him with one clean shot, you jump to a random point in the timeline.

I thought you needed him to fix your main timeline??? Help out Boxcars?? Who’s about to get submerged by clones of Eggs and Biscuits?? That rings any bell??

WHOOOOOOOAAAAAA. YUP!!! I WAS RIGHT! 

Hey there, future Spades Slick, how is it going? Enjoy your right eye’s vision while it lasts!!

Do you guys think if we give PM, WV and AR some time they will build a city too? Beside Can Town, I mean. With all respect to WV as a major.

I don’t think that is a very good idea.

YOU’RE JUST BRINGING MORE ENEMIES BACK WITH YOU. It’s getting more and more clear that they have no idea what they’re doing or about to do. Which is partially why I don’t what is happening or what is about to happen.

YOU ONLY JUST NOTICED THAT.

AAAAAAAAUUUUUUGHHHHH. You’re all in this together, Slick. Plus this is all your fault anyway. 

Seriously? Dave did better than that and it wasn’t even intentional. IS THAT PAST!SLICK IN THE IN THE BACKGROUND?!

This is getting too meta to handle, seriously. Though, I don’t mind the concept of meeting and talking to your past and future selves. It’s really cool. 

And so a stable time loop was created.

Because you’ve got to do it in the future. Take note.

Someone put him out of his misery.

Three to go plus Lord English. Although I think that one will be more of an hassle. And since we want to keep the universe intact, we better leave Snowman alone. YOU GOT IT, SLICK?

They made him make The Midnight Crew’s mannequins!

Ooohh, but why! He looked cooler with it. More hard-boiled, you know? Like John’s imps.

WAIT, NO. You’ve got the wrong eye! That’s the left one there!

I SHOULDN’T LAUGH AT HIS MISFORTUNES BUT I DEFINITELY AM.

……His sprite. So sprites flip? INTERESTING.

Something tells me… that you really shouldn’t say that. Because that sounds awfully like horrible, very horrible ironic foreshadowing.

One moment he is beheading enemies left and right and the other he does… THIS.

I’M LAUGHING SO FUCKING HARD. OH MY GOD. I’m getting secondhand embarrassment. Snowman, go take your lance back and get out of his sight before he cries or something.

Slick, calm down. Your hate crush is showing. You got a weird obsession with the lady, I understand. She’s pretty out of your league, sorry buddy.

CLOVER IS FREAKING OUT. Run, you cute little shit, run!

You DO know that Boxcars is in that pile of bodies too, RIGHT?!

wATCH OUT, GUYS!!!!

There! He destroyed Eggs’ timer. Everything is sorted out. Now— 

Excuse me? Who sent this suggestion, seriously….

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FREAKING HELL. DID HE JUST… EAT HIM?? Boxcars! What did I say about high calorie snacks! Eggs this late in the afternoon, too.

Biscuits on the other hand might be more suitable.

He just…. hides in the oven. Amazing.

OH, FUCK— Wait. The oven doesn’t even have any real properties.

They put dynamite in the oven.

Maybe it’s the fact that you’re cracking open his boss’ vault? Just making a guess. Bit in all these deaths and explosions, where is Lord English?! He can’t be out, he left his stylish Cairo Coat here.

Clover, you dumb fuck. Couldn’t you just stay hidden? They are destroying clocks left and right anyway.

I just stood with my ear glued to the speakers for five minutes wondering if my computer broke or something and—

AUTHOR, ONE DAY, I WILL FIND YOU. IT WON’T BE PLEASANT.

I’m surprised Slick hasn’t killed him yet. Not gonna last though. He just wants information out of him.

Whoa, Clover! How about you don’t fucking jinx it?!

You could have tickled him into surrender. Talk about missed opportunities!

Droog, what the heck. I thought you didn’t know what humans were. And now I really have to tag this as NSFW!

CLOVER, NO. Preserve your purity! Someone cover his eyes, QUICK!

But it is obviously Cans about to plow through the wall Kool-Aid Man style.

HE PUNCHED HIM IN THE NEXT WEEK. HE PUNCHES PEOPLE THOUGH TIME. 

Sayonara, Boxcars. Now, Slick… What will you do?

We won’t see Boxcars for a year! Welp, we’ve got our version of the guy in the kid’s game session anyway …if DAD hasn’t killed him.

SLICK, NO! You’re gonna give Clover an heart attack! And probably kill everyone anyway!

I WAS KIDDING. I WAS JUST KIDDING. OH MY GOD. I WAS JUST FUCKING KIDDING. SLIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!!!!!I DIDN’T THINK IT WOULD REALLY HAPPEN! 

Snowman is alive though.

“Everyone’s dead except for you and you know who.”

And so Lord English just became Voldemort. Should have known. John looked suspiciously similar to Harry Potter. Do we start looking for horcruxes?

…Maybe that is NOT English’s treasure.

Welp, in another timeline Droog would have covered that, BUT SINCE YOU KILLED EVERYONE.

Just use your cool tattoo, Slick. The moment has come.

GET ON WITH—

Oh.

WHAT.

OOOOHHH, SNAP. It’s the most badass lady on the planet! Probably the only lady on the planet.

SHE’S GOT A WHIP. That will sting, Slick, and your tattoo is not going anywhere, so trust me, COME BACK LATER.

ALL HAIL THE QUE—

WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. DO NOT TRUST ME EVER AGAIN.

Snowman!!!! Calm the fuck down!!! You’ve got a problem! You can’t just show up and severe arms like th— OH MY GOD, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT.

The transformation… IS COMPLETED. Smile for the screenshot, Slick. So…. Umh, after you figure out a way not to bleed to death, that is… How do you plan on entering? OH, WAIT. No prob. Flipping sprites shenanigans.

THIS INTERMISSION IS GIVING ME SO MANY SATISFACTIONS.

WHOA! He found his capsule? Took you long enough! You built a city first!

Remember what was in WV’s capsule??? The contraption that let him talk to the kids?? Showed him the kids??

Oooh, man. I’m not sure I’m ready. I mean… I could get to see the trolls! Or another alien race but c'mon, it’s the the troll kids. It’s probably wishful thinking, but there is a minimal possibility!

Bleeding all over the place. And that in the corner had better not be oil.

OOOOOH, YEEEESSSSSSS. THEY DON’T HAVE TENTACLES AT LEAST. Still pretty ugly, but I expected way worse. So they have grey skin? And yellow eyes and horns. 

He prototyped a crab with more eyes than it should have. Which one is he anyway? I would go for CG, because carcino also means crab, but I’m not sure, could also be CA or CC. Because aquatic fauna, duh.

OOOOOH, MAN. They met in The Medium! Like Jade and PM! Nice!!!

Oh, no way. Yeah, REALLY ugly. I couldn’t see him very well in the tiny window. He looks like a vampire. Also stoned or something. Or just really tired. Get a nap, dude. Wait, no. Depends if there is a cruxiter tickling nearby or not.

Also, the cancer symbol on his t-shirt. Because aliens wear t-shirts. Makes sense. He is definitely CG. Nice to meet you, I guess???

WHAT. No! Already?! But I was meeting the trolls! And also! I didn’t even meet Lord English! Did he just die in the explosion or what?!? And I wanted to know where Snowman got off to! And what about Spades Slick? Will he find a first aid kit or just ignore his missing arm until he bleeds to death? UNFAIR!!! SO FUCKING UNFAIR!

Ugh. Well, I’ve got to see where the hell John ended up! And Rose! And Jade got her copies! So yeah, lot of nice stuff to look forward to but… I just wanted to see another troll? I was really starting to dig the intermission.

WELL, ACT 4 AWAITS!