It’s not like you’re going to be the one eating them anyway, WV. Though, it’s pretty understandable. He was wandering in a desert, I doubt he has eaten anything in a while.

John, on the other hand, has been dealing with baked goods the whole day. 

LOOK AT ROSE’S FACE and keep in mind that all she sees is John talking to himself and flail around like a weirdo.

Doesn’t Rose have more important things to do right now??

I FEEL YOU, CHILD.

Seriously, Rose. It’s one of your wizard’s powers, duh. But if she could hear NANNASPRITE’S words that means she can both see and hear John. Remind me why are they using a chat client to talk?

I found IRL Rose Lalonde. You’re welcome.

Stress is really getting to Rose. HOW IS THIS JASPERS’ FAULT?? DIDN’T HE DIE YEARS AGO? But even if it was alive I doubt it could have talked you into playing the game. Because Rose, honey, CATS DON’T TALK.

CUT IT OUT, WV!

John gets upset about the most inane things.

THAT WASN’T EVEN A COMMAND.

JOHN, STOP. ROSE WILL THINK THAT MIDDLE FINGER IS FOR HER. SHE’S ALREADY TALKING TO CATS, LET’S NOT UPSET HER FURTHER.

WV IS SO MAD, HE CANNOT EVEN TYPE PROPERLY.

John is gonna have a mental breakdown over cookies.

BUT NOT MANY, YEAH, YEAH…

Stop ruining things for me.

WHY, HELLO, WV. WE MEET AGAIN.

SO HE REALLY WAS HUNGRY. There, eat something and stop bothering John so we can accomplice something.

“Human” Etiquette. This book was apparently written for aliens. BUT IT’S IN ENGLISH.

Dear Whoever Wrote This, you’re not so bright, are you now?

ROSE KEEPS WRITING HER FAQ. WHICH NOBODY IS READING ANYWAY. AS LONG AS IT HELPS HER NOT LOSE HER SANITY, I’M FINE WITH IT.

SHE’S NOT EVEN A PLAYER YET, AND SHE’S MAKING UP IN-GAME PUNS. ROSE IS A BLESSING.

And this time, I can actually enjoy reading this and not get upset because Rose wrote this when she had absolutely nothing to do beside watching John giving her the middle finger and/or pestering Dave, which might actually slow the kid down. He has enough to deal with figuring out puppets blow and preserving his feeble psyche.

So, if you happen to have any dead people’s ashes or a tomb to defile nearby, be my guest! 

humanoid and/or sentient element/s… WHY DON’T YOU JUST SAY PEOPLE. I mean… animals may be sentient but they cannot talk, how would they divulge information about the game.

WAIT, LIVING?? ARE YOU TELLING PEOPLE TO THROW THEIR ALIVE RELATIVES/FRIENDS INTO THE SPRITE??? WHAT THE FUCK, ROSE.

If you prototype the sprite with clowns, in particular, they may throw waterbombs at you and start chanting “HOO HOO HOO” whenever you ask for any relevant or helpful information.

Now I’m interested in what would have happened if John didn’t prototype his sprite with the creepy doll. There wouldn’t have been information to transmit to the kingdoms. So would the war not have started at all, or would the enemies just not have assumed the prototyped object’s appearance? 

Rose, with who are you even talking. And why are you being all sassy about it. The world is ending. Chances that someone is reading this are very, very slim. And if someone is, they need none of your sass. 

Everyone gets their own new dimension. Gotcha.

BUT ROOOSEE, THERE WERE 4 SPIRES.

So the game is self aware. And knows what is going to happen in advance.

OOOH, MAN. SWEET, SWEET NEW INFORMATION. As I suspected, Rose did have an hidden purpose. Someone gave her information about the game. Someone she considers “good authority”.

I SURE DID.

I’m not even sure somewhen is a real word.

If you look closely you can spot Rose’s house under all the snow.

A blue package. The sender’s identity is totally not obvious.

THE ONLY COMBINATION LEFT! ROSE AND GG! I DIDN’T EXPECT TO SEE THIS SO SOON. AND IT’S ROSE’S BIRTHDAY!  GG ASSAULTS HER WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS AND HEARTS, AS USUAL.

Okay, this doesn’t have to be GG giving further demonstration of her abilities. It could be a coincidence. Though Rose is so suspicious, I wonder exactly how many times GG indulged her with details about things that have yet to happen.

GG, YOU MAY WANT TO HIDE THIS POWER FROM YOUR FRIENDS.

gOD, SHE’S SO BAD AT THIS.

I wonder how many conversations like this one they had.

ROSE, YOU’RE DEALING WITH JOHN EGBERT HERE. JOHN EGBERT. He probably just wanted to stop you from rambling about things he doesn’t understand. And take your mind away from the passive aggressive warfare with your mother. Because he can be pretty considerate sometimes. Yeah, I know. MIND BLOWN. 

OOOHHH, the subtle burn. So GG isn’t oblivious to sarcasm, she deliberately chooses to ignore it. Which is also the best course of action against it.

GG’S MYSTERIOUS PRESENT. WHAT IS IT TELL ME NOW

And she’s been working on it for a lot of time. 

WHERE THE HECK DOES SHE LIVE THAT IT TAKES MONTHS TO GET TO JOHN

Rose, if you knitted him something with a strong sentimental value he would probably hug you, smile that dorkish smile of his, and who knows, he may even shed a tear.

Yeah, and Rose got so much into crafting whatever her present is, she now outright refuses to show it to him because it’s unfinished. Rose just got owned by herself. That takes talent.

And I also think GG has a better understanding of her friends that I gave her credit for in the beginning.

GG, SHE DIDN’T TELL YOU IT WAS A CAT OR THAT IT WAS AN HIM OH MY GODNESS YOU’RE SO FUCKING BAD AT THIS

I’M LAUGHING SO HARD JUST HOW MANY TIMES DID THEY HAVE THIS KIND OF CONVERSATION

And I think you are lying. Your approach to him in the mausoleum even if you were chastising him (and the poor thing was dead) seemed rather affectionate. Plus… the drawing, the poem… and yeah, the mausoleum.

…………..

OH MY FUKCIN AAAAAAAHHHH 

LIAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR

SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING 

SHE

KNOWS

EVERYTHING

EVERYTHING

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW

OOOH, MAN. I GUESS I HAVE TO GET READY FOR CATSPRITE.

THE ONLY REASON ROSE WAS BOTHERING DAVE SO MUCH ABOUT IT (TO THE POINT THAT HE THOUGHT SHE WAS FLIRTING) IS BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO BRING HER CAT BACK.

SHE ADMITTED IT. SHE SAID IT WAS JASPERS’ FAULT SHE WAS IN THIS MESS.

Interesting. Yeah, the possibility to bring living beings back to life sure is FUCKING INTERESTING. 

She doesn’t know, she says. I NEED TO KNOW WHO THIS GIRL IS.

WHAT THE HECK IS ROSE’S PRESENT EVEN?? WHAT DID YOU KNIT HIM? A FREAKING TROUSSEAU?

Back to Dave and normality.

CAN’T HE JUST GET THERE AND TAKE THE BETA BACK??

LIKE… GET OUT OF THAT APARTMENT? IT’S NOT LIKE HE’S STUCK IN HIS HO—……. (┛◉Д◉)┛ ┻━┻

NEVERMIND.

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO R—

EEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS CRAP. I DON’T UNDERSTAND. NOW WE ALSO HAVE TO HURRY AND GET GG TO PLAY. DON’T TELL ME SHE DOESN’T HAVE THE GAME. SHE KNOWS SO MUCH ABOUT IT SHE COULD HAVE PROGRAMMED IT. 

……WHAT IS HE STARING AT. LAVA???

HE DIDN’T NOTICE THE METEORS???? I’M GOING TO CRY. THEN KILL HIM. WAIT. FIRST KILL HIM, THEN CRY.

I’m not even going to check those anymore.

SAME FACE THAT GIVES YOU NIGHTMARES AT NIGHT.

THE FUCK IS THIS

He sleeps on a futon…??

I want to laugh but I also am dying inside a little.

I AM DYING INSIDE (HOW MANY GAMEBRO MAGAZINES ARE HERE. THIS ROOM IS KIND OF A MESS)

I SAID, AND I REPEAT: THE FUCK IS THIS.

……..Dave. No. Just no. It’s not his brother that “taught” him all this crap, right?

RIGHT?

Is this like Homestuck

…………..why………..

NO. IT ISN’T. I DON’T EVEN GET THIS… I FORGOT THE MEANING OF THE WORD IRONY AFTER THE TWENTIETH TIME IT WAS USED ANYWAY

Dave… I thought you had figured out puppets are creepy. Man, this is all sorts of messed up.

They look kind of… pornographical… suggestive… okay I’m exaggerating a bit but… are those really appropriate for a family safe environment….

THEY MAKE HIM UNCOMFORTABLE, NO. BURN THEM ALL. I’M GONNA FIND HIS BROTHER AND FIGHT HIM.

IT WASN’T THERE ONE MOMENT BEFORE WHAT THE FUCK WHAT’S THAT ABOMINATION

THAT IS THE THING THAT GIVES HIM NIGHTMARES???? RIGHT??? BURN IT. EVERYTHING SHOULD BE BURNED.

What kind of shitty game is this?

WHY CAN’T THE KID HAVE NICE THINGS

WAIT I’M AN IDIOT. THIS ALL HAPPENS BEFORE HE HAS THAT LITTLE TALK WITH ROSE. For how much do I have to watch him pretend to like this crap? Or convince himself which is even fucking worse

STILL A DORK.

DO NOT LOOK AT HIS COMPUTER DO NOT BAD IDEA DO NOT DO NOT

THANK GOD

FUCK

Six letters….. Lil Cal.

YOU DON’T SAY

This is good because he’s interested in his little brother’s hobbies BUT BAD BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT HE SAW THOSE COMICS AND DID NOTHING TO STOP HIM

THERE ARE BUTTS EBERYWHERE HELP

NOOOO WHYYYYYYYY

BRING DAVE AWAYYYYYYY

BRING HIM AWYA THIS IS MESSING UP HIS MIND BRING HIM AWAY

BUT LIKE WHEN DID THEY ESTABLISH IT WAS IRONIC

DID DAVE REACH THE AGE IN WHICH HE STARTED TO SUSPECT THIS WASN’T THAT NORMAL AND TOLD HIS BROTHER

AND HE JUST WAS LIKE 

DON’T WORRY, KID. IT’S IRONIC. I DON’T REALLY LIKE PUPPETS’ ASSES. LET ME TEACH YOU ABOUT IRONY.

JESUS CHRIST. THOSE EYES. OH MY GOD. I SWEAR IF HE PROTOTYPES THIS THING I QUIT READING THIS WEBCOMIC

DAVE, RUN. 

THIS IS TOO MUCH. I’M BURNING THE HOUSE DOWN AND BRING THE CHILD AWAY. YOU ARE FREE TO LOSE YOUR COOL, DAVE. I WON’T TELL ANYONE.

But actually I think he might need a bigger shock for him to snap out of it. He’s been living like this his entire life. So maybe… prototyping that thing may be a necessary step. I don’t look forward to it though.

I SWEAR TO GOD IF JOHN DOESN’T REPLY I’M GOING TO KILL HIM

WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THERE’S A FRIEND IN NEED. I’M ANGRY BECAUSE JOHN IS FIRST AND FOREMOST IN DAVE’S MIND AND THAT IDIOT DOESN’T EVEN BOTHER TO REPLY

I’M GOING TO CRY. 

BLESS ROSE. BLESS THIS GIRL. BLESS THIS ENTIRE CONVERSATION. 

AMAZING.

AND WE GO BACK TO JOHN. (THANK GODNESS)

Who is still throwing a fit about cookies…? Oh, GROW THE FUCK UP, JOHN.

Do you think they’re angry at John because they know it’s his fault they had to dress up like that?

THE TRUTH IS THAT WV IS PARTYING HARD WITH ALL THE FOOD HE FOUND RIGHT NOW AND COULDN’T BE BOTHERED BY THOSE STUPID COOKIES ANYMORE.

I’m going to print and frame this input and hung it on my wall.

JOHN ANGRY, JOHN SMASH!!!

Oh, man. I love the narrator.

WHY DOES ROSE KEEP DESTROYING EVERYTHING JOHN OWNS

THERE, THERE, JOHN. IT WILL BE OKAY. I REALLY HOPE DAVE MAKES A MESS OF ROSE’S HOUSE.

Well, that’s all for now. The words are beginning to blur and that is a pretty obvious sign it is time to stop liveblogging.