So when do I get to meet Jade's secret circle of friends?

Should I be closing my inbox? Yes. Should I be replying to those asks? Definitely. What am I going to do? Keep liveblogging. See, I’m perfectly logical. I made the mistake of sneaking a peek to what came next and couldn’t stop.

You know, all this emphasis on the cue balls being useless are really making me think they are TOTALLY NOT.

When the MAGIC 8 BALL isn’t being frustratingly ambiguous, its forecast is always wrong! You have tested it numerous times with certain facts you know to be true.

It could be that you’re just interpreting the things you see wrong… If you are asking about stuff you’ve seen, I mean. AND I WOULD LIKE THIS. Jade has always been so coy about her powers, even when she freaked out about the meteor, she soon got to know what it was all about and the smugness came back.  Knowing what’s going to happen in advance would make anyone feel pretty safe. So she’s just playing along and doing what she’s supposed to, SHE HAS SEEN IT ALREADY, AFTER ALL. I want her to fuck up with a prediction VERY BADLY and be like “Shit. What do I do now!?!?”. THAT would be interesting. I’m not being mean to poor Jade, I just want to see what she’s all about. Ever heard of the advice people give to authors? Break your characters so that you can show your readers what they’re made of? Yeah.

This is its reply when you ask if it is your friend John’s birthday today. See? Stupid!

Hussie, you need to work better on the foreshadowing thing. This fits so well with my theory of Dad Egbert being John’s ADOPTIVE father. Today wouldn’t be John’s birthday, but the day he was adopted, assuming DAD doesn’t know on which day John was really born. …But in that case wouldn’t the cue ball just have said “No.”?? …Okay, maybe the cue balls really are just baloney.

…This happens when you guys suggest I speculate more.

You guess maybe it could be used as a reverse-prediction device, and always trust the opposite of what it says. But that seems dumb to you. And anyway, the thing gives you a bad vibe. You might consider smashing it, but you are a little superstitious about whatever ominous consequences that might have, even if the occult talisman in question is a cheap piece of garbage.

Jade has this thing where she immediately wants to smash and throw objects she dislikes. LIKE, CALM DOWN GIRL. I love her so far.

THAT IS NOT A PIECE OF JUNK THEN.

JADE. Just because she cannot play it… *sighs*

HELP, I’M CRYING.

One and the same.

I’m SO ANGRY. I’m really, really good at this stupid game and this is not an interactive page.

Someone should tell Jade to stop smashing the Fourth Wall.

Why is the fruit d-dancing…?

I’m actually really good at this. It’s so UNFAIR.

I WILL WRITE A LETTER OF COMPLAINT. I WILL FUCKING WRITE IT. FUCKING WATCH ME. I WILL FIGHT YOU, HUSSIE.

Oh, well. There is a lot of choice.

That doesn’t sound like an healthy diet for your pet, Jade!

THAT REALLY DOESN’T SOUND LIKE AN HEALTHY DIET FOR YOU PET, JADE!!!

…Was this a reader command? Did Andrew Hussie post the page, waiting for suggestions, not expecting anyone to say IRRADIATE IT, but then someone did and he was like “Welp, gotta roll with it. I will think about the implications later.”

Because I now will have to accept the fact that Bec enjoys eating irradiated food, and it doesn’t kill him. A weirdass pet for a weirdass owner, I guess.

I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS.

OH MY GOD.

It’s impossible to play in person? How do you not play it in person??? I should make a page for all the ridiculously ambiguous things Jade says.

No matter how talented you are I doubt you would be able to play that abomination with only two hands, who even built that thing. Why did YOU buy it?

Why, to grow your plants, of course.

I don’t even know what is up with her anymore. I… I give up. And she lives in a freaking tower. Only her grandpa’s laboratory is above her.

And John’s package is here, parachuting from the sky, no less! It is a present from John to Jade. 

WHAT. NO. WHY IS IT LANDING?! Jade, I refuse to believe you don’t shot your mail down with a slingshot, Animal Crossing style. I’m so disappointed.

SHE BECKONS THE DARK EMBRACE OF THE CREEPY PUPPETS. Dave could learn a thing or two, really.

Jade, stop smiling, your computer IS SMOULDERIN—

—WHAT THE HECKY HECK.

Oh, wow! I had forgotten technology was so advanced in 2009!!

Nice wallpaper…. Really…. immersive.

Hello, mystery arm! Pray tell, who is your mystery owner? But into Jade’s computer, rude! Shouldn’t be snooping in ladies’ properties! …Unless you are also a lady. …Or you have permission. Or you ARE Jade.

EXCUSEEEEE MEEEEEEE EX-FUCKING-CUSE ME

WHO ARE ALL THOSE PEOPLE!?!!!!!!;!¡!!!!!!! JADE??? I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION??? YOU HAVE OTHER FRIENDS??? BESIDES THOSE THREE DORKS?!!?!! OH MY SHIT.

OH NO. DO WE HAVE TO BRING ALL THOSE PEOPLE INTO THE MEDIUM!?!?! HAVE YOU SEEN THE FUCKING SCROLLBAR!?!?!? THEY ARE AT LEAST TWENTY! Twenty new introductions???? Twenty new guardians?!?!??

Waaaaiiiit. They’re not chums. They’re… trolls? They were a thing when I began to approach Facebook. It was hell. A  phenomenon of internet culture. More like… a disaster. Not so popular anymore, I think.  Memes are so much better.(I will get anon hate for saying this.) You find some assholes on YouTube who address themselves as trolls… but that’s it.

Ooohh, man. That’s too many people. That’s… way too many people. And apparently they’re all being not very nice to Jade? They are in her Trollslum list after all.

There’s carcinoGeneticist, the only one online (that I can see). AND PRETTY RANCOROUS. No, wait. they’re ALL pretty rancorous. That’s the default icon, not their mood. Dave would never select the grinning smiley. He always has the swaggy one on. …WITH SHADES.

ArachnidsGrip??? What kind of chumhandle is that? Well, carcinoGenetist is even worse. To be fair, John’s chumhandle is also ridiculous. And I was forbidden from looking up what ectobiology even is. Which is a spoiler in itself because I now know it is important.

Arachnidsgrip. A possessive person who likes spiders. A spider is symbol of persistence, mischief, but also malice. They could make an interesting character?? Unless they just like spiders.

carcinoGeneticist. Well, carcino has more than one meaning; one being cancerous and the other being crab. I would go with the latter to keep the animal motif but then there is Geneticist, so I wouldn’t exclude the first. Cancer does originate from a mutation of DNA, after all. …Cancerous Geneticist? A geneticist who gives cancer?? That’s a pretty crappy geneticist if you ask me! Of the serie “You had one job!” kind of crappy, since geneticists literally study the genetic variations in organisms. Yeah, screw the crab, it was the first meaning.

twinArmageddons. ….I think these kids’ chumhandle may go a little deeper in meaning than our kids’ ones… Umh. Twin. They could simply have a twin? Or maybe two kids share the same chumhandle? Wouldn’t it be ‘twins’ then? Or maybe their brother/sister’s chumhandle is twinSomethingElse. Twin’s etymology is double or— wait. what if it isn’t used as a noun but as an adjective? Actually, it is how it should be read. I’m dumb. Armageddons. Well, you sure seem to think you are a big deal, kid! Referring to yourself as Armageddon. Whatcha you gonna do? Stomp your tiny thirteen y/o feet around and bring the apocal—OOOH, NOOO.  It’s not your fault the world is ending!! There are so many people playing Sburb! Don’t blame yourself! … Unless you are somehow involved in the creation of Sburb… But I think Grandpa Harley is in on it too, and I forgive him! So both forgiven. …Unless you knew it would have brought the apocalypse beforehand… But I think Jade may have known something about it too… and I forgive her! So both forgiven. ….Actually, I don’t think anyone would have believed a thirteen years old kid screaming around telling people not to play a game because it would have brought the apocalypse, so yeah…

……….How the fuck did I manage to write so much about a chumhandle.

terminallyCapricious. ….This one doesn’t seem to hold any deeper meaning. They just sound unpleasant. “I’M FICKLE AND I KNOW IT!” Like… seriously guys, you don’t have to flaunt your flaws around.

caligulasAquarium. …Why do they all think they are such big shots? Caligula?? Really?? You do know he was a tyrant, right? And he kinda met an horrible end… But if you wanna look up to him, go on. Aquarium. Well, they either like aquatic animals or hate them, depending on how one interprets Caligula.

I will never get used to this.

SHE REALLY THINKS HE’S COOL I’M DEAD BURY ME

PFFTAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IT DOESN’T EVEN FIT IN THE SCRREN OH MY GOD

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVEEEEEEEEEEEE STOOOOOOOOOOOP

I thought I would have saw a CONVERSATION, not a monolog! This is way worse than with John. Incredible. Does Dave even talk to his brother? He sounds pretty lonely when he does things like these.

Update: I’m making a page with ridiculously ambiguous stuff Jade says and ridiculously ambiguous stuff others say about her.

I think Jade has some misconceptions about sleeping… or sleep works differently for her. Because… basically, she either thinks she is a somnambulist that somehow can read and reply to messages or… SHE CAN. Possibly because of her powers. Narcoleptic psychics can do weird things. She told Dave and he believed her. BUT whatever she thinks she does/does, she believes others can do it too. In a conversation with John she frustratedly told him to wake up, even though HE WAS AWAKE and it was pretty damn obvious, since he was REPLYING to her.

Coquettish? Dave, last time you assumed a girl was flirting with you she accused you of flagrant homosexuality in the next conversation you had with her.

Dave sounds so conflicted! And John said he and Rose often try to drop hints about her weird powers. And I kind of have this headcanon where Dave gets existential crisis after midnight or when he is sleep deprived…

turntechGodhead [TG]  began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 2009-03-11 – 03:07

TG: hey buddy
EB: its 3am.
TG: yeah i know but this is important
EB: ITS 3AM.
TG: yeah listen
EB: do you ever wonder what the holy everlasting shit jade is all about
EB: oh my god!!! dave i’m so tired of you and rose getting on my case about this, jade is a perfectly normal girl. you and rose are the weirdass ones!
TG: it keeps me up at night
TG: thinking about it
EB: i noticed!
TG: but listen

ectoBiologist [EB]  ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

TG: why do i even bother

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

The very next day, on John’s internet history:

Sorry, I had to get this out of my system. Is the beginning of ACT 3 too early to have headcanons?

Is that part of his next SBAHJ comic??

He was joking, RIGHT?! He isn’t really having pet food for dinner, RIGHT!?!?!!? I’m going to slay BRO.

THAT’S WHAT HE NEEDED TO DO?? IT TOOK HIM FIFTEEN MINUTES??? I take back everything I said about how he would make a good Knight of Time. I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING.

I must say I’m really really liking Jade and Dave’s relationship. In his conversation with her, Dave basically was being as uncool as possible. All alone, moping. And he didn’t even care. And what is Jade’s opinion about him?? “Sooooo cooooooool.” IT’S INCREDIBLE.

The Showtime and Ohgodwhat remix were amazing. The Aggrieve one aggrieved my ears.

WHAT IS JOHN DOING ON MSPAINTADVENTURES. Jade… how do you NOT realize…. Oh, dear.

Ah, yes. A summary of ACT 1. This conveys my emotions exactly!

Already making stabs at the real intermission, I see. I GET IT, IT WILL BE RELEVANT, I GET IT.

ACT 1031. ACT 1031. SUDDENLY I’M PERFECTLY FINE WITH HOMESTUCK’S SIX ACTS.

THE MUSIC. SO GOOD.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS. IF THIS IS ACT 1031 WHY ARE THEY GETTING INTRODUCED ONLY NOW. I MEAN, I KNOW IT IS NOT AN ACTUAL WEBCOMIC BUT KEEP IT REALISTIC??

There was a poster of the green dudes in Dave’s room. Green dudes are called The Felt.

The Felt and the Midnight Crew are in the same webcomic??  I thought they were two different things.

To more interesting points… If Homestuck is the intermission to the Midnight Crew… Does that mean that the Midnight Crew is… you know, the intermission to Homestuck??

And I think I might know why it is so relevant that I received asks telling me not to skip it since the day I started this liveblog… But I want more proof to back it up!

This conversation with actual context sounds incredibly different.

Jade immediately mentioning John doesn’t feel off-putting anymore.

I have once again to wonder what the heck Bec even is?!? The dragon option sounds more and more appealing. For all I know Jade’s wallpaper was just a cute photo of her pet. He could eat up uranium for breakfast. …Welp, WV did it too… but we don’t know of the consequences yet.

NO, DAVE. YOUR SITUATION IS NOT NORMAL. GODDAMMIT DAVE. EATING PET FOOD FOR DINNER IS NOT NORMAL. HAVING THOUSANDS OF CREEPILY SUGGESTIVE PUPPETS IS NOT NORMAL. EVEN BEC IS GETTING STEAK??? HAVING A KITCHEN FULL OF POSSIBLY FATAL OBJECTS IS NOT NORMAL. I think if someone told Dave he doesn’t have to stand all that crap, if someone sat down next to him and explained it to him, he would have a break down.

NOOOO NO NONONONO NOOOO I’M NOT READY RIGHT NOW.

And so I think I will watch it tomorrow. I didn’t liveblog a lot of pages but, boooy, did I write.