I think I’m going to read a bunch of pages and put everything under a read more here because it seems I will be stuck watching Dave fooling around for a long time and to be honest I do not really enjoy those parts. 

I’ve got a splitting headache, so sorry if I don’t understand everything. To make you really understand my conditions, I actually read like 20 pages before going out this evening, when I got home, like fifteen minutes ago, I reread the same pages and rewrote a reaction to them I DID NOT NOTICE I HAD ALREADY READ THEM. When I commented about Dave’s strife specibus it kinda clicked I had already said those things and wrote them down and I didn’t know if to laugh or cry so PLEASE BEAR WITH ME.

So we’ve got hammerkind, needlekind and bladekind so far.

AND SO IT BEGINS THE STORY OF HOW DAVE LOST HIS COPIES. AND SOMETHING TELLS ME IT’S GOING TO BE HILARIOUS. SO I HAVEN’T GOT POPCORN BUT COLD PIZZA WILL DO JUST FINE.

…If you couldn’t tell by now, sometimes I forget the caps lock on.

Remember when he teased John about this? Because I do.

So apparently every parent or brother or relative has to have a really weird obsession with something BUT THIS IS EXCEPTIONALLY CREEPY.

WHOOOOAAA. AND WHAT IS THIS MADNESS???? HE ACTUALLY APPROVES OF HIS BROTHER’S INTERESTS??? WHOOOOAAA.

Like… you do not think he is weird or believe he only collects them to piss you off?? MADNESS. 

Nice! It’s important to have someone to look up to at this age! Way better if they happen to be in the same house.
Now… If we only could make you stop drawing obscenities….

Maybe we could have an encounter with this cool fellow before meeting Rose’s mom, which won’t be pleasant. We could have them brofist like only the cool dudes do. That would be refreshing.

…I’m trying to talk myself into believing they have a nice and smooth relationship, let me dream.

AS LONG AS HE IS OKAY WITH CREEPY PUPPETS WATCHING HIM WHILE HE’S DOING HIS THINGS IN THE BATHROOM, WHO AM I TO JUDGE??

I love how half of the time you give commands to him and he just goes “Nah.” and does something else.

I THINK I AM GOING TO CRY

I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO CRY

THIRTEEN Y/O SELFIES MAKE MY EYES BURN… WHICH ALSO WOULD END UP WITH ME CRYING…

PRAISE THE LORD

THERE IS A GOD

I’m going to use Cage’s reaction gifs everytime Dave says something like this to cheer myself up.

OH, COME OOOOOOON. OF ALL THE THINGS THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED, THIS IS THE STUPIDEST.

How is that going to solve anything????? Close the window, then chase the bird, idiot!

Or…Or you could just throw your sword at him… That also could work…

OR NOT. 

This… This is a sentence I never thought I would read. The beautiful part is that he didn’t even want to throw that sword. He just yelled instinctively and his sylladex did the rest. AND HE HAS THE COURAGE TO MAKE FUN OF JOHN.

LOOK AT THE TINY LITTLE EXCLAMATION MARK. LOOK AT THAT FACE. WHAT A DORK. I WANT TWENTY.

Okay, I understand the not wanting to tell even John. He would never let him live this down.

I love how he is supposed to be the stoic and cool kid but so far he is the one who has showed me the widest range of emotio—OOON. STOP WITH THOSE FREAKING TRANSITIONS ALREADY.

And with that we are back to Rose.

OH, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

I wonder what was going through her mother’s mind.

“My daughter absolutely despises wizards.  ….Oh, why. I just got the best idea ever! LET’S PUT A FUCKING 20 FEET TALL STATUE OF THEM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HOUSE.”

Just how big is Rose’s house anyway

Rose took it with democracy and ultimate level snark, I see.

PFFFT— …Nevermind. There is murder in those eyes. Just breath, Rose. Just breath.

I’ve got a proposal, girl. Why don’t you and that dork you have got as a best friend just tell your parents that you can’t stand wizards and harlequins respectively and LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

…After the apocalypse settles down.

Can an apocalypse even settle down?

THERE WE GO AGAIN…. Why would your mother put so much effort in making you hate her???!!! Wait, even better. Why would she want you to hate her at all??

Of course, if you guys had accepted my Hogwarts AU theory I’ve previously divulged everything would make sense now. But you haven’t, have you now?

Or maybe she just pain out liked it and has a weird way to show her appreciation?? God, you don’t have to psychoanalyze ever freaking thing. Like John with his DAD notes and thousands of cakes. Sometimes parents have a weird way to show they care.

…Or she’s just nuts. That’s also a possibility that cannot be ruled out.

IT DEFINITELY CANNOT BE RULED OUT. But Rose isn’t even joking here, she is really deep into this passive-aggressive crap. That can’t be healthy.

NOOOO NO NO NOOOO!!! SO SHE REALLY IS AN ALCOHOLIC??? OH DEAR.

Complete this:

Rose stands to passive-aggressive like Dave stands to “i - - - y”

…You didn’t even need those hints.

$15,000?????!!!!!!????

Whaaaaaat. Maybe… you just… liked the kitty a lot…. and like… don’t remember it…. YEAH, NO. SHE’S NUTS.

OKAY THAT WAS A GOOD ONE, ROSE. 

But seriously, it could be directed to anyone. It’s not like you two are the only ones in the house or anything.

ANOTHER GOOD MOVE FROM MOM!! BUT ROSE DOESN’T HOLD BACK, SHE FIGHTS BACK AND IT’S AN HELLA SASSY MOVE!!

…I was trying to play it down but now I think you two just need therapy.

ROSE YOU’RE JUST A KID AND YOU SHOULD FEEL FREE TO DO THOSE SILLY THINGS NO MATTER WHO IS WATCHING BUT RIGHT NOW YOUR LIFE IS KIND OF IN DANGER.