Before getting back to liveblogging I would like to tell everyone that I will reply to those asks… one day… if I actually manage to find the time… NO, OKAY. I PROMISE I’M GOING TO REPLY SOON, JUST NOT RIGHT NOW.
Back to Rose and John. What a wonderful team they make.
I thought we had agreed Rose should never again get near John’s bathroom or its remains.
The piano cannot level up for slaying imps or anything else because it is an inanimate object.
I guess this can also be a pretty valid reason.
I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY HAVE INSIDE JOKES ABOUT DAVE’S IDIOTIC COMIC.
Why can’t Rose just build a simple ladder if stairs are so expensive? Besides, it’s pretty obvious John is going to fall so hard on his butt while climbing those.
Such a proper girl… laughing at those dreadful things… where has humanity fallen…
SOMEONE STOP JOHN, PLEASE. You know, Rose, it wouldn’t kill you to type an “hahaha” once in a century so that John doesn’t feel like a fool. …I doubt he cares anyway. He’s probably giggling by himself.
The thing about John is that he doesn’t care if you’re laughing with him or laughing at him as long as he is enjoying himself. You think he’s lame? Well, too bad, he knows he’s cool. I think that him being so self-confident is one of his most endearing character traits. REMEMBER THAT HE’S THIRTEEN. I think DAD’s notes were useful other than sappy.
If you had even so much as considered looking at what your buddy had sent you, John, you might know about his true feelings about them like Rose does by now. But since you don’t bother…
Rose is not commenting and obviously keeps what Dave confided to her to herself. Thumbs up.
I think he has some… faulty concepts about what dads usually do in their free time.
I don’t think you will need that as a boy who is barely prebuscent. But if he’s bringing it as a kid embarking on a journey that could be pretty long… and considering there must not be many supermarkets in The Medium, bring a whole lot of that. Gotta get Dave covered too.
I forgot he’s fully convinced he’s a master prankster.
AT LAST, I CAN SEE THE LIGHT. BETTER DAYS… THAT AWAIT ME…
Nanna… plus Harlequin… Rose. We are dealing with people who had died.
JESUS, NANNA WHAT IS UP WITH YOUR FAMILY AND BAKING I THINK YOU GUYS HAVE SOME SORT OF DISORDER
Those cookies are for her grandson and her grandson only.
John, let’s focus less on looking outraged and more on not pass out while fighting those things this time.
This one is really talented! Mister, I suggest a change of career.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?! SHAVE THEM??
I should hope that shaving cream is not deadly.
WHATEVER THE HECK HE IS DOING, IT’S WORKING.
WILL HE EVER BE ABLE TO HOLD HIS GROUND FOR A FULL MINUTE WITHOUT PASSING OUT???
…Is this who I think it is?
Asking nicely worked?? Well, WV, it seems now you can ask him basically everything you want. Tread carefully.
WHY DO THEY CARE ABOUT THE POGO?? THEY’RE TERRIFIED IT’S RIDICULOUS
John’s real identity is Spider-Man.
At least Rose didn’t break this too.
You see?? Politeness is the one true weapon. Looking forward for many pages of smooth collaboration between these two.
…WHY IS THAT IMP PLAYING CARD GAMES
GO ON, KIND FELLOW.
You say that now but what about when you will want smooth legs?
Is that another copy of Colonel Sassacre? And why is it in a safe? There was another chaptalogue card under the safe.
…He couldn’t open the cans of food. I don’t know if to laugh or cry.
But even if he finds it, it’s not like you’re in the same place. Why doesn’t WV get this? He’s pretty smart.
HE LOOKS LIKE A SIM WHEN HE HAS TO GO SOMEWHERE BUT SOMETHING BLOCKS HIS PATH I’M LAUGHING SO HARD
But let’s not pretend I know how to end this sentence like last time.
He read that book only to get John to bring him a can opener, didn’t he? The adorable little shit.
HE IS EATING THE BOOK??!? That’s not so well-mannered, but when hunger calls… He’s even taking the time to read them before gulping them down, it’s still something.
I doubt he can raise his pinky if he doesn’t have one. I still haven’t figured out what he is. He looks similar to the imps, but he is taller. And he doesn’t look enraged like them. Plus, where is he? In The Medium or on Earth? Somewhere else entirely? If it was on Earth this would be after civilization has ended for good. The desert and those ruins of a city in the background would back up this theory. But in The Medium? It could as well be after the war and he is left wandering. Maybe he escaped from it. But are there deserts in Sburb? And also this is years (but not many) after John started playing and John’s session would need to be still active?? Or something got wrong and it stayed active??
The apocalypse is going down, but don’t worry. Keep uploading your pictures on tinyurl.
This one looks older though. Could it be…? The one true book that killed grandma?
Oh, man. A ladder. Just build a freaking ladder.
FINALLY. But just a ladder?? That goes up up to the first gate? Wouldn’t that be easier?
Unsettled is also the dilemma of how John managed to stay alive for this long inside The Medium.
I love how he got even more frustrated when WV asked nicely.
DEAR FAVORABLE SMALL PRIMATE
SOMEONE MAKE ROSE A SAINT IF SHE SURVIVES WITH HER SANITY INTACT.
You have to insert some sort of code or password?
A code that is behind chaptalogue cards? WAIT. It’s a chapta. Facepalming over here.
…What happened to Dave…? This is to save Rose’s life. Plus, it’s training for when you will have to fight thousands of tiny Lil’ Cal themed imps.
Rose, he is a rapper, of course he’s good with words too. He just doesn’t need to show it every five seconds.
……What happened to Dave…………..?
So he raps about other’s disgraces but not about his own.
I’M SORRY I SAID I WASN’T THAT FOND OF THEIR INTERACTIONS. I TAKE IT BACK. THEY’RE PERFECT.
Notice how Dave opens up way more to the girls than to John. He cares more about keeping up the cool facade business with John than to them.
He knew already??? And why did he not deign to tell us??
I can’t see a thing. I hope this doesn’t turn out to be an interactive page where you have to insert those chaptas because I’d be so screwed.
Hacked. I’M IN.
I… I don’t think that’s how you do it… Umh… Rose, where are you?!
Are the holes a thing that is supposed to happen? Oh, well.
I TOLD YOU WE NEEDED ROSE
…I forgot what the pre-punched card even is. Was it the one who created the cylinder of cruxite?? And then John inserted it into the… I GOTTA RE-READ ROSE’S FAQ, BRB.
Okay. We inserted the card into the totem lathe and got the cruxite dowel that John put onto the alchemiter in order to get tree and apple. I also looked up the meaning of a blue apple and it seems it is kind of like… the Holy Grail?? What the heck. So just something that is difficult to get, because many others failed, I guess.
So, if I got this right, we insert the cards into the totem lathe and put the cruxite on the alchemiter to get the original item back.
Whoa, John. Pretty smart of you to immediately figure that out! I’m telling you guys, John is not dumb, just dense.
But sometimes he does things like these and makes you question it.
Is that genius or just sheer luck. Will I ever know?
STOP SAYING THINGS LIKE THIS IT’S SO OMINOUS GIVEN DAD’S SITUATION AND ALSO DAD IS SUPER BADASS HE WILL BE JUST FINE HE HAS A BROOM AND KNOWS HOW TO USE IT HE WILL BEAT THOSE IMPS SENSELESS AND GET BACK TO YOU AND TELL YOU HE’S PROUD OF YOU AND MAYBE YOU CAN GET DAVE AND HIS BRO TO COME OVER AND HAVE A SHAVING SESSION ALL TOGETHER ACTUALLY HIS BROTHER IS KINDA CREEPY LET’S GET ONLY DAVE I’M RAMBLING AND I NEED TO STOP
I’m a little afraid of what he will get.
He’s losing all of his chaptalogue cards. I’m not even going to get angry about that. When he gets to only one card maybe he will stop using the sylladex altogether and I will stop witnessing this foolishness.
Spy imp. Bad imp!
OH MY FUCKING SHIT OH MY GOD
ROOOSEEEEEEEEEEEE YOU COULD HAVE WARNED JOHN. THE POOR THING JUMPED TEN FEET INTO THE AIR!
If the bathtub levels up I quit.
WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO DAVE I ALMOST DON’T WANT TO KNOW
THIS SENTENCE OUT OF CONTEXT IS AMAZING
…Well, she did warn him at least.
I wouldn’t even get near those.
HE’S NEVER BEEN IN HIS FATHER’S ROOM DURING HIS WHOLE LIFE?!???!?
DAD’s room is either gonna be a clown themed abomination or even better… remember when John took his father PDA and was surprised there was nothing even remotely resembling harlequins on it? Yeah. That’s gonna be even more shocking.
Told you. Let’s get NANNA to spill the beans about the day she has gone to meet her maker!
That’s because you guys DON’T TALK
This is the greatest headline I’ve ever seen.
SOME POOR PERSON DIED IT IS A BIG DEAL YOU JERKS
Frigging meteors not only are everywhere right now, but also in the past. Was that another Sburb session? But Rose said the apocalypse comes with the game. But she could be wrong. She has been proved wrong before.
AND DAD IS KEEPING THESE ARTICLES IN A SAFE So they’re important to him and he doesn’t want John to see them. He keeps multiple articles about the event so maybe?? He could be investigating it?? He could even know the person who died?? WAIT, OH MY GOD. What if it was John’s mom?? And that’s why he never talks about her or her death because he just never knew anything? WHAT IF THE KIDS’ MISSING RELATIVES ALL PLAYED SBURB TOGETHER BUT DIDN’T GET TO THE MEDIUM I REALIZE THAT THIS IS FAR-FETCHED BUT IT MAKES SENSE OKAY??!?
AND CROCKER AS IN BETTY CROCKER DON’T THINK I’VE FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT I’M TAKING NOTES ABOUT IT
IT’S DATED APRIL 13TH 199?. JOHN’S BIRTHDAY POSSIBLY EVEN THE YEAR HE WAS BORN AND ALSO 0413 THE NUMBER I KEEP SEEING EVERY FREAKING WHERE.
Wait my theory didn’t even last two paragraphs what the heck. If it was the day John was born I doubt his mother would be anywhere near Crocker’s facility. But if it was on one of John’s birthdays… it could be. If I was right John’s relative’s deaths would be all effing ridiculous and cruelly ironic. Like… his NANNA is killed by a book the Egbert family practically worships, his mother would be killed by a meteor near (or even inside?) a Crocker facility, and John feels an innate resentment toward Betty Crocker. Next his father will get killed in an incident while spectating a show of the Cirque du Soleil he adores so much.
Oh. So… Everything in this safe was meant to be seen by John one day? But when he was older. And he totally cheated.
It’s not a date but I’m writing it down anyway.
Welp. WAIT, JOHN. Stop and think for one moment. If you chaptalogue that you can make more and have like 50 empty slots in your sylladex.
Oh, well. Maybe your father will find it.
The thing on the designix, John. The card you just punched…?
That thing is seriously dangerous. It is not the first time it kills.
HE DOESN’T DESERVE IT
I knew this was going to happen.
No, proceed cautiously.
I WARNED YOU ABOUT STAIRS, JOHN. I TOLD YOU, KID!!
Also a parallel to Rose and wizards.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT OH MY GOD JOHN RUN!
Fuck you, narrator. Why do we have to change POV every time things get interesting?
Oooh, not this again. I had vaguely forgotten about it. I thought I could take this.
I’M SO DONE WITH YOU AND YOUR BRO PRETENDING TO BE COOL AND IRONIC, DAVE.
…I’m not gonna make hypothesis. I don’t want to.
FFFFUCK. Who is flash stepping here???
OH MY— IS THAT YOU, DAVE’S BROTHER?? STOP FUCKING FLASH STEPPING AND BEING CREEPY IN GENERAL.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
Is this some sort of reference to Dave killing the bird? Wait. Did his brother see him and now he’s making fun of Dave?
They’re very much like Rose and MOM only his brother doesn’t need to be drunk to do weirdass things like these.
It’s not that Dave is not ironic enough, it’s that his brother is insane.
I FUCKING QUIT
THIS IS NOT A SAFE ENVIRONMENT FOR A KID OR ANYONE AT ALL I CHALLENGE YOU TO FIND SOMETHING IN THIS ROOM THAT IS NOT POTENTIALLY DEADLY AND/OR SEXUALLY SUGGESTIVE AND ALTHOUGH I GAVE HIM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT UNTIL NOW THERE IS DEFINITELY SOMETHING WRONG WITH DAVE’S BROTHER AND THE NEIGHBORS SHOULD CALL THE FUCKING CHILD SERVICES THIS IS RIDICULOUSLY HORRIBLE.
……….AND CAL WASN’T THERE ONE MOMENT AGO!
Are those fireworks in the sink?
IS THIS TO MESS WITH HIS LITTLE BROTHER’S BRAIN
He records him while— Nevermind. I’m getting angry, I don’t want to.
Puppet snuff films??
He seems so apathetic to all of this like it’s a daily occurrence and IT PROBABLY IS.
Can I skip this part?
PUT THAT THING DOWN
…A bit of a mess? Have you seen the kitchen at all? Where does BRO even cook? …Does he cook?
DOESN’T HE HAVE A FUCKING ROOM OF HIS OWN??!?
HE’S GOING TO KILL HIMSELF
HE’S GOING TO KILL HIMSELF
I CAN’T BELIEVE BRO IS WATCHING HIM. HE TOOK CAL AND GOT AWAY
Tales of Waking Up, Imaginary Towns and bringing speculation too far.
I… I got taken by the story… I liveblogged more than 100 pages… OH MY GOD. I thought GG was getting introduced soon… So I kept reading… and reading… I need a break.
ENJOY AT YOUR OWN RISK
I don’t get this trick. I re-read it three times. I don’t get it.
And so I have no idea what John is getting at. Unless it’s just punching more than one card at a time. WAIT. I think I got it? Does he want to combine items?
I think it’s the imps’ fault, actually.
The ugliest hammer I’ve ever seen. And please, don’t leave John alone with the alchemiter, pretty sure he will try to combine half of his house with the other half.
JOHN, YOU ARE FREAKING RIDICULOUS NO MATTER THE WEAPON.
He looks like someone just stole his favourite toy. He may have the pogo ride and the hammer but John has got them combined.
SOMEHOW SHE SOUNDS SO SURPRISED, I DON’T BLAME HER.
They still have the most beautiful interactions, sorry everyone else.
Why, John. You’re getting awfully defensive. Don’t want Rose to make her own researches, uh?
Didn’t Dave say something on those lines not that long ago?
HE LAND A HIT! AND HE DIDN’T FAINT! … FOR NOW.
These arms are getting more and more frequent! I think it’s safe to assume they’re coming through some sort of portal (look at the bluish aura, it’s always there). It seems they’re reaching out for something. So whoever is the owner, they’re using these portals to find that something? Have fun messing up with space and time until I find out who you are, buddy!
I think we lost John.
AND NOW I’M LYING ON THE COOL HARD GR—….BED. Rose, you just ruined my attempt at a joke.
I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE GIANT IMP
THERE IS ANOTHER (aka. John is so dead.)
…Is he getting sleepy? He spent almost more time passed out than he did awake.
Or at least he gets more experience so when he goes out cold he wakes up faster.
There are two giants incoming. NOT THE BEST TIME TO TAKE A NAP.
Rose, how can you say that so casually?! If Dave doesn’t come through, you’re DEAD.
And her first thought is to be useful to the team until the last moment. If she can’t survive this at least she can help her friends to do it. The girl is so mature for her age. Rose will be such an amazing character, she has SO MUCH POTENTIAL. I can’t wait to see her in action properly and face actual conflicts.
You could see her acceptance of a possible death as noble, but on the downside it implies she doesn’t value her safety THAT much. If there are things to get done, she will take her chances and do it without thinking too much about her own well-being.
Well, that’s my take on it.
I said the page with the introduction of The Medium made me sleepy. Well, it got the same soothing effect on John. Gold dreams, nerd.
WHAT A SMARTASS.
I said she accepted the prospect of death, BUT NOT THAT SHE WAS GOING DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT. Oooh, man. I love Rose. This is like the 37th time I said it. AND I WON’T STOP.
Dave, we don’t need your services anymore.
FFFFUUUUUUCK. I should have imagined it.
ROSE GET OUTTA THERE
NOOOO NO NO NOOOO
John is in la la land and there are two giants approaching him.
NANNA, I TRUST YOU WITH JOHN’S WELL-BEING.
WAIT. Why am I worrying about John?!? If Rose doesn’t find another source of power she’s as good as dead! WHAT CAN SHE DO NOW??!????
We get a glimpse of John’s sweet naive dreams. Dad is first and foremost, obviously, then cakes, harlequins, something I don’t recognize, whatever he has printed on his t-shirt, SOMEONE I DON’T RECOGNIZE (a kid, given the height? GG?), a pumpkin? Is this the point where the Jailbreak’s references start kicking in?
HEY, HOW’S IT GOING, GG?? YOU GONNA SPOIL JOHN’S FUTURE TO US?
Actually… I’ve got some bad news for you… Nevermind. I will let you find out on your own.
Small steps for a big objective, John. Don’t be impatient. First you learn how to slay one imp without losing consciousness, then we will move onto saving the world.
Do you THINK or do you KNOW
I’VE NEVER SEEN SOMEONE AS BAD AS GG AT HIDING A SECRET POWER
Of course John isn’t suspicious. Of course.
…he’s even helping her find an excuse.
Did you know that when John watched the little riding hood for the first time he got blown away by the revelation that grandma was the wolf all along? Yes, even thought they showed it beforehand. Kid didn’t suspect a thing. What do you mean this is not a canon fact? It is 100% confirmED— GOD HOW CAN SOMEONE SO HELPLESSLY NAIVE EVEN EXIST
I’M IMAGINING GG FREAKING OUT AND SWEATING BULLETS AS SHE TYPES THIS. IT’S AN HILARIOUS VISION.
IS SHE EVEN TRYING TO KEEP IT A SECRET? I don’t think so. At least not with John? She is even more prone to divulging information with him than she was with Dave. Or Rose? But I don’t remember their conversation that well.
She’s not even good at subtly changing subject. In fact I think she’s even worse at this.
NO JOHN WHY ARE YOU DROPPING THE SUBJECT SO EASILY
That happens to everyone but I don’t understand how that is related to that meteor?
I get that a nap can clear your thoughts but from that to “i know everything” I THINK THAT’S A BIT EXCESSIVE MISSY
Unless you see the future while napping, not when you’re awake. And now know everything. Remember that you should take everything you see with a grain of salt. It could be that something you ate sat on your stomach and you are just having a nasty nightmare.
…But he awoke a little ago? He is talking to you? Are you okay, GG? If you’re talking about sleepwalking I think you should know that that still qualifies as being asleep.
Unless…. John is… really dreaming? No wait, this is making my head hurt.
Aww, she sounds so eager to share what she knows with you, John. I almost feel bad for her. HURRY UP AND WAKE UP, STUPID!
Whatever she means by that. I think waking up is the wrong expression? And she was searching for another one but couldn’t find it?
So John has to do something in order to give GG the possibility to talk about what she knows. And the way she phrased it also kind of implies she has already done that something. So, John, get on GG’s level!
“kinda literally”… Mmmhh Does that mean John is partially asleep? Or only awake on some level?
ALSO there is the possibility John is still sleeping and just dreaming of talking to GG. WHY DID I NOT THINK ABOUT THIS BEFORE SEARCHING ON GOOGLE FOR ALL THE POSSIBLE HIDDEN MEANINGS OF THE EXPRESSION “WAKING UP”??!?
DON’T YOU LOL AT US, YOU FREAKY PSYCHIC.
THIS IS NOT EVEN RELATED TO BEING A PSYCHIC BECAUSE SHE WOULD KNOW WHAT HAPPENS BUT NOT WHEN. DOES SHE HAVE A VIDEO FEED OF EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS AT THE EGBERTS HOUSE?? If so, can you tell us where the imps brought DAD?
PLOT TWIST: The webcams in Dave’s house weren’t of BRO, it’s just GG surveying the situation.
I hate this because I’m too busy being surprised at her knowledge to actually get to know her as a person. Like I’m too busy worrying about Dave’s situation and I forget to observe how he acts with unrelated things. IT’S MAKING ME UPSET. I don’t know them nearly as well as I know John and Rose. Heck, I haven’t even seen GG!
AND SHE CALLS TWO ENORMOUS GIANTS COMPANY.
I think the only conversation that didn’t end with an heart from GG ’s part was the one with Rose. I’m solely disappointed.
Nah, that’s nothing, John. Just the one who is gonna cause your death.
He is BIG, and he has the Colonel’s wisdom on his side.
HE HIDE WITH THE IMP. When times get though, the line between enemies and allies gets thinner and thinner. And yes, I’m making up all those sayings as I go, if you were wondering.
Since after John “woke up” all of his pesterlogs have no hour….
GODDAMMIT, GG! Stop making everything so confusing! Is John indeed still sleeping??
When times get tougher, imps go scarce and protagonists pass out.
I DON’T THINK YOU ARE READY You were not even ready for the tutorial.
JOHN I DOUBT A PAIR OF HANDCUFFS OR A “CLEVER” DISGUISE MIGHT ACTUALLY HELP YOU JUST GET READY TO FACE THE MUSIC
HE HAS FIVE MINUTES OF LIFE LEFT AT BEST
Maybe, but I would avoid stairs.
Oooh, man. Ooooooh, boy. What if he falls from here??!
STOP PRACTICING WITH THAT ABOMINATION
TURN AROUND TURN THE FUCK AROUND RIGHT NOW
WHAT DO YOU CARE— THERE IS OIL LITERALLY EVERYWHERE— TURN AROUND
NANNAAAA HELP HE HAS NO HOPE TO SURVIVE STOP BAKING AND KILL THEM WITH THOSE WEIRD LASER POWERS
I hate Andrew Hussie.
I suggest you don’t do that. John just did and he is going to get beaten up pretty hard. The parallels are not stopping.
There are determined eyes under those glasses, I just know it.
He took— HE IS TOO FAST
Flash stepping runs in the family, apparently.
-Shitty sword CHECK -Creepy puppet CHECK -An ass ready to get kicked CHECK
WE’RE READY TO GO
…I’m very weary of stairs.
This may have been a dramatic scene if we could actually see his ey—
EEAAAAAH NOT THOSE EYES
What’s up with Dave and lava…? And why is he all red?
SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT. WE NEED TO GET GG TO CONNECT ASAP. Is this really the time for a strife on the roof of all places? Does BRO not notice the meteors?
Too busy flash stepping with Cal?
What OH MY GOD SHE’S SO CUTEEEEE
WHAT ARE THOSE FLOWERS EVEN
….WV, I despise you.
I have been staring at the screen for a good minute, glaring at him without uttering a world. Trying to convey my utmost annoyance.
I WAS SO CLOOOSEEEEE SO CLOOSEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I COULD ALREADY FEEL THE MISSING ARMS JOKE IN THE AIR WHYYYYYY
Sigh. Let’s see what Mr. Good Manners is up to.
…I didn’t want to see this from you… I WANT GG’S INTRODUCTION
What’s that? A cool tattoo? I can’t see it very well.
That was ROTTEN, WV. You’re gonna get sick. Plus, that really doesn’t count as a Jailbreak reference, he just ate it, it didn’t disappear, I feel cheated.
Since the kids’ session started maybe?
You know, the Silladex and it’s respective Modi are not a game mechanic. They’re commonly used by people in this universe. Like… You can choose to use one and deliberately make your life a living hell. Neat.
WV confirmed for not being an imp. Imps’ teeth are very sharp.
…Carapace? Like a shell?
There is no way you will convince me that a sylladex is actually useful, sorry.
Let’s do that.
A barcode on a person? He’s not merchandise to be sold.
OH, COME ON.
You and John related?
But honestly, I’ve got no idea either.
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY WV is on post-apocalyptic Earth. Unless you can receive mail in The Medium.
HAHA! Well, it was already obvious. But I thought he was part of the game? And now he doesn’t even know what an imp is, neither did he seem familiar with Sburb at all…
If it takes your mind off the hunger…
And also very, very humble. All this emphasis on equality and being fair… And that barcode… Where did he live before? From where is he escaping? Anarchy? A tyrant?
A TYRANT. I GET IT. I GET IT. LOUD AND CLEAR.
Is that a firefly caught in amber? There is a green stone… a pack of crayons?
I wouldn’t touch that. It’s fluorescent green. Could be radioactive.
What? What did he do? …HE ATE IT?
Uranium? Aww, that’s a shame. In a nuclear reactor you could use it as fuel. A nuclear reactor like the one that just happens to be behind you, WV.
DON’T YOU EAT THAT
Hey, they are Non-Toxic. Oh, well, feel free to have a snack then. I doubt you will digest the uranium tho.
STOP EATING GREEN THINGS
I suggest smashing the keyboard Egbert-Style. It worked for him.
I’ve had enough of oil in this webcomic.
It’s a FIREFLY in AMBER.
AWW. That thing just blinded me but AWW.
I COULD BE MEETING GG RIGHT NOW. I COULD KNOW HER NAME. COULD KNOW FROM WHERE SHE GETS THOSE DUMB POWERS OF HERS.
BECAUSE YOU ARE CURRENTLY DIGESTING IT, DUMBASS!
That looks more like a chessboard but whatever.
I thought people stopped sending suggestions after ACT 1. Hussie, what are you doing.
WHAT A MESS
HE USED THE RED CHALK TO WRITE THE R.
At home? What is he even saying? Can Town is already their home. HE JUST CREATED THE CITIZENS. Maybe he is the one who wants to feel at home? Aww. Nope. I’m not getting emotional. I forbid myself from getting emotional.
Okay, so the scenery obviously isn’t just a thing that WV made up.
FOUR PLANETS. THE KIDS’ PLANETS. The black and red one is obviously Dave’s. As for the others… Maybe the really colorful one is GG’S? I dunno. There is one that is just a blot of oil, what the heck. AND THERE IS A FREAKING HUGE VOLCANO ON ANOTHER.
Hey, it’s our John. We already got past this point though.
Light Kingdom and Dark Kingdom?? They are golden and purple so it’s pretty much confirmed. And they have moons.
PARTICULARLY I’M INTERESTED IN THE FOURTH ONE.
…I can’t believe this.
TAB. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!? Open them. Bask in them. Take a bath in Tab.
PARTY HARD!!! He deserves it. *wipes a tear*
…A product of The Coca-Cola Company? Can he even mention the brand?
Wizards? He doesn’t know much of the human word.
He has the mentality of a 5 y/o child. It’s beautiful.
…THE GREEN TEXT WAS ATTRACTIVE. I’m going to cry. I wonder if he attempted to lick the screen while we were talking to GG?
YOU JUST CREATED A CITY OUT OF CANS AND CONSUMED HALF OF YOUR CHALK ON THE WALLS. HOW IS THAT FOR WASTE OF TIME?!?
WHOA. YOU’RE RIGHT. Who set this up? And conveniently left those objects? Like the uranium? They rebooted before going away.
GO FOR SWITCH FOUR.
IT’S ZAZZERPAN. Pffttt. It’s just a twenty feet statue. They’re not pleading… for… That gaze is awfully realistic and kind of creepy… Nope. There is already Cal for that. I’m getting that out of my head. Moving on.
Wait… Was it missing an hand before?
What the fuck. HE PROTOTYPED THE DEAD BIRD. What happened to Cal? GOD BLESS WHOEVER DID THAT. Did Dave finally snap? But it still looks kind of ominous standing there under the sprite. I think Dave is gonna prototype it anyway. But that’s not how you do it! First the non-sentient element, then the sentient one! At least the enemies are gonna look like birds. Clown birds? Does John’s choice of prototyping influence Dave too? WAIT, FUCK. THE ONE WHO WILL FOLLOW DAVE AROUND EVERYWHERE IS CAL. Like NANNA for John. Oh, dear. That’s even creepier.
04:13 Well. Just get out of there. In case everything is going to explode or something.
Wait. Actually the home command has been used before and everything is still intact. Sooo, no exploding. It has another function. But we will only find out in four hours. And this webcomic is so slow, I will probably get to know in like… ACT 6.
Or you could just do that. Sometimes I feel so dumb.
I WOULD FIND A WAY OUT.
He would be a better major than many human ones. He’s really dedicated.
CHESSBOARD CHESSBOARD CHESSBOARD I TOLD YOU.
THE IMPLICATIONS, SO MANY OF THEM.
I think it’s pretty safe to assume that since he’s not an imp, not an human and not an alien, he’s simply a soldier. A soldier of the Chess Army. He fought the war of The Good against The Evil. And supposedly won it. NANNA said so. He was in the Incisphere. It has been years since then so he has forgotten a bit about it? On the dark side, because… well, duh… He’s black and he mentioned being under a tyrant. I have trouble imagining a tyrant being the king/queen of the Light Kingdom. And he escaped?? But how did he end up on Earth? Assuming this is the Earth. If it was that would mean the kids will be able to return on their planet once they win the game.
OH MY FUCKING GOD. OH MY FUCKING— GODDAMMIT, WV. GET A GRIP OF YOURSELF.
Did the black win?? So why is he angry?
NOW you think about that. You’re a disgrace, WV.
…But not many?
What if something bad actually happens? I’m not ready.
I JUST MADE THE THE MOST RIDICULOUSLY HIGH-PITCHED SOUND YOU HAVE NO IDEA
Greetings, Mister! And who would you be? A member of the noble White Army?
With a cargo plenty of… mail boxes…? Okaaay?
And don’t think I missed that twinkle behind you! …Unless it’s the sun. Yeah, it’s obviously the sun WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WEBCOMIC DOING TO ME? I JUST MISTOOK THE FREAKING SUN FOR A PLOT RELEVANT OBJECT.
I’m taking the speculation a bit too far.
The webcomic itself is taunting me.
Well. That was easy eno—Shit.
Two I have already seen. But the other one?
Wait. Didn’t whoever was here before WV go through the third door? OOHH, I’M EXCITED.
Well. Let’s go there?? Shouldn’t we try to get out?
Search for a chainsaw, WV.
OH MY GOD. Oh. Oh God. I SHOULD LIVEBLOG MORE OFTEN WHEN MY BRAIN IS SLEEP DEPRIVED. Look. An useful map.
AHAHAHAHAHA. Okay, it’s almost 2AM. I’m starting to sound a little … off. I think I will stop. Well, this was fun.
END OF ACT 2 AND THE COOLEST FLASH I'VE EVER SEEN.
Guys, if you send me 30 asks while I’m busy replying to 10… I’m never going to catch up. No, that wasn’t me ending the hypothetical sentence, it was me coming to a sudden realization. An horrible, horrible realization.
OF ALL THE THINGS YOU COULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW.
WITH A COUNTDOWN THAT IS GOING TO EXPIRE IN MINUTES—
Sometimes I feel like complaining but then the author does it for me in such a magnificent way, I feel refreshed.
I’m trying to limit the number of times I use a facepalm gif in my posts AND WV IS MAKING THIS VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME.
You can insert latitude, longitude, altitude and even time and date in that thing! And we’ve got both Earth and Incisphere to choose from. Although right now we can only select our dear soon to be apocalypsing planet. I call it that because the date is John’s 13th birthday. Everything is related to that kid’s birthday in this webcomic. And the time is set to before the adventure even started.
Feel free to do it as long as I don’t have to watch you and after you’ve got out of here.
I’m quite sure he doesn’t know a lot about science or anything scientific in general, he thought Tab was made by wizards. But let’s see what this thing does, since he’s obviously NOT INTERESTED IN GETTING OUTTA HERE.
Doing the obviously probably the most obvious thing to do is what is going to get him killed one day. Or in a few minutes, depending on if he survises the countdown. (he obviously probably obviously will)
IT HAS BEGUN.
(There is a weird incision on it??)
On the next page, a panel that shows WV when he has already gobbled down the whole thing and the addiction “What pumpkin?”. GET OUT OF THE WAY, GG. I’M THE TRUE PSYCHIC HERE, IT IS ME.
I’M GOING TO EAT MY SOCKS
THIS COULD BE INCREDIBLY USEFUL, OH MY GOD.
WHERE DOES THE PUMPKIN COME FROM?
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
I HAD TO ZOOM OUT
I THINK I MESSED UP THE COORDINATES?? OR IT’S IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN? UGH.
I’M LAUGHING SO FUCKING HARD
THERE WAS A TIME IN WHICH THEY WHERE INCONSPICUOUS
AND THE BEAUTIFUL THING IS THAT I DIDN’T FUCKING SEE IT AT FIRST GLANCE BUT ONLY WHEN I SCROLLED UP AGAIN. AMAZING.
Or maybe you just ate one nugget of uranium too many. What’s the deal with him with green?!
We have already seen it anyway.
GET OUT OF THE WAY I HAVE TO GOOGLE IT UP
AND I CAN’T EVEN SEE THE DATE TO KNOW HOW MANY YEARS IN THE FUTURE YOU ARE
ISN’T THAT OH-SO-CONVENIENT
…And kind of ridiculous.
THE COUNTDOWN HAS LONG EXPIRED
I’m… I’m not even going to get angry at this. He’s taunting me.
HEY! DON’T BE SO MEAN, HE CAN BE PRETTY SMART AT TIMES!
Thank godness. But I’m glad he finally found something edible to eat.
I really need to start keeping note of things like these. I was wondering if this thing can apparify people too? Couldn’t it be the way WV got here in the first place? Directly from the Incisphere? Someone was here before him after all. And they apparyfied him in the desert?
I’M MAKING REALLY EMBARRASSING SOUNDS AT THIS.
SERENITY, I APPROVE. It’s not extremely tasty. Plus, wouldn’t apparify the thing inserting an earlier date be smarter? So that it’s not rotten? Also, shouldn’t it be impossible to do because if you apparify it you would never have had the possibility to eat it in the first place?
Told yo—EWW, WHAT’S THAT SLIME. DON’T YOU FREAKING DARE EATING IT!
That’s… such AN AMAZING IDEA!!
I CANNOT READ MORSE CODE HELP! …Wait, why was I more concerned by this than by the fact that it can TALK in the first place??
I’M A DISASTER.
NEVER MIND I’M AMAZING
I CANNOT TAKE SCREENSHOTS AT THE MOMENT BUT THIS WAS DEFINITELY MY FAVOURITE FLASH SO FAR
Serenity is the smartest living being in the webcomic at the moment. Ask yourself some questions.
And I was like YESSSSS when we saw the light but then the music got weird and I was like NOOOOO and then he fell on his butt and then PSYCHE but you know what just watch it HERE.
What the fuck. No, I thought we were going to meet a certain person with some weird powers. *cough GG cough* …I CANNOT EVEN DO THIS PROPERLY I DON’T KNOW HER NAME
WHY ALL THE COOL FLASHES NOW THAT I CANNOT TAKE SCREENSHOTS WHILE I WATCH! STUPID SCREENSHOT PROGRAM
Watch it with me so that you understand what the frick I’m saying HERE
…. I SHOULD HAVE MADE AN AUDIO REACT I SHOULD HAVE MADE ONE I ABSOLUTELY SHOULD HAVE MADE AN AUDIO REACT FUCK FUCK FUCKI SHOULD HAVE FUCKING MADE AN AUDIO REACT DAMMIT I CANNOT EVEN TAKE SCREENSHOTS RIGHT NOW DAMMIT
THAT WAS AMAZING AND INCREDIBLY CONFUSING AND ANYWAY ALL I SAID IS
I DON’T REMEMBER?? I SAID “OH MY GOD” A LOT AND ALSO “SLOW THE FUCK DOWN” AND ALTERNATELY SCREAMED THE KIDS’ AND THE GUARDIANS’ NAMES (BRO IS HERE IN ALL HIS GLORY AND MOM WAS WATCHING ROSE AND SAVED HER ASS AND DAD IS IN THE DARK KINGDOM KICKING ASSES AND THE IMPS SHOULD BE SCARED) AND I THINK I’M NOT SURE BUT I THINK WV WAS IN THE SAME LOCATION AS ROSE??? BECAUSE THAT LOOKED LIKE ZAZZERPAN’S ARM??? AND MAIL WHITE GUY IS NEAR JOHN’S HOUSE AND THE PUMPKIN CAME FROM A PLACE WITH A VOLCANO AND THERE WAS A METEOR THAT HIT THE PLACE NOT MANY YEARS AGO THERE WAS A PTERODACTYL AND BASICALLY IT WAS HELLA FUCKING COOL??!!
I HAVE TO RE-WATCH IT?????
END OF ACT 2. I DID IT. I DID IT. I GOTTA CALM DOWN. GOODNIGHT. (Well, to those who are in my same timezone.)
Curtains closed on ACT 2, but many question have arisen that absolutely need an answer.
I have re-watched WV: Ascend. There were some HUGE things I didn’t notice. Like the fact that the meteor which landed near the volcano came out of A SBURB RELATED PORTAL. And where did that frog temple even come from?! Because when it was built, and after vegetation had grown, there were still pterodactyls around.
Also, I swear everything that has ever existed in this universe is Sburb related.The laboratory next to Rose’s house in no exception. And Rose will probably get there, since there is no way we’re not exploring the place before she enters The Medium.
And EPIC FAIL for the imps that brought Dad away in his son’s trick handcuffs. He will have no problems handling those little shits now that he’s free. HE IS HARMED WITH CAKE. AND BEHOLD… SHAVING CREAM!! THE IMPS’ ONE TRUE WEAKNESS!
A WILD LETTER APPEARED
Written on the unabridged copy of Colonel Sassacre!
Meh. Maturity? I wouldn’t go that far. Literally everyone in the family is SO proud of John.
…How would you know about that if you wrote this before dying?
……I’m confused. Well, of course. DAD did lock it away in a safe after her death. And now John has it. Some sort of family heirloom? DAD did mean to leave it to John when the kid was older.
HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ALL THIS???? JUST HOW???? I SWEAR THIS IS LIKE GG ALL OVER AGAIN ONLY TEN TIMES WORSE. Because GG gets little bits of knowledge as she goes but NANNA just knew EVERYTHING BEFOREHAND. There are too many psychics in this webcomic.
Warring Royalty. WV has some strong opinions on the people you speak about.
A realm of Agents and Exiles and Consorts and Kernelsprites.
One of these things is not like the other. AS IN THERE IS ONLY ONE THING I KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT. Ugh.
Of toiling Underlings and slumbering Denizens.
Whoever they are they do not sound friendly. Especially the slumbering ones. You do not wake the slumbering no matter the story genre they’re inserted in. Fantasy? Noo, bad, bad, bad!! Sci-fi? EVEN WORSE! Horror? Do you have a DEATH WISH? …Wanna bet that that the first thing John does when he meets one is waking them up? Cue Rose adds a three pages long section on her FAQ in which she forgets what purple prose is all about and just goes on full rant. “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! WHY IN THE NAME OF THE ALMIGHTY WIZARDS WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING SO MORONIC!!??” It’s going to be beautiful.
A realm where four will gather, the Heir of Breath and Seer of Light, the Knight of Time and Witch of Space, and together they will Ascend.
NOW THIS IS SOME SWEET, SWEET MATERIAL.
I would just say that they are listed in order of appearance. John, Rose, Dave, GG. And it fits for the guys.
John has been inheriting things left and right. Plus, an heir is a person who will have big responsibilities thrust upon themselves and I think this might have a lot to do with John’s character arc. And Breath. Well, I don’t know much about that but I did refer to John as an air-head and a “breath of fresh air”. If it is related to personality, then it fits. Also it could be related to life and/or freedom?
Dave as a knight is less certain, but he has a sword and knows how to use it and he usually keeps his cool, he has also already been thrust into the role. Protecting and saving people. Even though Rose is by no means a damsel in distress. Time… Well, he was the only kid I didn’t scream at because of ridiculous wastes of time! Heh. Time as patience? Or as in waiting for your time to shine. Because his personality is pretty influenced by BRO and it will take time for him to develop his own? Or as in the time he will take to heal from that hell he calls an house.
Now with Rose and GG… I don’t understand. I really don’t understand. Rose as a Seer. Someone who sees stuff that happens in the future and tells the others. Useful, yes. But so PASSIVE. I mean, she’s very smart and I’m sure she would make an exceptional seer, predicting events and making plans accordingly and leading people telling them what is the best course of action to take— HEY! ACTUALLY, SHE’S BEEN ALREADY DOING THAT! IN HER FAQ! Mmmhh. Now it sounds slightly more reasonable. But but but THINK. Rose as a Witch. Oh, the sweet irony. The girl who despises wizards with her whole being becomes a witch. It fits her theme perfectly. For God’s sake, she has posters of Fluthlus in her room! And enjoys obscure literature! Which brings me to another point: Seer of Light. Are you kidding me? Rose and Light? What else is next? NANNA turns out to be the villain all along? Meh.
Now do you know who is perfect for the role? GG. GG has done nothing but predicting stuff. GG already has powers even though she’s not in the game yet. Although… she’s not making plans or doing anything with her information… or not that I know. But there is another thing that makes me think she fits perfectly. Seer of Light. Light as in hope and optimism. Seer of Light like a seer that only predicts good outcomes. Think about it. Has GG ever been predicting bad stuff? I think not. John will lose its present but HE WILL FIND IT IN THE MOMENT IT WILL BE MOST USEFUL TO HIM. Meteors are hitting the Earth but EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT SOON.
As for Witch of Space…I think it’s the one I’m most confused about. You can manipulate space through witchcraft? I don’t think either Rose or GG have shown some connection to the theme of Space. Well, GG is a fucking wild card though.
And this got from a liveblog post to a speculation post. I will probably be back later and start a new one where I really read something.
Before you ask: yes, I genuinely think Jade's room is creepier than BRO's.
I still cannot believe I have been waiting for Jade’s introduction almost from before I FREAKING KNEW OF HER EXISTENCE and nobody felt the need to tell me it was on the next page. Seriously, guys, you’re mean… Unless the messages have been considered spoilers and deleted by my ask screener… in that case, sorry! <(‘o’<)
I feel in my heart that we have already met?? You mean she died before John was born? I thought it happened when he was little. NANNA, what are you on, you just explained that you couldn’t possibly have met him before. But OF COURSE this is some weird hint to something that is gonna happen so yeah *takes notes*
FINALLY. I SAW THE LIGHT. THIS IS MY REWARD. THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR ALL THESE YEARS. SHE IS HERE. SHE… SHE IS SLEEPING??!
So what do we have her—OH GODDAMMIT.
Excuse me, GG. I will return to your introduction soon. Now it’s time to get angry.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS DUMB PUMPKIN HAD BEEN ALREADY SHOWN IN GG’S HOUSE AND I LOST LIKE FIFTEEN MINUTES OF MY LIFE MESSING UP WITH COORDINATES ON GOOGLE MAPS. I EVEN HAD TO CONVERT THEM BECAUSE THE DAMNED WEBSITE WOULDN’T ACCEPT THEM I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS.
Alright, let’s continue.
She may have been tired but to fall asleep on the freaking floor like that you should be nearly passing out from exhaustion. I remember the old times playing The Sims and screaming at them when they passed out on the floor while I was trying to drag them into a bed. Old times more like… Last week really.
Also, the word silly has been used in her introduction almost as many times as the word cool in Dave’s and now I’m suspicious. A silly facade coming up?
And I guess her instrument of choice is a flute.
AND UNDER THE READ MORE I GO!
Oh, COME ON. that’s totally not fair! She cannot defense herself, she’s sleeping!
The best way to play out this gag… hands arms down. …I swear I don’t do this on purpose it’s just the puns come to my mind and then I CANNOT PRETEND THEY DIDN’T, I HAVE TO INSERT THEM! I HAVE TO!
What? That’s so mean! And anyway It won’t happen because WV is already drooling on that pumpkin.
Enjoy your little snack, WV.
SHE’S EVERYTHING BUT DEFENSELESS I HAVE BEEN FOOLING MYSELF
JADE HARLEY, physic extraordinaire, baddest liar to even enter the Incipisphere, the team cheerleader, the girl that one time brought a smile to Cool Kid’s lips, and the only living being who managed to befuddle Rose Lalonde EVER. And last but not least… Is she genderbent John Egbert? I get that the kids look kind of similar to one another in look and personality (like Rose and Dave being both blonde and both having the snarky queen attitude) but this is just ridiculous. I mean… add another frontal tooth and change the glass design and you get John.
She’s awake! The pumpkin t-shirt, tho.
Pumpkin? What pumpkin? There has never been a pumpkin on her t-shirt and obviously never will be.
THE HAIRCUT. She just reminded me of how awful John’s haircut is.
She’s the only one who didn’t get introduced in her room.
A GARDEN. OF COURSE. GardenGnostic. Gnostic…. Prognostic…. Oh, why, Jade. You are trying SO HARD to hide your powers!!! I’m sure your friends will be blown away by the revelation when you tell them!!!
Your name is JADE. You have just woken from a restful nap, and as usual, you have no recollection of having fallen asleep.
…Narcoleptic much? Didn’t she also say she had fallen asleep while checking the meteor.
You have quite a number of INTERESTS. So many in fact, you have trouble keeping track of them all, even with an assortment of COLORFUL REMINDERS on your fingers to help you sort out everything on your mind.
The parallels, OH, the parallels, will they ever stop?
Nevertheless, when you spend time in your GARDEN ATRIUM, the only thing on your mind is your deep passion for HORTICULTURE.
She takes care of it all by herself? THAT’S IMPRESSIVE.
I GET TO PLAY?????? I’m very bad at this, you’ve been warned.
I’M LAUGHING SO HARD IF YOU PRESS “Z” SHE FALLS ASLEEP ON THE SPOT
Wow, you really suck at this thing!
YOU DON’T SAY
Maybe you should try playing an instrument you actually know how to play instead, like the one in your bedroom. Honestly you have no idea where this flute even came from.
Things seem to appear and disappear around here all the time. Especially, to your unending chagrin, any sort of large orange gourd that might be lying around.
Okay, so who was it??? It couldn’t have been WV, so maybe the one who was in the Sburb…. thingy before him?
I’m slightly afraid because I remember Dave talking about it. It gave him an headache. The same guy who had to chaptalogue cherries asRED SPHERICAL SALUTES.
I’m really curious about the Jenga and Clue ones. Many are related to guessing. Though isn’t it easy to guess when you have already seen the answer… Jade, you cheater, you cannot use your powers for this!
…………….No. Don’t show appreciation toward your guardian. Last time someone did….
PRACTICALITY????? SERIOUSLY??? THE MEMORY MODUS?? YOU PUT REMINDERS ON YOUR FINGERS AND YOU CHOSE THE MEMORY MODUS? …Whatever.
Yeah… a knack. Cheater.
This was the best reaction though. Jade Harley is silently judging you.
She has been introduced like… eight pages ago and already broke 14 pre-established patterns.
….What. I don’t understand anything this girl does or say. It’s so frustrating. Maybe… the first one is a present FROM John while the second is TO John? My best guess anyway.
I’m so disappointed in this webcomic.
WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING WITH HER T-SHIRT!?!
THIS LOOKS STRIKINGLY SIMILAR TO THE SYMBOL ON THAT CONTRAPTION THAT WV FOUND
So we went from laboratory NEAR the house to laboratory INTO the house. Next time the kid will be the true scientist. A child prodigy. They will have won many awards. Possibly even a Nobel. If it wasn’t for the apocalypse they would have solved the problem of Word Hung— Okaaay, okay. I will stop.
Okay, so when do we get to the big (citation necessary) revelation that Jade’s grandpa is somehow involved with the creation of Sburb?
MY EYES. TOO COLORFUL. Other creepy puppets. Although not sexually suggestive, they are somehow creepier than Bro’s ones for me.
Further proof that Dave is just a big softie: SPOTTED!
Is that a witch in that poster? Jade, I have some little questions for you. Do you feel in any way related to the magic world? How would you feel about the possibility of manipulating Space one day? Does that appeal to you? Please, do tell me more.
IS THAT A BASS GUITAR?? That’s what she can play! And why she rejected the flute… Mmhh. John and Rose can play more classical instruments while Dave and Jade… well, beat machine and bass guitar. Heh.
YOU BETTER NOT BE A FURRY.
And… Other presents, I guess? From John?
You are an avid follower of CARTOON SHOWS OF CONSIDERABLE NOSTALGIC APPEAL.
You and me both. Although, you’re thirteen, that’s entirely justifiable.
You have an uncanny knack for NUCLEAR PHYSICS, and not infrequently can be found dabbling in RATHER ADVANCED GADGETRY.
Nuclear physic. AT THIRTEEN YEARS OF AGE.
You enjoy sporadic fits of NARCOLEPSY;
Enjoy??? Will you enjoy it when it will obviously be exploited as a plot element and you will fall asleep in the least opportune and most critic moments?
and you are at times prone to patterns of PRECOGNITIVE PROGNOSTICATION.
Really, Jade??!! Really?? We hadn’t noticed until now, you hide it so well!
You consider very briefly the question: What will you do? But you quickly realize this is only one half of your room, and is therefore host to only half of your INTERESTS to choose from.
EXPLORE!?! HOW BIG IS IT??
ARE THOSE HANDGUNS?!? A FUCKING RIFLE!?! WHAT THE HELL. SHE’S THIRTEEN!!! BRING THOSE THINGS AWAY FROM HERE BEFORE SHE HURTS HERSELF!
AND A NUCLEAR SOMETHING!?! URANIUM!?!!?!
…Was everything in WV’s Sburb thingy (please, tell me how I should call it) coming from here? Mmmh. There were crayons, and oil and Serenity.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WINDOWS! THAT HAVE TO BE PLUGGED!
HAHA! Thank you, visual memory, for your valuable service.
So the windows were not just a random Problem Sleuth’s reference but an actual thing that exists in this universe. And what do they do?
……………Wait. If… If the weird windows are a thing that exists does that mean the HORRIBLE MONSTERS IN THE GRIMOIRE ALSO ARE????? Well, I guess Rose will be happy to meet her dear Fluthlus but I WON’T.
I think I will reread that part of the book later.
Additional telltale signs of your enthusiasm for NOSTALGIC TELEVISION mingle with your assortment of GAME HUNTING FIREARMS. You are a SKILLED MARKSWOMAN, though your cross-hairs would never settle on an innocent creature, ANTHROPOMORPHICALLY PERSUADED OR OTHERWISE.
….WHAT. That’s kind of really unusual. Riflekind approaching.
Your worktable is littered with equipment to facilitate your tinkering. For you, experimentation is not a particularly exact science, and you lean heavily on SHARP INTUITION for consistently and eerily optimal results.
Of course she will fuck up with something scientific in the game, of course.
Nevertheless, you have still not been able to get that broad, flat gizmo there to work, which is a design you have borrowed from one of your GRANDPA’S more mysterious inventions.
What. BILLIONAIRE!?!???????!!!!?? Is the island his property!?!??
You are a great admirer of his, and you are not alone. Your grandfather is a WORLD RENOWNED EXPLORER-NATURALIST-TREASURE HUNTER-ARCHEOLOGIST-SCIENTIST-ADVENTURER-BIG GAME HUNTER-BILLIONAIRE EXTRAORDINAIRE. He has taught you everything you know.
But in spite of all his lessons, it is still difficult to escape his stern lectures when you are on the way out of the house to run your errands.
Well. Bless this paragraph. The relationship between grandpa and Jade stopped being reminiscent of the one between Dave and BRO and just started to resemble the one between John and DAD. I was getting worried. The guardians monopolize their children’s time whenever they can (one with baked goods and japery, the other with lessons and stern lectures).
He spends most of his time in the GRAND FOYER, stewing in his own intensity and charisma.
Perhaps he is a bit self-centered? But I fail to see the big deal. To my surprise, they do seem to have lots of communication. Plus, she has been pretty clear that she admires him.
And today will likely be no exception. Among the errands you have planned is to venture out to find your pet and best friend named BECQUEREL.
Bec is actually just a nickname. You have to find him?? So he just strolls around on the island?
This animal must be fed and he will not be happy if he is not. And if he is not happy then you will not be happy.
Awww. “This animal”. Why so secretive? What is he, a fucking dragon?!
What will you do?
Did I mention that I really like the way characters are introduced? Because if we ever get a villain POV (please be a thing that happens, PLEASE) we could get things like “You have a knack for torturing people in order to get information from them” or “What will you do? Just go on a killing spree.” and it would be awesome. …I may or may not have a weakness for villains POV.
“My child. YOU WERE PLANNING TO GO OUT WITHOUT YOUR TRUSTY RIFLE ON HAND AND YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO CALL YOURSELF AN HARLEY?!??!?”
SO GRANDPA APPROVES. I don’t know if it’s better or worse. …Are there wild beasts on the island?
CORRECTION: Keeps changing.
……………….There is a lot to wonder, to be honest.
Those things all look better in green, honestly. Apart from, well … the sun. But I think I just got influenced by John’s t-shirt pattern. And the Sburb-looking Spirograph…. Keeping my eyes on you, young lady!
….Tangled up… playfully…. yeah…. CAN I GO BACK TO MR.T AND CHUCK NORRIS HANDCUFFED TOGETHER, PLEASE?!?
Jade, honey, don’t jump excitedly like that. Those things are slightly disturbing.
I really hope this command was sent by someone.
Oh, but you could NEVER do that. What marvelous creatures they are. What a daring dream, to combine the finest qualities of humanity with the elegance and nobility of the animal kingdom. How you wish you could know their world. To hear one night those muted pawpads traipse up your stairs. A low but friendly growl unsettles your slumber, and as the sopor seeps from your eyes they detect a sharp pair of ears cutting moonlight. A mysterious wolven tongue invites. Wouldn’t these ears suit you? Would not this proud long snout assist you in the hunt?
No need to answer. Words slough from the busy mind like a useless dead membrane as a more visceral sapience takes over. Something simpler is in charge now, a force untouched by the concerns and burdens of the upright, that farcical yoke the bipedal tow. It now drives you through the midnight brush, your paws whisking through creepers, unearthing with each bold stomp bright odors demanding investigation. But not for long, as you and your new friend must claim the night with piercing howls moonward. You eat a weird bug and don’t even care.
SHE IS A FUCKING FURRY IT HAS BEEN NICE READING HOMESTUCK BUT NOW IT’S TIME TO QUIT
I will overanalyze this to take my mind off it. More than liking the way she would look, she likes the freedom that being an animal would give her. But she’s a thirteen y/o kid. She’s as free as someone can be. She’s probably homeschooled and has all the island to herself. So why fear responsibilities that you don’t have?
The paragraph above aka “I am unable to find an obvious conflict or problematic with a newly introduced character and it is unsettling, so I am creating one.”
While Rose dreams of equipping her strife specibus with an encyclopedia full of dark and dangerous creatures, Jade plays dress up with dolls.
One of these is not like the others. Actually, forget that. They’re all fucking weird.
NOOOOOOO MY EYESSSS THEY’RE BURNING AAAAAHHHHHH
Guys. I’M SO DISAPPOINTED. GUYS. Did you seriously miss on the opportunity of making Jade and John run around dressed alike looking like effing twins?!?? You don’t know what fun is all about, do you?
THAT WAS A GHOST??? I thought it was a worm. 3%… Shame on you.
But WHAT ARE HER HAIR EVEN?!!
…My commentary on Jade’s introduction is just a repeat of Dave’s one for different reasons. I hope the similarities stop here because otherwise I will soon be in a screaming frenzy.
It is another beautiful day in your neighborhood. It is peaceful and quiet as usual. A rather imposing VOLCANO looms over your house, which has been inactive for centuries.
On the list of things we already knew.
Though dormant on the surface, the volcanic activity deep underground provides your house with a source of GEOTHERMAL POWER. You are not sure why your grandfather decided to draw from this source of energy when he had the UNLIMITED POWER OF THE ATOM at his disposal. But it has been this way for as long as you can remember.
Not a nerd, but a GEEK.
You have chalked it up to your family’s longstanding propensity for eclectic fursuits wait you mean pursuits.
THAT FREUDIAN SLIP, HARLEY. YOU CANNOT FOOL ME.
What is this nonsense about fursuits!!! You do not own a fursuit. You think ANTHROPOMORPHIC FAUNA are really cute and enchanting and all, but it has never occurred to you to dress as one. Sure, it is fun to imagine what it would be like to run wild with a pack of wolves, or purr and frolic with a litter of kittens, but dressing up as an animal just seems ridiculous. It would still just be a silly girl draped in a raggedy synthetic tufty piece of crap, and seriously who are you trying to kid with that sort of baloney!
DISCLAIMER: Jade dissociates herself from the furry fandom.
Anyway it is not a MAGIC CHEST, it it your GADGET CHEST, which you have adapted for storing a number of USEFUL GIZMOS.
It’s not a MAGIC chest, that foolishness is only for John. Of course she’s more on the science side than the magical one. She’s a little scientist, born and rais—AAAH, DAMMIT. IF SHE IS A SCIENTIST SHE CAN’T BE A WITCH. I thought I had settled this. ….Okay, I hadn’t, but even though I would have wanted Rose to be the Witch, I really liked the prospect of her as a Seer. She would have been the startegist of the team. Unless it’s meant to be inverse irony. And like… Jade, lover of nuclear physic and science becomes a Witch, a Witch of Space at that, therefore someone who manipulates it possibly breaking the laws of physics, and Rose who has practically been a Witch in the closet for half of her life gets to sit back and be the Seer; they are switching roles for some reason. …Okay, I know this is boring for you guys, because you already know who is who very well, I will try to stop speculating about it. …TRY.
It was once your ORACLE’S TRUNK, a gift from your grandfather of course, and still contains many silly FORTUNE TELLING KNICKKNACKS, all of which are completely bogus.
I TOLD YOU HER GRANDPA IS A PSYCHIC TOO. …Or he just knows of her powers and is trying to be thoughtful and present.
Without understanding… because her powers are innate.
PROBLEM SOOTH I’M GOING TO CRY
IS THAT GRANDPA?!?! And he is… Holding up… something in his hand?
Among the USEFUL GIZMOS are of course your COMPUTER, which you keep inside a FUN LUNCHBOX for easy transport
WHO PUTS A COMPUTER IN A LUNCH BOX?
and a couple of gizmos you keep handy so you don’t always have to make the long trip to the kitchen. There is a COOKALIZER for preparing delicious meals, and a REFRIGERATOR, a name which clearly is a wacky variation on the much more common household item, the REFRIGIFYIFICATOR.
Jade and Grandpa Harley don’t usually eat together! Aww. And their relationship was going so well.
Aaaaand I think that’s all for tonight. Next on:
Jade tells us why her powers are better than some cue ball trash… and hopefully where those powers come from too.
Am I going to regret posting this? Most certainly.
Will I post it anyway? But OF COURSE.
So I think I will have to close the inbox for a couple of days or more in order to catch up with the messages, and since I will be replying to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM, before closing it I thought it was time to do something I have wanted to do for a while. I must confess that I am kind of really self-conscious when I write. I am always asking myself if I am commenting too much, too little, if that one pun was too awful to post (yes, I’m being serious), if I am boring you, if I insert too many gifs, not enough gifs, etc etc… later on I have been receiving asks that told me to change something. And I wondered if others had opinions about it as well but chose not to share.
Sooo, I am openly asking you to tell me what you like of this liveblog so far, and what you DON’T like. If you would like to see more of something, or less of something else TELL ME. If you prefer long posts or short ones… Seriously, GO WILD. Any kind of feedback is appreciated. You could tell me to make post titles sound sillier. I WILL TAKE NOTE OF IT.
Things you cannot ask me: USE CAPS LOCK LESS. I’M SORRY, IT IS PART OF MY BEING, YOU WOULD BE ASKING ME TO BETRAY MY OWN IDENTITY AND I WOULD REPLY WITH A RANT WRITTEN ENTIRELY IN CAPS LOCK— I am kidding. If you have trouble reading what I write when I use it, feel free to make me know. I will try try to use it only when it is extremely necessary. Otherwise I will bold the words like I just did.
Things you cannot ask me: Read faster, post faster, reply faster (well, I don’t blame you for the last one but STILL) I liveblog and reply whenever I have time and feel like it.
Okay, I think I have said everything I needed to say. Your turn to speak now!
So when do I get to meet Jade's secret circle of friends?
Should I be closing my inbox? Yes. Should I be replying to those asks? Definitely. What am I going to do? Keep liveblogging. See, I’m perfectly logical. I made the mistake of sneaking a peek to what came next and couldn’t stop.
You know, all this emphasis on the cue balls being useless are really making me think they are TOTALLY NOT.
When the MAGIC 8 BALL isn’t being frustratingly ambiguous, its forecast is always wrong! You have tested it numerous times with certain facts you know to be true.
It could be that you’re just interpreting the things you see wrong… If you are asking about stuff you’ve seen, I mean. AND I WOULD LIKE THIS. Jade has always been so coy about her powers, even when she freaked out about the meteor, she soon got to know what it was all about and the smugness came back. Knowing what’s going to happen in advance would make anyone feel pretty safe. So she’s just playing along and doing what she’s supposed to, SHE HAS SEEN IT ALREADY, AFTER ALL. I want her to fuck up with a prediction VERY BADLY and be like “Shit. What do I do now!?!?”. THAT would be interesting. I’m not being mean to poor Jade, I just want to see what she’s all about. Ever heard of the advice people give to authors? Break your characters so that you can show your readers what they’re made of? Yeah.
This is its reply when you ask if it is your friend John’s birthday today. See? Stupid!
Hussie, you need to work better on the foreshadowing thing. This fits so well with my theory of Dad Egbert being John’s ADOPTIVE father. Today wouldn’t be John’s birthday, but the day he was adopted, assuming DAD doesn’t know on which day John was really born. …But in that case wouldn’t the cue ball just have said “No.”?? …Okay, maybe the cue balls really are just baloney.
…This happens when you guys suggest I speculate more.
You guess maybe it could be used as a reverse-prediction device, and always trust the opposite of what it says. But that seems dumb to you. And anyway, the thing gives you a bad vibe. You might consider smashing it, but you are a little superstitious about whatever ominous consequences that might have, even if the occult talisman in question is a cheap piece of garbage.
Jade has this thing where she immediately wants to smash and throw objects she dislikes. LIKE, CALM DOWN GIRL. I love her so far.
THAT IS NOT A PIECE OF JUNK THEN.
JADE. Just because she cannot play it… *sighs*
HELP, I’M CRYING.
One and the same.
I’m SO ANGRY. I’m really, really good at this stupid game and this is not an interactive page.
Someone should tell Jade to stop smashing the Fourth Wall.
Why is the fruit d-dancing…?
I’m actually really good at this. It’s so UNFAIR.
I WILL WRITE A LETTER OF COMPLAINT. I WILL FUCKING WRITE IT. FUCKING WATCH ME. I WILL FIGHT YOU, HUSSIE.
Oh, well. There is a lot of choice.
That doesn’t sound like an healthy diet for your pet, Jade!
THAT REALLY DOESN’T SOUND LIKE AN HEALTHY DIET FOR YOU PET, JADE!!!
…Was this a reader command? Did Andrew Hussie post the page, waiting for suggestions, not expecting anyone to say IRRADIATE IT, but then someone did and he was like “Welp, gotta roll with it. I will think about the implications later.”
Because I now will have to accept the fact that Bec enjoys eating irradiated food, and it doesn’t kill him. A weirdass pet for a weirdass owner, I guess.
I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS.
OH MY GOD.
It’s impossible to play in person? How do you not play it in person??? I should make a page for all the ridiculously ambiguous things Jade says.
No matter how talented you are I doubt you would be able to play that abomination with only two hands, who even built that thing. Why did YOU buy it?
Why, to grow your plants, of course.
I don’t even know what is up with her anymore. I… I give up. And she lives in a freaking tower. Only her grandpa’s laboratory is above her.
And John’s package is here, parachuting from the sky, no less! It is a present from John to Jade.
WHAT. NO. WHY IS IT LANDING?! Jade, I refuse to believe you don’t shot your mail down with a slingshot, Animal Crossing style. I’m so disappointed.
SHE BECKONS THE DARK EMBRACE OF THE CREEPY PUPPETS. Dave could learn a thing or two, really.
Jade, stop smiling, your computer IS SMOULDERIN—
—WHAT THE HECKY HECK.
Oh, wow! I had forgotten technology was so advanced in 2009!!
Nice wallpaper…. Really…. immersive.
Hello, mystery arm! Pray tell, who is your mystery owner? But into Jade’s computer, rude! Shouldn’t be snooping in ladies’ properties! …Unless you are also a lady. …Or you have permission. Or you ARE Jade.
EXCUSEEEEE MEEEEEEE EX-FUCKING-CUSE ME
WHO ARE ALL THOSE PEOPLE!?!!!!!!;!¡!!!!!!! JADE??? I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION??? YOU HAVE OTHER FRIENDS??? BESIDES THOSE THREE DORKS?!!?!! OH MY SHIT.
OH NO. DO WE HAVE TO BRING ALL THOSE PEOPLE INTO THE MEDIUM!?!?! HAVE YOU SEEN THE FUCKING SCROLLBAR!?!?!? THEY ARE AT LEAST TWENTY! Twenty new introductions???? Twenty new guardians?!?!??
Waaaaiiiit. They’re not chums. They’re… trolls? They were a thing when I began to approach Facebook. It was hell. A phenomenon of internet culture. More like… a disaster. Not so popular anymore, I think. Memes are so much better.(I will get anon hate for saying this.) You find some assholes on YouTube who address themselves as trolls… but that’s it.
Ooohh, man. That’s too many people. That’s… way too many people. And apparently they’re all being not very nice to Jade? They are in her Trollslum list after all.
There’s carcinoGeneticist, the only one online (that I can see). AND PRETTY RANCOROUS. No, wait. they’re ALL pretty rancorous. That’s the default icon, not their mood. Dave would never select the grinning smiley. He always has the swaggy one on. …WITH SHADES.
ArachnidsGrip??? What kind of chumhandle is that? Well, carcinoGenetist is even worse. To be fair, John’s chumhandle is also ridiculous. And I was forbidden from looking up what ectobiology even is. Which is a spoiler in itself because I now know it is important.
Arachnidsgrip. A possessive person who likes spiders. A spider is symbol of persistence, mischief, but also malice. They could make an interesting character?? Unless they just like spiders.
carcinoGeneticist. Well, carcino has more than one meaning; one being cancerous and the other being crab. I would go with the latter to keep the animal motif but then there is Geneticist, so I wouldn’t exclude the first. Cancer does originate from a mutation of DNA, after all. …Cancerous Geneticist? A geneticist who gives cancer?? That’s a pretty crappy geneticist if you ask me! Of the serie “You had one job!” kind of crappy, since geneticists literally study the genetic variations in organisms. Yeah, screw the crab, it was the first meaning.
twinArmageddons. ….I think these kids’ chumhandle may go a little deeper in meaning than our kids’ ones… Umh. Twin. They could simply have a twin? Or maybe two kids share the same chumhandle? Wouldn’t it be ‘twins’ then? Or maybe their brother/sister’s chumhandle is twinSomethingElse. Twin’s etymology is double or— wait. what if it isn’t used as a noun but as an adjective? Actually, it is how it should be read. I’m dumb. Armageddons. Well, you sure seem to think you are a big deal, kid! Referring to yourself as Armageddon. Whatcha you gonna do? Stomp your tiny thirteen y/o feet around and bring the apocal—OOOH, NOOO. It’s not your fault the world is ending!! There are so many people playing Sburb! Don’t blame yourself! … Unless you are somehow involved in the creation of Sburb… But I think Grandpa Harley is in on it too, and I forgive him! So both forgiven. …Unless you knew it would have brought the apocalypse beforehand… But I think Jade may have known something about it too… and I forgive her! So both forgiven. ….Actually, I don’t think anyone would have believed a thirteen years old kid screaming around telling people not to play a game because it would have brought the apocalypse, so yeah…
……….How the fuck did I manage to write so much about a chumhandle.
terminallyCapricious. ….This one doesn’t seem to hold any deeper meaning. They just sound unpleasant. “I’M FICKLE AND I KNOW IT!” Like… seriously guys, you don’t have to flaunt your flaws around.
caligulasAquarium. …Why do they all think they are such big shots? Caligula?? Really?? You do know he was a tyrant, right? And he kinda met an horrible end… But if you wanna look up to him, go on. Aquarium. Well, they either like aquatic animals or hate them, depending on how one interprets Caligula.
I will never get used to this.
SHE REALLY THINKS HE’S COOL I’M DEAD BURY ME
PFFTAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IT DOESN’T EVEN FIT IN THE SCRREN OH MY GOD
I thought I would have saw a CONVERSATION, not a monolog! This is way worse than with John. Incredible. Does Dave even talk to his brother? He sounds pretty lonely when he does things like these.
Update: I’m making a page with ridiculously ambiguous stuff Jade says and ridiculously ambiguous stuff others say about her.
I think Jade has some misconceptions about sleeping… or sleep works differently for her. Because… basically, she either thinks she is a somnambulist that somehow can read and reply to messages or… SHE CAN. Possibly because of her powers. Narcoleptic psychics can do weird things. She told Dave and he believed her. BUT whatever she thinks she does/does, she believes others can do it too. In a conversation with John she frustratedly told him to wake up, even though HE WAS AWAKE and it was pretty damn obvious, since he was REPLYING to her.
Coquettish? Dave, last time you assumed a girl was flirting with you she accused you of flagrant homosexuality in the next conversation you had with her.
Dave sounds so conflicted! And John said he and Rose often try to drop hints about her weird powers. And I kind of have this headcanon where Dave gets existential crisis after midnight or when he is sleep deprived…
began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 2009-03-11 – 03:07
TG: hey buddy EB: its 3am. TG: yeah i know but this is important EB: ITS 3AM. TG: yeah listen EB: do you ever wonder what the holy everlasting shit jade is all about EB: oh my god!!! dave i’m so tired of you and rose getting on my case about this, jade is a perfectly normal girl. you and rose are the weirdass ones! TG: it keeps me up at night TG: thinking about it EB: i noticed! TG: but listen
Sorry, I had to get this out of my system. Is the beginning of ACT 3 too early to have headcanons?
Is that part of his next SBAHJ comic??
He was joking, RIGHT?! He isn’t really having pet food for dinner, RIGHT!?!?!!? I’m going to slay BRO.
THAT’S WHAT HE NEEDED TO DO?? IT TOOK HIM FIFTEEN MINUTES??? I take back everything I said about how he would make a good Knight of Time. I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING.
I must say I’m really really liking Jade and Dave’s relationship. In his conversation with her, Dave basically was being as uncool as possible. All alone, moping. And he didn’t even care. And what is Jade’s opinion about him?? “Sooooo cooooooool.” IT’S INCREDIBLE.
The Showtime and Ohgodwhat remix were amazing. The Aggrieve one aggrieved my ears.
WHAT IS JOHN DOING ON MSPAINTADVENTURES. Jade… how do you NOT realize…. Oh, dear.
Ah, yes. A summary of ACT 1. This conveys my emotions exactly!
Already making stabs at the real intermission, I see. I GET IT, IT WILL BE RELEVANT, I GET IT.
ACT 1031. ACT 1031. SUDDENLY I’M PERFECTLY FINE WITH HOMESTUCK’S SIX ACTS.
THE MUSIC. SO GOOD.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS. IF THIS IS ACT 1031 WHY ARE THEY GETTING INTRODUCED ONLY NOW. I MEAN, I KNOW IT IS NOT AN ACTUAL WEBCOMIC BUT KEEP IT REALISTIC??
There was a poster of the green dudes in Dave’s room. Green dudes are called The Felt.
The Felt and the Midnight Crew are in the same webcomic?? I thought they were two different things.
To more interesting points… If Homestuck is the intermission to the Midnight Crew… Does that mean that the Midnight Crew is… you know, the intermission to Homestuck??
And I think I might know why it is so relevant that I received asks telling me not to skip it since the day I started this liveblog… But I want more proof to back it up!
This conversation with actual context sounds incredibly different.
Jade immediately mentioning John doesn’t feel off-putting anymore.
I have once again to wonder what the heck Bec even is?!? The dragon option sounds more and more appealing. For all I know Jade’s wallpaper was just a cute photo of her pet. He could eat up uranium for breakfast. …Welp, WV did it too… but we don’t know of the consequences yet.
NO, DAVE. YOUR SITUATION IS NOT NORMAL. GODDAMMIT DAVE. EATING PET FOOD FOR DINNER IS NOT NORMAL. HAVING THOUSANDS OF CREEPILY SUGGESTIVE PUPPETS IS NOT NORMAL. EVEN BEC IS GETTING STEAK??? HAVING A KITCHEN FULL OF POSSIBLY FATAL OBJECTS IS NOT NORMAL. I think if someone told Dave he doesn’t have to stand all that crap, if someone sat down next to him and explained it to him, he would have a break down.
NOOOO NO NONONONO NOOOO I’M NOT READY RIGHT NOW.
And so I think I will watch it tomorrow. I didn’t liveblog a lot of pages but, boooy, did I write.
All your answers in one place. ;) This sounded like a bad commercial’s line...
…………How did I let this happen……..
It’s haunting me…… WELL, TEMPTING! BUT INCREDIBLY RUDE!
I’m going to take full responsibilities for this! I will reply to those in batches because I’m not that much of an asshole that I make 90 ask replies show up on your dash.
So it is a thing everyone agrees to? Nice! Does an animal reside on John’s and Jade’s head too?
…You discovered? Do you go around beating up people with it? Well, better than using an actual sword, I guess! Also, none of my business what others decide to do with their swords. Your sword, your rules.
It is surprisingly easy to spot parallels when you are commenting almost everything! I’m the living proof of it, I’ve got the worst memory ever but I could anyway! :D
See? I had totally forgotten about this! And thank you, anon! :)
Thank you all! Until mid-act 4, got it! Some of you are… contradicting each other, but that part seems clear.
I didn’t even know it existed! It probably isn’t being sold in Italy. Or at least I’ve never seen a can of it in my life. We got Coca-Cola Zero and Coca-Cola Light, their taste is indecent.
…Yes?? I’m not sure what you mean. I’ve got thesaurus opened in another tab whenever either Rose or Dave utter a word. And I’m looking up the etymology of many words, also the symbolic meaning of some other words. And I’m obviously not looking up Homestuck related words, I don’t want my ask screener to kill me, mind you. :)
Yeah… funny for you! I doubt it will be funny for me! (̿·̿ ̿Ĺ̯̿̿·̿ ̿) AND I ABSOLUTELY AGREE WITH THE LAST PART!
Doesn’t matter now, I’ve got my revenge… (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
OH, WOW, EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP.
I spoiled him the entirety of the finale of 999: NINE HOURS, NINE PERSONS, NINE DOORS… wrongly. Well, it was all stuff that really happened in the game, but with context… it all assumes a different meaning, very different. Basically, it fucked him up pretty badly.
The game is part of a series called Zero Escape, in particular a visual novel, the gameplay consists of puzzles of every genre. It is composed of three games, one yet to be produced AND IT IS FUCKING AMAZING. Seriously, GIVE IT A TRY. There are time travel shenanigans, and (the second game much more than the first) a very complex plot. The characters are absolutely amazing, dialogues are comedy gold. IT’S GLORIOUS. There is absolutely everything in it: science, psychology, history, chemistry, everything you may want. Puns are majestically cringe-worthy. DO YOU LIKE PUZZLES? A DARK ATMOSPHERE? SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU THINK? GO ON, PLAY IT. YOU WON’T REGRET IT. It is very text-heavy… but I’m talking with people who love Homestuck, so why even bother mentioning it. And the story is obviously freaking beautiful. I can’t tell you a lot about it, literally anything would be a spoiler.
Okay, I’m done fangirling, moving on.
So it’s hella freaking long…. I already knew, but I never thought it it was THAT long. I don’t know how I feel about this. I… I need a moment.
Why is everybody so obsessed with that number anyway?? Okay, arch number, but it’s getting a little ridiculous. I was surprised the combination for DAD’s safe wasn’t 413.
More confirmation that BRO is completely deranged, not that I needed any.
First of all, thank you. Second of all, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME, THIS WILL KEEP ME UP AT NIGHT. Okay… I’m exaggerating a bit. I keep looking at your ask and I don’t get it. Mmmhhh, my best guess would be that they get to pick the title they want?? But I find it a little unlikely. I dunno. But by the way this just made the most beautiful scene pop up in my mind; IMAGINE: The moment of the choice has come. John and Dave have already sorted it out and brofisted. Only two titles remain: Seer and Witch. Rose looks at Jade. Jade looks at Rose. Rose squints. Jade frowns. John and Dave shrug. Together in unison, the girls whisper: “I will be the Seer.” In a matter of a few seconds, all hell broke loose as John and Dave have to separate the girls while they keep screaming at each other; “THE SEER TITLE IS MINE!! IT’S IN MY DESTINY!!” and “SCREW YOUR DESTINY, HARLEY! I WON’T BE THE WITCH! THIS IS A SETUP! MOTHER, YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!”
……In short, I really need more Jade and Rose’s interaction, before I try to compensate by writing abominations like the one above. …I had fun, tho.
…I don’t. I really don’t. Okay, but I was just teasing and I know she isn’t that kind of furry! I should hope so, she’s thirteen! I think it is just me, but that stuff really creeps me out, I don’t know why. I swear I preferred Cal to those squiddles… getting… tangled up… playfully…. OH MY GOD. I CANNOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
Awww, that’s a shame. But I am really liking the music so far! I will make my ask screener look into this.
Makes sense! Thank you!
THANK YOU! And I will try to speculate more without worrying about getting things wrong! But get ready for wild theories then!
Classes? You mean their titles, right? Nanna had a big mouth when she was young and left a really detailed letter to John in which she talked about it in the Colonel Sassacre’s book. And now I’m suspicious of practically every relative of the kids.
………………….GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.
Oh, well. It was a bit ridiculous after all, to have 1031 acts.
Oh, wow! THANK YOU! Did I get something right then? ┬┴┬┴┤( ͡° ͜ʖ├┬┴┬┴
This explains why it wasn’t on the dictionary! Oh, and also thank you because I didn’t think about ectoplasm at all. I thought it was meant to be ecto=outer from greek, and it didn’t make much sense!
FIRST OF ALL: THANK GODNESS. Second, so Dave wrote a freaking poem about that only because she is a furry?? AWWWW.
HIS FURSONA. Please tell me I can google that and see it without getting somehow spoiled. I mean… somebody did draw it, right???
AND I AM FINISHED. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS. I DID IT. INCREDIBLE.
I replied to many of those asks in private, so if yours isn’t up there, go check your inbox. Nothing in your inbox? It was probably considered a spoiler and deleted. You sent spoilers?? Go sit in the corner and think about what you did!!
If you’re 100% sure it wasn’t a spoiler, and you, like… asked me about the weather or something, then it’s Tumblr’s fault.
If it was adressed to my ask screener (his name is Leonardo, by the way)
and he has to show it to me at a later date, he took a screenshot and erased the ask. He told me he did it with a couple of messages.
ALL THE ASKS I RECEIVED WHEN I ASKED FOR FEEDBACK HAVE BEEN READ AND I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE ALL AMAZING AND SUPER NICE!!!
I don’t even have a title. I’m too crestfallen to care.
This is my third attempt at eating and/or drinking while liveblogging this thing and the first two did not end well, all thanks to John. I spat tea all over my keyboard. BUT THIRD TIME’S A CHARM and I take a stab at it again with tea and cookies. Let’s hope John is less of a dork in this post.
Where was I? …Oh, man. Dave’s STRIFE. Oh, gosh.
I clicked. There is no turning back. Let’s hope that nobody falls from the building, that no meteor hits them while they fight, that BRO isn’t as creepy in this flash, that there won’t be any suicide attempts, etc, etc…
THAT’S A LOT OF—
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A STRIFE WITH BRO I COULDN’T CARE LESS ABOUT THAT STUPID PUPPET
ARE YOU SHITTING ME. HE CANNOT EVEN LAND A HIT ON CAL, LET ALONE HIS BROTHER.
THAT’S IT???? This let me down so much, you have no idea. Well, only ROUND ONE but still. I expected so much more. Some insightful stuff about their relationship! Like with Rose and her mother’s strife… I don’t know. I expected more. This was kinda disappointing.
OOOOHHHH, MY. Was this supposed to scare me?? I think Cal is losing its touch. BRO and Cal just look ridiculous. Now I’m waiting for the day I stop screeching every time squiddles show up and do… that… tangled up thingy—OH GOD.
….That will take more time, I think.
YES. This is way more interesting and I’ve been waiting for it.
THE SASSINESS, IT’S BLINDING ME. You got the right person, girl.
Yes, well. She has to feed her pet dragon with irradiated food as she does any other day and probably will meet her grandpa and hopefully it will end up in a more interesting strife than the Striders one. Make it quick, Rose.
So Dave WILL pull through and get her in The Medium! …As soon as he stops fighting with inanimate objects, that is.
IS SHE EVEN TRYING TO HIDE IT AT THIS POINT?? Yes, Jade Harley here, professional psychic at your service, did you need to know anything in particular?
Yes, it had to be the crappiest day ever, this fits the descriptio— WHAT. Jade never lied??? She doesn’t have the game! She knew about the game but not about its name… She’s so fucked.
She’s not fucked. She knew about everything beforehand. She knows of a way to get a copy, the little shit. Otherwise she wouldn’t be so unconcerned. …I thought she got little glimpses of the future, but it looks like she knows every little detail now. …Whenever I think I got the hang of her powers she pulls things like these on me…
But actually, getting a copy shouldn’t be that hard. Jade has transportalizers in her house, right? And they showed the same symbol of the contraption in WV’s capsule. So who says her grandpa doesn’t have an appearifier hidden somewhere?? All she would have to do is appearify the only copy nobody is using and nobody is going to use anytime soon. That would be Dave’s copy. All she would have to do is sneak into her grandpa’s laboratory or wherever they store the thing and appearify Dave’s game. And you may say: “But how would she know the right coordinates??”. Well, Jade has already seen the way she will get a copy. In this case she would have seen herself insert the coordinates, and would know what to type into the thing. Easy. This is the most logical theory I’ve ever freaking written. I don’t even care if I’m wrong. It makes perfect sense.
Okay, I was lying… I think I will scream if it just turns out grandpa has a copy hidden somewhere.
ROSE. You keep yourself and your ambiguous opinions on Jade’s home situation as far away as possible. HE’S NOT THAT KIND OF SCIENTIST, OKAY? …I think.
They will be fine because I just said so. I won’t have another strider-like situation. DID I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR??
My Homestuck experience so far.
Patience may not be Rose’s forte, but she makes it up with courage. She will be alright. Hell, the girl stared at meteors all around her and smirked intrigued. She takes every freaking thing as a personal challenge.
JADE. BRINGING THE APOCALYPSE IS NOT GOING TO BE FUN. KILLING EVERYONE ON EARTH ISN’T GOING TO BE FUN.
I don’t think she’s grasped this concept yet.
Jade just outdid herself with the hearts. Probably compensating for the fact that Rose will nearly die engulfed by flames before entering The Medium and SHE KNOWS ALREADY.
You are now the other girl several hours in the future. It appears a secret passage in the mausoleum has been opened.
BY YOUR MOTHER, WHO SAVED YOUR ASS. Be thankful.
So green, much shiny. Sburb laboratory ahead? Sburb laboratory ahead.
AAAHHHH, WHY NOW.
Try as you might, you can’t stop your mind from drifting to the fate of your friends. You dwell on a particular configuration of REMINDERS on your finger.
This is from Jade’s POV. Those are things she has seen by herself. When will I get an explanation? Will I EVER get one?
Oh, the cruel irony. Killed by the very same weighty tome that brought his grandma away before they even had any chance to meet… As his grandma watches…
SPRITES CAN RESTORE HEALTH TOO?? With the power of the mighty cookies…. The Egbert family, everyone.
The random POV switches irk me SO MUCH.
I wouldn’t get SO CLOSE.
The early worm gets the mail box.
…The angry soldier is gonna wreck its shit.
YOU FUCKING DID IT, WEIRD WORM THING! NOW YOU GONNA GET A TASTE OF HIS WRATH!!
I better get used to random POV switches.
Rose’s FAQ?!?! ROSE THIS IS GOING TO FAR, YOU’RE GOING TO GET INCINERATED AND YOU’RE STILL— Oh. It’s John??
He speaks holy words, wise words.
I can’t believe that out of the four kids JOHN EGBERT of all people gets to play the Straight Man.
………..Every time you insult him, I take note of it. One day you will pay for this.
BEHOLD THE “AMAZING HACKER SKILLZ” I GOT TEA UP MY NOSE AGAIN!! GODDAMMIT, EGBERT!
Because his file naming choices of “UGGHH.ath” did not at all give away his frustration and failures at programming, no sir.
……………….I’m…. not laughing anymore…. Did he hit his head…. when did he get so smart….
N-no, John… It’s okay… I misjudged. I’m so sorry. I will never call you dumb ever again.
That sounds like it makes a lot of sense. I wouldn’t know, I didn’t really get everything. I just hope it isn’t going to be relevant.
How much time did that take??
The website doesn’t work anymore. :(
Back to Rose! SN. Sburb…N…. Nah. I got nothing.
Grandpa Harley here??
OH. That’s pretty big.
IT’S PRETTY FREAKING BIG, SERIOUSLY WHO EVEN NEEDS A PLACE LIKE THIS??
CAN’T I JUST STAY WITH ROSE FOR A WHILE
Well, she really will be spoiled for choice when it will be time to prototype. Some of those animals… are kind of ..abnormal.
THIS DOESN’T MEAN THEY HAVE A BAD RELATIONSHIP. I HAVE TO KEEP BELIEVING.
Grandpa just has… a weird taste.
One of these is not like the others…
Although, those travels… And he has SO MUCH stuff. I hope he doesn’t leave her alone for too long. She seemed pretty independent, but still. She’s only thirteen. And I don’t think anyone else lives on the island.
OH. JESUS. OH. OH GOD. SWEET LORD.
These are words I never thought I would utter but
DAVE HAS GOT IT SO GOOD WITH THE PUPPETS
W-why don’t we see what the guy is up to?
I tried to find a gif that could convey my emotions. I failed. What… the fuck?
KEEP BELIEVING KEEP BELIEVING NICE RELATIONSHIP NORMAL RELATIONSHIP KEEP BELIEVING!!!
S-sisters?? I can feel my hopes fading…
Is he nuts???
I PREFERRED WHEN GUARDIANS DIDN’T UTTER A WORLD.
This is incredibly creepy. Jade, honey, I never thought I would say this. I was betting on this relationship. I really was. Run. I think you’re better off on your own. Honestly, Grandpa puts those women on a pedestal and tells Jade maybe one day she will be worthy of being there. Wouldn’t that put pressure on the kid shoulders, make her worried that she won’t meet his expectations?? I’m looking too much into things again, aren’t I?
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
JADE, WHATEVER YOU DO, NEVER, EVER PROTOTYPE THAT THING. OR THE MUMMIES, NOT THE MUMMIES.
Mmmhhh. I have seen something similar before.
Yeah, it’s John’s browser icon/wallpaper whatever! The other kids’ ones are identical, only in different colors. …. And if one exists the other should too. Hidden somewhere in the kids’ houses??
JOHN GETS INTO HIS DAD’S ROOM AND FINDS ANOTHER OF THOSE HUGE ASS THINGS IN THE BLUE VARIATION. …WELL, JADE HAS GOT THE GREEN ONE, ONLY FAIR JOHN GETS THE BLUE.
…He would pass out at the sight of it and you know it. Not before screaming like a little girl, let’s be clear.
Grandpa is there. I was looking forward to their strife?? Now I’m not so sure??
Maybe Dave sent you so many messages that Pesterchum decided to let you know anyway, in case it was important. (It won’t be.)
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD YESSSSS NICE
I didn’t expect this so soon! I thought they would be mentioned before seeing a conversation!
*cracks fingers* BRING IT ON.
They are amazing friends. She’s so happy to hear from them, look.
~Friendship is magic~
Jade has done absolutely nothing relevant other than trying to badly conceive her powers, what are you talking about, grey text kid. FUUUUUUUCK. WAIT. How would you know that she’s going to fuck up something?? AAAUUUGHHHH. Other psychics. Other fucking psychics.
Finally? You been waiting for this?
Mmmmh. Have they already talked about this?
And you can’t block them? I’ve got what you really need:
Seriously, if all those people on Pesterchum are being mean to her why doesn’t she just use another program to chat with the others?? Or EVEN EASIER, just change chumhandle and give it only to the other kids? Or MORE EFFECTIVE, just tell Grandpa so he doxes them all, and sends his personal squad to beat them up? …Protective Grandpa Harley is an headcanon that won’t ever die no matter how much of a weirdo he is. I like it simply too much.
Oooooohhhh, someone is pretty sure of themselves here!! Well, I will have you know that Jade is a freaking nuclear physicist. I doubt you can beat that. What are you? A crappy hacker geneticist? Pffft.
Both Jade and John wouldn’t be able to make a decent comeback if their lives depended on it.
Random person: you’re lameeeee John and Jade: well, you’re lamer!!!! Random person: …did you just insult yourself? John and Jade: …ffffffuck.
NOOOO, JADE. Don’t block them!
…You may have wanted to make them tell you how you fucked up. They WERE trying to change your mind after all.
ALTHOUGH they didn’t seem to care at all about Jade. Which means that whatever she did, it probably concerns them. They wouldn’t bother to help otherwise. Mmmhhh. I also think they are a boy but I cannot be completely sure.
And just what did they do to piss off Jade so thoroughly. I mean… Jade is sunshine and rainbows, hearts emoticons and too many exclamation points, how do you even manage to piss her off.
And I’ve been thinking about how all these new characters come into play… literally! They cannot be in our kids’ session. Because there are four planets and four spires and four everything so nope.
It could be another session. Although if we believe to what Rose said, sessions are separated and each one has their own dimension. They wouldn’t play together. I don’t get the purpose of having another session, with other kids.
Also, about Jade. Change her mind?? What is she planning??
And if she does fuck something up, it should be BEFORE she enters The Medium. AFTER, nothing she could do would concern someone who is in another dimension or still on Earth.
And WHAT does she fuck up anyway. And she didn’t fuck something up she fucked EVERYTHING up. What the heck, Jade??
Okay so I looked up what writing in all caps may mean and:
This is the first image that came up I’M CRYING.
BUT I ALSO FOUND THIS INTERESTING ANALYSIS THAT I’M BOOKMARKING FOR WHEN I PROPERLY MEET THEM:
Plus they wrote in gray of all the colors so yeah, pretty anonymous.
413, blaze play it. PLAY SBURB. DESTROY YOUR PLANET.
IT’S A TRANSPORTALIZER.
ROSE ROSE ROSE YOUR DEAD CAT SHOULDN’T BE ON THERE
Goodbye Jasper, our time together was short but surely intense. I enjoyed immensely your sassy talks with Rose… even though she was the only one who could hear you. I’m sure you had a quirky and witty personality.
Don’t worry, he’s fine. Well, as fine as you can be being dead. Plus, This is not really a goodbye since you’re obviously going to prototype him.
Rose is starting not to like the “little surprises” the tree modus makes to her anymore.
I THOUGHT THE MODUS WASN’T A PHYSICALLY EXISTING THING.
Why can’t Rose get a break….? And SKAIANET.
THOUSANDS of years, probably. And there wasn’t such an advanced technology that far ago. Guess it got made the same way the temple on Jade’s island did.
Again, he’s too busy fighting with the family’s imposed mascot to bother.
The shortest lifespan in the webcomic. I seriously doubt we’re gonna get anyone who lasts shorter. It would be along the lines of “Enter nam— Oh, shoot. It seems they’re dead now. …Well, this is awkward. Moving on.”
…Which considering the sense of humor the author has been displaying so far, wouldn’t be that impossible of a scenario.
Soooo, he goes from John’s house toooo…. possibly Dave’s house?? I doubt he’s going to Rose’s house. WV just got away from there. And obviously I would be delighted if he got to Jade’s house and met WV. I want to know if they would bond over the misfortune of being wanders in the desert or slay each other because they come from opposite factions. But that’s probably too much to ask. Unless both the capsules have her house as the designed destination when the “home” command is inserted.
….For how much time has he been Cal’s personal dancing floor?
ACTUAL COMMUNICATION. GOD BLESS.
HE LEARNT THE BALLERINA POSE FROM HIS BRO, LOOK!
You guys are breaking some laws here. Besides the fact that being that cool should be considered illegal in many countries, I’m referring to the laws of physic. And you’re defying gravity a little too much.
How did he not broke at least five bones…?? Has BRO been training Dave?? They’re both really good, but BRO is still way too strong for Dave.
Why I’m not freaking out about Dave falling down those stairs? Honestly, after seeing these guys’ daily shenanigans this is probably the healthiest way they interact. The Striders version of family bonding.
Really!? What makes you think so? I question your judgment, Rose.
Mmmmh. There are also five Spirograph portal or gates or whatever they’re called.
Well, well, well… And what do we have here? Another map of the Incipisphere. Although this is not our kids’ session. And RIGHT AFTER a new character has been introduced. There were more than eight people on Jade’s Trollslum list though. Or… I may have been looking to much into things… Maybe the scrollbar doesn’t mean anything. BUT even the chumhandles that WERE shown are only five. There must be more people. Maybe we will have three Sburb sessions?? I mean… Why not?
One with four kids, one with eight and the other with all those who remain.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MANY FREAKING THINGS I’M AN IDIOT. That’s why there were so many meteors falling near Rose’s house even though she lives in the middle of a forest. AND also why a meteor has fallen on Jade’s island, even though she’s not playing yet and grandpa sure isn’t either.
The Earth is so doomed. Civilization wasn’t that great anyway.
There are like thousands of meteors which hit all near the same place…
The random tea set?? Someone just sits here sipping tea and watching humanity fall apart. Nice. Now you just need to stroke a cat and a glass of marti….ni—…………..Rose’s Mom? Stroking Jasper’s fur… Drinking alcohol, I just had an illumination. It fits. I just found out who the big villain was all along: MOM LALONDE.
Okay, I’m kidding but Mom and Grandpa are so effing suspicious, honestly.
AND NANNA. FREAKING NANNA. She knew every little detail.
So I speculated about a previous Sburb session but I am pretty sure that’s not it anymore. Because meteors hit everywhere, not just where a player is. If just two persons decide to play the game, the whole planet is done for.
GET OUT OF THERE, ROSE. YOU INVESTIGATED ENOUGH.
WHY IS JADE’S METEOR SO FUCKING BIG I’M GOING TO CRY.
I mean… It’s obviously Jade’s meteor, right?
The other one should be Dave’s.
And John’s meteor was also the biggest in his neighborhood. So the players’ meteors are always significantly bigger than the others.
> Rose: GET OUT OF THERE AND DON’T DIE.
Zoom out, girl.
I LOVE HOW ROSE DID NOT HESITATE ONE SECOND.
“Oh, look. John is fighting with some giant version of an imp. Also doing freaking pirouettes in the air while NANNA helps with her flashy laser powers. Guess I will give them an hand.”
THE GRIST. LOOK AT ALL THAT SWEET GRIST.
FAMILY TEAMWORK, YAY!
I panicked for a moment because I thought it was one of those random arms that show up every once in a while.
Well, I cannot disagree.
JOHN, I’M PRETTY SURE I ALREADY RANTED ABOUT THIS, BUT YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING AT ALL.
Nanna, you are so subtle, and not obvious at all like your grandson.
When will John stop trying to cheat?? Honestly, just get off that lazy butt AND FIGHT LIKE A HERO. The hero Jade thinks you are, and an hero your DAD can be really proud of.
Why, John, that’s clever. Nanna cannot say no to that.
John is almost never sassy and when he says things like these I completely and inexorably crack up.
The place where the constellations dance beneath the clouds?? Constellations dance above the clouds. Wait, constellations don’t dance at all. Unless you’re trying to be poetic.
IT’S SO PRETTY.
I TOLD YOU DAD EGBERT WAS GOING TO UTTERLY DESTROY YOU
I feel almost bad. He is just resigned to his fate.
Jesus, DAD, calm down, there is a limit to everything. The poor things are just doing their job! ….I just found the true purpose of the boondollars. John will have to pay for the structural damages.
Guys, someone is watching the Egbert family. And they have a very bad case of scoliosis. Man, go get checked.
THOSE ARE JUST A GIGANTIC VERSION OF JADE’S WINDOWS, GODDAMMIT.
AND THEY WERE GRANDPA’S BEFORE. GRANDPAAAAAAAAAAAAA, WHO ARE YOUUUUUUUU??????
nOT AN IMP. AND DEAR GOD, PUT AN HAT ON. THAT IS HORRIBLE TO WATCH.
Dear bountiful sir, care to tell me who would you be?
Well now. That’s a bit harsh. They’re trying their best but DAD is simply too strong, he has been handling that shaving cream for decades.
…..He’s getting INTRODUCED?!?! He could be one of the bad guys I mean look at how pissed he is AND HE IS GETTING INTRODUCED, DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS??? ….Like five days. Whoa.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH GODDAMMIT GOD FUCKING DAMMIT GODDAMMIT GODDAMMIT GOD FUCKING DAMMIT
I’m so glad I was alone in the house because I am embarrassing and I just emitted the loudest frustrated scream??? This is the THIRD TIME this webcomic has made me scream audibly.
PM. *deep sigh* First WV with Jade, now this. See you another time, pissed off dude.
THE BARCODE. What does the thing mean, exactly? Well, they were all members of the armies in The Medium, I suppose. He doesn’t look like a fighter, to be honest. …Neither does WV, I got worried that he would hurt himself when he started handling that “trusty knife” of his. Who says they HAD to be soldiers anyway. Actually, it makes more sense if they weren’t?? The war between Good and Evil didn’t even start until JOHN initiated it but those people have always been there. Living, minding their own business— OH, FRICK. THAT WOULD EXPLAIN AWAY WV’S AVERSION TO HIS KING SO NICELY. If he was just living his pacific life in the Dark Kingdom and one day someone told him to forget his previous life, tattooed a barcode on his arm, forced him to be a soldier and sent him on a war… I just made myself very sad through my own speculation. INCREDIBLE.
Someone told me ACT 3 had way less dialogue but if I gotta write paragraphs and paragraphs of speculation on each panel, finishing it is gonna take THREE YEARS.
Is the date fucking obscured? I’m going to punch someone.
SERIOUS BUSINESS. David was one of DAD’s coworker, evidently.
That is not addressed to you, PM. Rude!! Well, Dr. Brimner has probably been dead for years (but not many) but he would probably turn in his grave all the same.
OH, WOW. It is underlined and in caps. Didn’t mean to question your morals here, sorry.
Pretty sure Post Man is just one word, PM. It’s not like they are superheroe—
POST MAAAAAN *batman theme song starts playing in the distance, PM switches to his hero costume and flies off into the sun* Peregrine Mendicant has one job and one mission. DELIVERING THAT FUCKING MAIL. Nothing nor nobody will stop him. No Underling, no Denizen, no Agent, no Consort, NO FUCKING BODY.
PM… Post Man…. No, I’m finished with speculation on what these people could have been doing before the war started. I’m definitely not making myself sad while imagining PM just living a normal life being all happy-go-lucky delivering mail— FUCK.
HE’S REALLY PASSIONATE, THAT’S FOR SURE.
I-Is he crying…?? And has he been collecting mail boxes as he wandered in the desert…?
If you look up on the dictionary you find those exact synonymous.
!!!!!!!!!!! He could give commands to someone too!
Ah, yes, Jade. Happily strolling around with her rifle.
Probably all those atomic gadgets she keeps around.
………..EXCUSE ME???? He could have met her in The Medium??
She hasn’t met you YET, you silly head, you.
Jade, why are you shaking your head, you CAN’T SEE THEM.
And the whole thing is exploding, just saying. You should switch it off.
We gold, we gold, we shine We gold, we gold, we shine
We going solar Push up your lighters Faster and faster The sun rising higher—
Huston, we have a problem.
How big of a problem?
Sir, to paraphrase Dave Strider:
On the next panel: You fail not to acknowledge the absurd tea set.
Yeah, because the table and the chair should totally be here. LET’S HAVE A FREAKING PICNIC.
C-cats and… Wizards…. ROSE, DOES YOUR MOTHER HAVE A BEDROOM IN THAT MANSION OF YOURS??
There is about one minute left. Rose is going TO DIE.
WHAT THE FRICK IS THAT
ONE MINUTE. ONE MINUTE LEFT.
Aaaaaaawwwwww. Take the kitty and GET OUTTA THERE.
….I won’t try to guess what’s next again.
Ooohh, DAD’s room. Well, John… I thought we had established that for the sake of hilarious comic ensues, there probably won’t be anything clown related at all in there.
…Or a big ass monster… But that was more of a crack theory, to be honest.
Give me an E! Give me an N! Give me a D!
What does that spell? D-E-S-C—……
Sometimes I hate this webcomic.
THERE HE GOES. Rest in pieces, John.
NO MORE OF JADE’S HOUSE. NO MORE.
That fireplace is very much suspiciously of the Light Kingdom’s and Dark Kingdom’s colors…. And Jade would be gold because she is one of the good guys. Plus this whole thing with the photo on the fireplace reminds me of the one in John’s house with nanna aND THE ONLY MISSING THING IS JADE’S ASHES WHAT THE FREAKING HELL. THERE ARE EVEN CANDLES ON IT, GRANDPA WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM.
And I ABSOLUTELY DON’T want to think about it being foreshadowing of ANYTHING EVER.
And think of the freaking conversation that must have followed this like
“Grandpa, why did you just make me wear a golden t-shirt and took a photo?”
“Golden is the color of the team you’re rooting for, honey.”
“Grandpa, why are you hanging it up over the fireplace, it’s kind of creepy…”
“You’ll understand when you’re older, honey.”
WHAT THE FUCK.
Considerations on this:
I fucking quit. I quit so hard and so strongly, everyone who has ever quit something before gets ashamed of themselves. I quit so incredibly well I get the Olympic gold medal in the quitting specialty and congratulations from the president.
I. SIMPLY. QUIT.
You ask me to speculate. There is nothing to speculate about here. This is impossible. That head shouldn’t be hang on the wall.
An handful of pages ago it has been established that there could have never been a Sburb session before the one the kids are having right now. Grandpa has never been in The Medium before, yet there are creatures that only exist inside Sburb hanging on the wall like trophies. Like animals he hunted down for sport.
Furthermore, there are four of them. Four like the kids. One is identical to the ones John has just finished fighting. Each one has striking similarities to one another. Like the kids.
Grandpa has never been in The Medium but he will get there soon. When a player gets in The Medium, they bring with them their house and its surrounding and consequently their guardian.
So unless Grandpa got into The Medium, started to hunt down the bigger imps, came back in freaking time, stuffed them and hung them up on the wall, I don’t know what’s going on.
Jade, last time it didn’t end well.
Jade wins the MOST REFERENCES TO OTHER CHARACTERS IN FIVE PAGES award easily.
LET’S DO THAT. LET’S NOT HAVE A STRIFE WITH HIM AT ALL. HE SOUNDS SLIGHTLY NUTS ANYWAY.
I fear for her sanity sometimes. And lately… most of the times.
I cannot take Jade’s strife now. I need a change of POV.
OH MY GOD HERE HE IS. HE EVEN LIGHTED UP THE FIREPLACE FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT. HE IS COMPLETELY NUTS.
I thought the SBAHJ references were going to be MEANINGFUL.
This is the second time you pull out that ambiguous word JUST WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. YOU GONNA SHOOT EACH OTHER?!?!!
Not going to end well……….
SHIT, JADE. YOU WERE IN MIDAIR YOU CANNOT FALL ASLEEP LIKE THAT. IT’S RIDICULOUS. KEEP THAT NARCOLEPSY DOWN.
Well, an encounter, not a strife. You cannot fight while sleeping.
….The actual strife? Not first round…? Or abscond?? A true strife? And you mean Dave is still alive? And can fight?
Loading, I JUST HOPE WE GET ACTUAL COMMANDS TO GIVE.
NO FUCK NO
NOOOOOOO NO NO NOT JADE’S STRIFE I’M NOT READY FOR THIS ONE THIS IS A TRAVESTY I’M SUING HUSSIE
Jade, wake uuuuuh…?
…………………………………..eeehhhhjhhh noooo noooooo……..?
……..he is………… who did………..did she………….. stuft him…. stuff her grandpa… stuff…….
JADE?!?!?? JAAAAAAAAADE JADE?!?!!??
encounters re usually instense she said encounters with hm are usually intense
he is dead he is dead and jade is all alone jaaaaaade
Are you okya im not okay i wont be okay
SHE IS JUST MESSING AROUND NEAR HIS CORPSE
…………………………………………………I need fresh air and to calm dowm.
OH MY FUCKING GOD
AAAAAAAHHH THE HEART WITH THE EXPLAMATION POINTS JADE NOOOOOO
You might want to rethink the motives and general consent of either side when it comes to "Dave/Bro [STRIFE!!!]". Look at how easily Dave gets destroyed, and also think about how he never wanted this.
Answering this one separately, because I want my opinion on this to be clear for everyone since it’s kind of a delicate subject. I’m not condoning BRO’s actions out of the blue because I saw their strife and got “haha! funny! and they’re interacting! everything is fine now!” NO. I think you partially misinterpreted my point of view… and I admittedly didn’t make it very clear either.
If you ask me: “do you think that BRO’s actions might be considered child abuse?” my answer would be immediate and simple: “HELL YES.” BRO’s actions IN MY OPINION should be classified as psychological child abuse (SEVERE psychological child abuse, perpetuated throughout years) and neglect of the child physical needs. But if you ask me: “Do you think BRO is also physically abusing him?” my answer would be: “For what I’ve seen so far, no.” There was a reason I was pleasurably surprised by their strife (NOT BECAUSE I ENJOY SEEING DAVE FALLING DOWN STAIRS, THAT’S FOR SURE.) Dave had always been pretty uncomplaining and passive while putting up with BRO’s antics but IN THE STRIFE you can see a different Dave. A Dave actively answering to his brother provocations with his own, and a Dave who is able to hold his ground and does not stand there just waiting for his BRO to “destroy” him.
And about the “he never wanted this” OBVIOUSLY EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO THEIR OWN OPINION and in other occasions he has been portrayed has a victim, but I don’t think he was in this one. He saw the note his brother left him, took Cal and headed for the roof. You also gotta frame it in context. And I know I said I was judging this from a realistic point of view but I only can do it until it reaches the point in which BRO throws him down freaking stairs as a gag. Because it was played for laughs. And instances in which abuse was brought up never were until now. And this is obviously a BIG BIG VERY BIG EXAGGERATION. Unless Dave gets up with a couple of broken bones and a mild concussion in the next pages I cannot interpret this as realistic. There is also the fact that this happens during a strife, not out of it. They are MEANT to fight each other. All the children have a STRIFE flash with their guardians and in this particular case, the guardian wouldn’t have stood there and watched as the kid threw himself at them with a sword. Also BRO is Dave’s… well, brother, not his father. And a parent/child relationship is very different from a siblings one.
The great number of offensive moves. And I need all these commands to show up again because I DEFINITELY want to see what ABUSE and ACCUSE are all about.
Now, talking about the last strife, Dave wanted to abscond, BRO didn’t let him, but it was less of a “you can’t abscond because I have yet to beat your ass” situation and more of a “you can’t abscond because that’s not what a real man would do” situation. And I think (AGAIN, THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION) that BRO is absolutely unaware of what he is doing to Dave. I think that in some incredibly messed up way he’s truly convinced he’s helping the kid to grow up. He is convinced that he is doing a good job.
So, in conclusion: Yes, BRO is abusive. No, the fact he doesn’t realize it doesn’t justify him. No, I do not consider what happened in the strife to be possibly hold accountable in an argument to sustain the fact he is abusing Dave physically. If you do, (AND NOBODY IS SAYING YOU CAN’T) when you analyze other relationships, you gotta take into account that during the Rose/MOM strife she threw herself at her mother while wielding her knitting needles and initially AIMED FOR HER EYES.
That’s all. THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION, you obviously have your own, and I’m not saying yours is wrong or anything.
And landofwindandthrowingshade, I’m addressing everyone here, not you in particular, since you were of the opinion that Bro IS abusive, like I am.
But if John is not into clowns, and DAD is not into clowns... WHO IS FURNISHING THE HOUSE?!
And for the the 345th time, I forget to save the game and take half an hour to get back to the right point.
FROM WHO?!? …It begins to dawn on me that maybe… is she aware that her grandpa is dead?? Or is she in some sort of shock that makes her fail to realize it? Because she didn’t tell a soul that she was living alone on the island. She was nonchalantly chatting about Grandpa with Dave before.
….I don’t know how many times I began writing chunks of text when the explanation was on the next panel. I lost count of it.
Yeah, well, no way he was gonna die. And he has a pretty thick skin anyway… no, not figuratively, HE HAS GOT A CARAPACE. And we cannot give commands to anyone anymore, thanks PM.
WHOAAAAA, I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST UNCOVERED THE BIGGEST MYSTERY IN HOMESTUCK!!!! The arm’s owner is… just David Brimner! The poor man was just trying to get his mail back with his ghostly powers! Oh, David, you silly prankster, you gave me such a hard time! Haha, I actually thought this was an important plot point, how silly of me! :)
Well, PM. Would you look at that. It’s like your personal cute doggy who brings you the mail on saturday’s morning! Just don’t slay him this time.
DON’T TRUST HIM, LIL’ WORMY!! He has only got eyes for the letter! He doesn’t care about you! He will kill you as soon as he gets his weak pathetic digits on that envelope! Just between you and me, lil’ wormy, I think he isn’t that alright in the head, all that talk about mail and politics, I think he wants to build an empire populated by mailbots, watch out.
Oh, the betrayal! Jasper is turning in his grav— well, you kind of defiled it a little while ago… But wherever he is, be sure he is turning!! Oh, he is turning like you wouldn’t believe! Turning and spinning and turning, it would put your youth roll to shame!
Look, all that pink and cats and wizards messed up with her head and now she talks like a normal thirteen y/o kid. I can’t believe she put something not purple on.
And that countdown expired half an hour ago, just sayin’.
Not a transportalizer. Could or could not be an appearifier where you don’t have to insert coordinates?
I think there was a time in which a countdown was near expiring. I vaguely remember Rose being concerned about it. But it was so long ago, the memory is fuzzy and distan— GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE!
WHAT. He had a little suit on even when he was alive. The crosshair is stuck on him.
CUTENESS OVERLOAD!!! ROSE AT FOUR YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!
…In the middle of a therapy session with Jasper….
Yes, Rose. I’m sure you knew such big words at four, or even how to write at all. She’s really just making a drawing of Jaspers with tiny and badly drawn hearts all around it.
THE DAY HE DIED?!?!?! I don’t want to watch!
……………….ROSE, FOR THE SEVENTH TIME, CATS DON’T TALK!!!!!!
Eww. At least I don’t have to worry about Rose attempting to eat it because of its color.
It’s really just a bunch of random letter— OH MY FUCKING GOD. THOSE ARE THE BASE PAIRING OF DNA! …What is that thing… attempting to do… because the order displayed is mostly wrong. GG is an incorrect pairing, for example.
I’M JUST SO FUCKING GLAD SHE DIDN’T TRY TO APPEARIFY HERSELF. JUST SO FUCKING GLAD.
I’m almost sure it was Rose’s mom. Who else would be interested in bringing Jaspers back.
It’s incredible how obsessed the both of them are with that cat. And with wizards, because HONESTLY, Rose can deny it all she wants but someone who is as fascinated by dark lore as her and draws fanart of an Harry Potter parody CANNOT not be a wizards lover. They could be chatting amiably about them over tea and have the nicest mother-daughter relationship and instead they don’t even talk.
It’s not even that Rose’s Mom is not capable, it’s just that she wasn’t supposed to appearify Jaspers at all. If I got everything right it created a paradox and therefore a mutated clone. If one where to appearify someone they were meant to, even the dumbest would succeed. And by dumbest I mean John Egbert. Lalondes, step aside, we’ve got an honest to god ectobiologist here!
Can’t wait for the day we get all unethical and start cloning living beings!!
Rose and Dave: being one and the same since 1972.
Jaspers: the human whisperer.
WHO THE FUCK KILLED JASPER??!! Because that’s basically what happened. They brought him away and sent him back dead. He knew to many secrets, one day he revealed one to his cute little owner, but he never would have suspected… someone, from afar… WAS WATCHING. One week later Rose found him and a note: This is how you will end up if you say anything. Too bad Rose was four and didn’t know how to read. Or that cats don't’t know how to talk. A shame, really.
I cleared up the dynamic. Now… for the culprit…
People who had the possibility to use an apparifier: WV, PM??, Jade??, MOM.
WV and PM are to exclude because this happened nine years ago. Jade… I’m not even sure they knew each other when they were so little. That leaves…
………..I can’t believe MOM killed Jaspers. You know, it is not that much nonsensical now that I think about it. She apparified the cat from the very own laboratory Rose is into right now. She accidentally (I sure hope it was accidental!) killed the poor thing. She threw him into the river. Rose found him and brought him back home—OH MY GOD, THIS ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE, IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE. If MOM killed Jaspers, she obviously felt incredibly guilty about it, trying to hide her crime, she threw him into the river in a panic, BUT ROSE FOUND HIM. SHE FUCKING BROUGHT HIM BACK HOME. Now imagine: your four years old little girl gets back home, teary eyed, with her death cat in her arms, the one YOU YOURSELF KILLED. You’re effing loaded. And kind of crazy. You love your daughter. You love the cat. You’re also wasted at the moment. What do you do?? FUCKING BUILD A MAUSOLEUM FOR THE POOR THING. HAVE A SUIT TAILORED FOR HIM.
THE ONLY APPEARIFIER THAT CLOSE IS IN THE LABORATORY. AND IF JASPER HAD BEEN IN THE VERY SAME PLACE THE APPEARIFIER WAS, I DON’T THINK THE LOCATION COULD HAVE BEEN SHOWN.
……….MOM killed Jaspers. Oh, dear.
The infamous funeral. MOM is just drinking a mix of rain and her own tears. You know she cared. But seriously, I know it’s supposed to be overdramatic and everything but… get a freaking umbrella.
I’M LAUGHING SO HARD. ROSE, NO. LOOK AT THOSE EYES. HE LOOKS PRETTY DEAD TO ME.
A TRANSPORTALIZER. Learn the lingo, Rose. …BUT WHERE IS JASPERS??
How many cats is she even carrying??
Sometime in the near future, Dave has to put on his stern voice.
“Rose, it’s time for an intervention. You adopted 14 cats. AND ONE OF THEM WAS ALREADY DEAD. You need to stop.”
Rose stares at Dave in frigid horror. The only sounds that can be heard are the meowing of the three kitties she holds in her arms. …And the purring of the one on her head. Also the growling of the one huddled near her feet. Jaspersprite is happily floating around.
“Alright, first of all, I’m perfectly capable of defining and demarcating a line without crossing it, and should I deem necessary a change in my behaviour, I won’t need your input. Second of all, JASPERS TOTALLY DOESN'T FUCKING COUNT, HE IS MY SPRITE, YOU PRICK. You’re just jealous because your sprite is your brother’s creepy ass pupp—”
“YOU DID NOT JUST BRING CAL INTO THIS. YOU FUCKING DIDN'T— *goes on a two hours rant*”
In the background, John and Jade are facepalming.
Headcanon that after Dave prototypes Cal, he realizes what an horrible mistake it was, and whenever somebody brings it up he flips his shit.
I found a appropriate gif for the moment, look:
Time to meet Jade’s dragon!
I told you. A weird pet for a weird owner.
H-HE IS EMANATING… A WEIRD AURA…
Jade, that is not your dog being invisible to your powers, it is just you having slow reflex! You gotta train!
Ah, yes. Time to update my list with all the ambiguous things Jade says.
Mystic Ruins…? THE ONE TRUE SOURCE OF HER POWERS. FINALLY, AN ANSWER. Okay, no but I’m getting a little impatient here, I WANT TO KNOW.
There has been so much oil showing up everywhere that I mistook those cravats for splotches of it. Amazing.
HAHAHAHAHA, I WAS RIGHT! No clowns in sight!
John is taking it… surprisingly well.
No, wait. He’s just in denial. Stand by for the proper breakdown, guys.
It’s clicking. Wait for it….
The flash hasn’t loaded yet but I can see the consequences.
There is a freaking crater in the middle of the room.
JOHN, WHAT DO YOU WANT. AT LEAST THERE AREN’T CLOWNS
GODDAMMIT I’M TRYING TO STAY COMPOSED HERE I’M ON A BUS
THE YOU GUESS CRACKED ME UP I’M A FAILURE
IT WAS SUPER OBVIOUS FOR EVERYONE WITH A BRAIN
Watching this flash in public was an horrible mistake. People are looking at me funny. Probably because trying to suppress my laughter makes me look ridiculous. And I failed miserably.
So all those years, while you believed he was out busking up the corners with hilarious antics, he was working as an ordinary business man all along. He was just a man trying to make a good honest living for his son. Maybe he was too embarrassed to tell you the truth?
Why would he be ashamed?
Or maybe it was just that you’d never bothered to ask?
You guess you always just assumed…
HE FIGURED IT OUT.
I’m so proud of you, son John. I’m acting in Dad’s stead in this arduous moment.
……When will I stop screeching every time DAD shows up. Never, I guess. He deserves it. Father of the year here.
DAD YOUR SON NEEDS YOU, COME BACK.
I’ll pay you thousands of bondollars if you let him go.
FINALLY. No. Wait. Nope. I’m not going to fall for this one. Next on we will be introducing… like…Becquerel.
My hands aren’t that ugly. And I was never given the possibility to actually insert names. I feel slightly offended.
I highly suggest, and not for the first time either, THAT YOU PUT ON YOUR HAT.
It also rings a bell. I’m not sure if I heard it already or I’m imagining it. I will have to check later.
So he is the boss of the agents who have been already mentioned??
………The Fourth Wall is missing.
Good, I don’t want you to go all vigilante on me or anything of the sort. And we just reached quote 3531577 for the number of things Grandpa has brought back from The Medium. …Even though he is dead. The Fourth Wall is smaller than the others. Or maybe that was just another window. This is confusing.
THE IMPS THE AGENTS AND EVERY BAD GUY HAS A PERSONALITY AND A THOUGHT PROCESS THIS IS AMAZING I CAN’T WAIT TO MEET EVERYONE.
Oooh, man. I- I feel him. Cmon, he’s kind of right on this one. Still… my poor eyes…
WHOA. Aww, I’m not sure DAD will be able to escape this time.
He probably gives you salary, you gotta do a good job and put on your workwear. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.
…How pretty. Lovely, I say.
….That’s not how WV described him. Are you sure we are talking about the same person here??
DID HE ESCAPE???
NOBODY WILL STOP DAD UNTIL HE’S ABLE TO HUG HIS SON AND TELL HIM HOW PROUD HE IS OF HIM. HE IS A MAN ON A MISSION.
Also, this one has an heart stitched on his clothes, while Jack Noir had a Spade. ……Wait. Nope. One moment please.
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. HOW DID I NOT RECOGNIZE HIM?!?!?! OR EVEN REMEMBER HIS NAME!
Why is the Midnight Crew here?!?!? Why are they concealing their identities?? Or maybe they have just got twins who make their honest living out of this in The Medium THIS IS RIDICULOUS. I suspected that the characters of The Midnight Crew might have been actual characters of the webcomic but that’s a bit different from how I imagined it. Well, not a bit. Very different.
Oh, well. I guess this is a goodbye then. Brief but intense. Because… did the notice how DAD is beating up that agent? Yeah. And did you notice how he is twice as big as you? Yeah, you’re done for. But I like you. Facing your death with your head held high. Embracing it.
GOD HELP ME IF THEY’RE HARLEQUINS
Array???!!!?! Please tell me this means what I think it means.
SAY THAT AGAIN. SAY THAT TO MY FACE. I WILL FUCKING SLAY YOU, EGBERT. I’VE WATCHED YOUR TOMFOOLERY FOR WAY TO MANY PAGES.
JOHN. JOHN, NO. JOOOOOOHN!!!!!
Yeah, I guess bringing the apocalypse is a pretty cool way to spend your thirteenth birthday. I would have opted for something simpler, or just less catastrophic but your birthday, your rules.
Eyeless or not, DAD would shed tears of proudness if he saw him.
……I can feel the sylladex shenanigans behind the corner. They’re approaching fast, and they mean businesses.
Don’t worry about me, I’m just sobbing in that corner, wondering why he brought this upon himself.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH. He deserves it.
He left the Earth to escape her … BUT SHE FOLLOWED HIM IN THE MEDIUM!!!
Ooooh, COME ON.
This music is creepier than the Jasper one. How is this even possible.
At last, he realized it. Wow, John is having all this sudden revelations lately. Dad is not a street performer, hating a food brand is stupid…. So much character development, wow. Why does he hate it by the way?? Because it’s a famous brand?? Does John hate capitalism? And I just remembered that the day John was born, a meteor utterly destroyed the Crocker’s facility in town like: “There is only place for one of us in this city, bitch!!”
BECQUEREL!!!!!! Aww, what a nice, absolutely normal dog. He just materialized.
JADE WHAT THE FUCK DON’T SHOOT YOUR DOG. (If she does it with everyone, I’m not surprised by Grandpa’s horrible end.)
I’M CALLING WWF
WHAT THE FUCKITY FREAKITY FLYING FUCK.
I feel kind of bad when aiming to B— WHAT THE SHIT.
I can’t believe God forgot his dog on Earth and Jade Harley adopted it, guys.
He may be omnipotent but he’s not that smart. Jade snatched up the present.
AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. THEY’RE SO CUTE, IT’S PERF–
OOOH. ….Oh. Oh, dear. Oh, my. This is…. uhm. Moving on.
…………..Jade, your narcolepsy. Don’t you have any meds to keep it down?
But why fall asleep in your bed when you have got a d— JESUS. THIS IS FUCKING ADORABLE. I’M GETTING DIABETES. I CANNOT EVEN PROVIDE A COMMENTARY.
Another ordinary day in Jade Harley’s life. ….Bec is Jade’s guardian.
That would be Jade’s dream, like… getting cat ears and a tail. She would be so jealous of Rose.
…Wasn’t her t-shirt purple before?!!?
A good question!!!!!
I can’t believe Rose’s MOM never slept in the house and she never noticed. She just spent her days in the laboratory!
…….Unlike a certain Matthew Mcconaughey’s lover.
Huh?!?! Don’t you just ‘huh’ at that! I just realized that if a meteor really hit the lab she would have lost any internet access, and therefore any possibility she had of entering The Medium. She’s got it so good and doesn’t even realize it.
………………ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?!?!!?!?
APPARENTLY, INVOLUNTARILY KILLING EVERYONE SHE LOVES IS MOM LALONDE’S DESTINY.
My monitor’s screen is in the way between my fist and John’s face. Now that the Fourth Wall is not even there, it sure would have been nice to teach him a lesson.
Jade is so popular she knows people from the future.
I thought we would have seen her dreams so that I could have confirmed or disproved my theory that she gets visions while she dreams but NOOOO. Also…umh. I think her bed is reacting to her sleeping in it??
And transmitting some sort of signal to this thing, that is probably going to explode in a few moments.
WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT IS THAT THING. IT’S CREEPIER THAN LIL’ CAL.
WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THAT THING. WHO BUILT IT??
She’s dreaming… of being dressed in golden pajamas. The same she had in the photo on the fireplace…. Or maybe this IS a prediction. Of when she is in The Medium? That’s way too bright to be in The Medium though.
Mystery arm, I will figure you out later. Now I have other things to worry about, don’t be jealous. And why is she dreaming of her room but without any poster on her walls? She replaced it with a cute pink pattern.
Why would you try to sleep when you’re already sleeping. It’s dumber than when you told John to wake up when he was already awake! Listen, I get it. There is something incredibly weird going on with Jade and the way she sleeps/dreams. THE PROBLEM IS THAT I DON’T GET THE WHAT, THE WHY, OR THE HOW IT IS WEIRD.
Is this REALLY a dream?? If the arms have an owner who has been creating some sort of portal in various places (Witch of Space, anyone?? Sounds like something they could do.) they will only show up in places that DO exist. Not in screenshots, not in other webcomics inserted (The characters of The Midnight Crew turned out to be characters of Homestuck), NOT IN DREAMS. But the point is that Jade IS dreaming. So basically I don’t know what I’m getting at, here. I NEED MORE INFORMATION.
Also, this conversation/monologue offered by one Dave Strider:
I suddenly understand everything. And by that I mean even less, but at least I know what he meant. If she switched on her laptop and began texting someone, she would be doing this while sleeping. Or… her dreambot thingy would. But being narcoleptic she falls asleep suddenly and if she texted someone while sleeping she wouldn’t know if she was asleep in that moment or not.
Okay, it IS only a dream, then. Unless Jade can also fly and hasn’t told us. Which would be ridiculous because everyone knows if she could in reality she would never lay her feets on solid ground ever again. B-But the arms… it made sense….
WHAT. My list of ambiguous things Jade says is getting hard to navigate. There is too much crap in it.
At least one mystery is solved. John WAS called GT on pesterchum before. GT that stands for… Gamesome…. Troublemaker…. TOO LONG. Umh… GhostbusTer…. no…. Okay, I will just wait and see if/when it is revealed.
Well, it will be useful to John and blah blah blah… I’m not giving her nor Andrew Hussie the satisfaction of getting angry at this.
Excuse me but…… what are those drawings?? Are those harlequins?? They are harlequins. …..John? Did you….? You hate harlequins?? Don’t pull this Rose Lalonde’s crap on me, John. DON’T YOU DARE. YOU HATE HARLEQUINS.
….He really does! He has demonstrated it plenty of times! Not like Rose’s denial! I mean… real hate! Why am I trying to convince myself??
But why, assuming it was John (who else could have been??? DAD??? c'mon. and John doesn’t even have IRL friends) did he draw those in the first place??
On the other hand if DAD saw those……….. OH. In his supportive campaign of making John feel appreciated and loved… he would— This is idiotic. He would embrace the harlequin love without a second thought.They have been subjected to months, possibly years, of clown décor abuse because???? John one day snapped and vandalized his favorite posters???? What.
He also cleaned them up, that should have been a strong sign that it was a one time sort of deal. DAD should slow the fuck down.
JOHN, IF INSTEAD IT TURNS OUT YOU ACTUALLY LIKE HARLEQUINS, I DON’T KNOW WHAT I MIGHT DO.
GHOSTYTRICKSTER. Never stop being a nerd, John.
So on time she only got it today.
Doesn’t everyone send presents to everyone else?? I thought that’s how it worked. …Well, everyone but you does it, Jade. You didn’t send a present to Rose and I’m still pissed about it.
John is really thoughtful of all his friends. It’s really good because it counterbalances the fact that he can get kind of self-centered at times. And it also seems he knows them pretty well. Like… with Rose, her present was not only thoughtful but exactly what she needed. John knew of her problems, even without realizing how serious they were, and acted consequently to efficaciously help her to solve them. What I’m trying to say is that John is not dumb, just pretty dense. He is a smart kiddo with a long way to go. I look forward to his loooooong character development. He should basically become more responsible and rush less into things, STILL I hope he does without losing his carefree attitude, which is one of the most charming parts of his personality, if you ask me.
HE KNOWS!?!? Jade’s secret circle of friends is not secret???
NOOOO, I SAID TWENTY. I’M NOT READING FIFTY INTRODUCTIONS, I’M SEARCHING FOR ANOTHER, EASIER TO UNDERSTAND, WEBCOMIC. BYYYEEEE.
INTERESTING. I think it’s pretty safe to assume that Jade only has premonitions about things and people that belong to her session of the game. The trolls, since they most probably are not players of her session, are out of her range. And I think Jade can only foresee events that happen INSIDE The Medium, not out of it. It would explain why the meteors momentarily freaked her out, and why she didn’t know the name of the game. And also confirm Jaspersprite as a thing that is going to happen. She doesn’t know of the prototyping process, she just SAW Jaspersprite. ALSO, it would explain why she never mentioned the possibility of prototyping her grandpa. She doesn’t know that is a thing she can do.
TWELVE I CAN WORK WITH.
……..Us?!?!? Jade’s secret circle of friends is not secret, nor Jade’s?
…Why does Jade put up with this??? And stop being so mature about it, it’s throwing me off.
And JADE, the kid you’re talking to is a proud exponent of the pranksters’ ranks, you’re personally offending him. And the last time someone said something was just a game, it was John and he was talking about SBURB. Just to put things into perspective.
YEARS????? WHAT????? YEARS?????? HARASSING HER??????? WHY??????? THAT’S FUCKING DEDICATION, WHAT THE HECK.
Can I meet the funny ones?? Or just a short conversation… I’m not asking for much…
And thinking about CG, if I had been trying to change her mind for YEARS, to help her not fuck up, but she wouldn’t listen to a word, I guess I would go in a CAPS LOCK frenzy too. I need to see their first conversation. And I have a mighty need for a conversation between Rose and CG, just because.
Jade and CG’s first conversation at like… eight years old.
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] at 13:04
CG: hello!!! GG: hi!!! do i know you? CG: it’s not important! this might sound weird, but i need to tell you something about the future! :o GG: it’s not weird at all! i understand! what is it? :) CG: really?? oh, well. you’re going to do something in the future, when you’re older. that something is a big mistake!! don’t do it!! GG: don’t tell me what to do! i do what i want!!! CG: what? no, i’m only trying to help!! GG: my grandpa says i shouldn’t care about people who tell me what to do! CG: well, my grandpa says you’re lame!! GG: my grandpa says that bossy people are assholes!!! CG: MY GRANDPA SAYS YOUR GRANDPA SHOULD JUST GO AND DIE! GG: :o!!!!!!!!
gardenGnostic [GG] blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 13:06
And so it began…. A beautiful friendship. CG has a short temper.To anyone wondering: did she really make CG say the thing? Yes, I really made CG say the thing. To anyone wondering: are those dumb pesterlogs the reason she takes so much time to liveblog five pages? Yes, those dumb pesterlogs the reason I take so much time to liveblog five pages. I write them only when inspiration strikes, and for my own amusement. I hope you enjoy them even a little bit.
There he goes. EctoBiologist. He doesn’t even know what it means. I’m betting on a certain anthropomorphical plushie’s lover psychic giving him the idea. In another conversation, obviously. Jade really should stop giving away spoilers to her friends, it’s gonna mess up something someday.
WHAT THE FUCK. THIS IS IN THE PRESENT, RIGHT??
You sure it was the imps, honey??
THEY ARE THE SAME OF MONTHS AGO.
It wasn’t the imps!!!! John, you did it again!!! ….I think. This is ridiculous. Was it the shock of seeing his dad’s room?? Maybe I shouldn’t have shrugged it off as comedy relief… Maybe it hit him harder than I thought! Oh, man. John was the only kid who gave me a break from worrying about the mental health of the characters.
SHE BROUGHT THE HUB WITH HER I HADN’T NOTICED
This is better than anything I thought she could have come up with.
IF ANYONE ASKS WHY JOHN IS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER, HERE IS THE REASON. I’VE BEEN LAUGHING FOR FIVE MINUTES.
I dream of a day in which Rose gets so angry and/or scared that she loses both sassiness and purple prose, also screaming in all caps. But that’s something I’m probably never gonna get. The thought makes me sad.
Rose being sassy even in this situation threw John off. I’m laughing.
Yeah, breakdown hit him hard.
Rose, TREAD LIGHTLY. This will be hard to accept for him.
TREAD LIGHTLY, I SAID…. Wait, what. Since before…… I have seen screenshots from her computer! There wasn’t anything on the walls! Rose, this is not a joke and not funny at all!!! It’s messing up with his brain!
NOT FUNNY, ROSE. HE’S GOING TO SNAP!
JOHN, NO! BREATH, JOHN, BREATH. CALM DOWN, YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH WORSE THAN THIS! YOU CAN DO IT!
Rose, you’re the worst self-declared therapist ever!!!!
And while Rose deals with John’s strange way to cope with a mental breakdown… Well, not really “while”, years in the future. But not many.
WV just landed.
I had no idea that thing was so freaking big.
NO. FIGURE OUT SOMETHING ELSE. THE SASH IS IMPORTANT FOR HIM. You wanna take away mail from PM next?! You monster!
I KNOW, RIGHT??? I DON’T KNOW WHO WAS THE FOOL WHO SUGGESTED IT!
But the problem remains, WV! What are we going to do?!
Mmmmh. It could work out. You could have gone for an easier solution, though.
Hey! I’m never defending him ever again! How should I have known you couldn’t appearify such a big thing!
She’s not a dog, WV. Neither could she carry something that heavy, or anything, really.
WHO IS THE DUMB ONE NOW, HUH?!?! SAY IT!
Do you seriously think I’m going to fall for this one? That I’m going to suggest what you’re trying to make me suggest?? I may not be a genius but neither am I that dumb!
THE TIME, WV. You forgot to adjust the time. You aren’t in 2009.
…………………..if this wasn’t a coincidence, guys… If this was somehow planned, guys…….. I’m going to get so angry.
THERE IS. A NOTE. ON IT. WRITTEN. IN GREEN. FOR SOMEONE. IN GREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT WAS PLANNED!!!!!!!!!! JAAAAAAAAAAAAADE!!!!!!!!! HOW???????
JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADE!!! Sorry, I felt like that was not enough.
ONLY BECAUSE IT’S GREEN!! UUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHH.
There are two letters??
What could Jade even want with WV??? But more importantly, HOW.
READ THE LETTER.
More years in the future?
NOOOOO, WV! WATCH OUT!!! SERENITY, DO SOMETHING!!!
Just…. Shoot the package!! Miss! Who is the shooter anyway?!
That’s… not a gun. Thank godness.
And PM is also here! I guess they will all meet up, maybe exchange information?? Or just being in company, really.
Hello, AR! You don’t seem friendly.
HE ISN’T! IT WAS A GUN! FUCK. PM, GO AWAY!! DON’T LAND HERE! THIS IS SO BAD!
What the hell is he wearing anyway??
The changes of POV, goddammit.
Be sure you make stairs navigable this time.
John has stopped laughing like a maniac, nice.
The denial is strong in this one.
THIS IS A TRAVESTY, DON’T BOTHER SHOWING ME THOSE, I’M NOT EVEN LOOKING AT THEM.
I’m seeing things through John’s eyes?? It sure would have been nice if you let me know about it earlier! Will I always see only what the client player sees? Because I want to know if I have to look for scribbles of wizards and cats on Rose’s wall when Dave finally comes through and connects to her!
The same way you found time to write your FAQ while you almost caught fire.
There is a thing called subconscious, John. It doesn’t mean you have forgotten, it means you never even knew. And the shock of seeing your father’s room made them suddenly visible to your eyes. But Rose is probably going to get all psychological and tell you this directly.
Rose is not the only one who has trust issues, apparently. John, don’t be a butt, she’s only trying to help. She gets all weirdly concerned when her friends are particularly upset. She didn’t even tease Dave when he accidentally told her about his ridiculous nightmares. Well, she did, just a little. But asking Rose to resist the urge to tease completely, ESPECIALLY WITH DAVE, would be exceptionally cruel. She would spontaneously combust while trying to resist. We don’t want that. There is already too much fire around her.
EAGERLY WAITING FOR THE JOHN-DAD REUNION. They have have a lot of talking to do, many things to sort out, many “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU, SON” to say. Well, I’m not sure DAD can actually talk, but to be honest, I don’t care. As long as I’m sure they are fine and talked it out.
I don’t get what she’s implying.
These two make it REALLY HARD to hold up to my promise of not shipping thirteen years old kids.
When John was little, DAD brought him to a show of the Cirque du Soleil, but one of the harlequins went crazy and aggrieved John. Obviously DAD beat the clown up pretty hard. John never got over it. And this is also the story of how DAD got banned from their shows forever. Oh, a father would do anything for his son. Even be willing to forget the thing he loves the most.
ONLY BECAUSE HE THOUGHT YOU WERE INTO THEM. It’s a vicious circle…… Wait. Jokes aside, where do the clowns even COME FROM?? What is the source?? John and Rose are neglecting the most important question. DAD is not into clowns, he only pretended to because he thought his son was. John’s scribbles were done BEFORE even a measly little harlequin was brought into the house. So??? Why clowns? What is the thing he removed?? Something that messed him up pretty badly and that his dad knows nothing about.
Is she openly admitting her love for wizards?? Also, MOM is obviously genuine, I don’t think she knows what psychological warfare even means. But Rose just doesn’t understand.
And of course John tries to change the subject as soon as someone attempts to really make him think something through. OF COURSE. Whenever things start to get real he has to find a diversion, I don’t think he is even aware of it. The same way he refuses to aknowledge the fact that SBURB is not just a game. Unless reality slaps him hard in the face, I doubt he will grow out of this attitude anytime soon.
I don’t think I have ever liveblogged for two consecutive days, but I’m making up for the next few days, I will be pretty busy! And I’m neglecting asks solely because I’m dumb and ignore responsibilities constantly. Enjoy!
HOW MANY GIANT IMPS ARE THERE?? I don’t think John can fight those all at once, assisted by Nanna’s cake powers or not. He has to get to the gate!!
She HAS to sustain the structure, John. Be glad, because if it were me, I would have just made you attempt a triple somersault to the gate with the combined powers of kinetic energy and your pogo ride.
I completely share the sentiment but one moment ago he didn’t even bat an eyelid about the whole situation. ALSO, he may be too weak for his brother but if he fought against you, you wouldn’t last five minutes, honey. Watch your tongue!
Is that how she was going not to play it “in person”??? I need a bit of silly Jade being silly, anyway. I’ve been too busy worrying about John to really enjoy myself lately! That, and trying not to ship John/Rose.
It’s so hard not not to dance to Jade’s beats! She is so good even BEC is bouncing his head up and down!
GOOD MUSIC OVERLOAD! JADE, YOU NEED TO STOP! THE PUMPKINS ARE GOING TO EXPLODE!
THAT IS NOT HER TOWER
WHAT IS SHE DOING THERE
WHAT. DOES SHE JUST GO ON THE LIGHT KINGDOM WHEN SHE SLEEPS????
PROSPIT. JADE, I’M SO DONE WITH YOUR CRAP!!!
SHE IS IN ONE OF THE SPIRES OF THE LIGHT KINGDOM I’M SOOOO DOOOOONEEE. Why is she in the game already??? While she sleeps???? What. In the Light Kingdom, or PROSPIT now. Well, on its moon, chained to the kingdom! JADE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE MOON!!! THERE IS A LIMIT TO THE WEIRDNESS!
The map of the Incipishere just doesn’t make it any justice. And also doesn’t make you realize just how close Skaia and Prospit are! And Prospit also sort of spins on its axis. The moon would practically orbit into Skaia at the right moment!
And she most probably has another physically existing self??? What the heck???? AREN’T THERE FOUR SPIRES IN THE MEDIUM??? ARE THE OTHERS HERE TOO??? THIS IS A GAME MECHANIC, NOT JUST JADE BEING JADE, ISN’T IT?? BUT I’VE SEEN JOHN SLEEP AND HE SURE DIDN’T WAKE UP ON…. HE DIDN’T WAKE UP…. OH MY GOD.
WHAT IF JOHN IS ON PROSPIT BUT HE IS SLEEPING. JADE ATTEMPTED TO SLEEP ON PROSPIT BEFORE.
And Jade is just waiting and waiting!!! Because John is with her in the light kingdom!! But the dork is sleeping!!! Jade surely wants to show him around Prospit and happily fly around together and meeting the habitant, things like that!!
There are four spires, two on Prospit and two in the dark kingdom, whose name is still unknown. Two kids on Prospit and two in the dark kingdom. Jade and John, Rose and Dave.
So their consciousness goes into the version of themselves who lives in the spires when they sleep! And how does it work?? They can’t be awake in the kingdoms and in reality at the same time, right? So when they fall asleep they should wake up in the kingdoms and while they’re awake, they are asleep in the kingdoms.
But John keeps sleeping on Prospit when he falls asleep in reality! It could be something wrong with his subconscious, like Rose said?? Well, to be fair, the others seem to be also asleep. Maybe Jade is just precocious??
She could even not be a psychic at all! She just got her powers earlier than the others! Man, I’ve never felt dumber.
I STILL DON’T GET THE PURPOSE OF THE DREAMBOT. I guess it is to make her plants grow. Without it she would only be playing the bass on Prospit. And I’m not sure she would be able to send messages without it. Okay, I think I kind of get the purpose of the dreambot.
Somewhere in there, lives PM. He should be still here, the happy mailman. Can we please meet him??? Pretty please?? I mean, he claimed to know her before! And this is the only place in which they could have met!! Or on the battlefield…
Is that— OH, WHOA!! I just had to ask nicely?? Then, can we have another conversation with one of the trolls, please??
Umh… That enormous crater… Could it have been Jade’s meteor?? I fully expected her to bring that frog temple with her in The Medium. But if we don’t, then maybe we’re going to explore it like we did with the SkaiaNet lab?? It is obviously important somehow.
There were two possibilities here. Either WV would have hung on her every word, or he would have gulped everything down without chewing. It seems it is the latter, so sorry, Jade!
Jade, PM just saved your butt. You should send him pumpkins or something to express your gratitude. Actually, who says he won’t be stealing some in the future without your input.
And my theory about Jade only getting vision about things happening in the medium was just UTTERLY DESTROYED.
IT’S NOT WORKING. PM, NO! HE’S FRIENDLY! He is not interested in your mail, unless it’s green and/or regarding the benefit of Cans Town.
OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH
AR, I DON’T THINK YOU’RE ACTUALLY EVIL. BUT THERE IS NO WAY YOU WILL BE ABLE TO REDEEM IN MY EYES.
WV be like: “Gotta sneak a peak, while appearing DISINTERESTED.”
Is he trying to nonchalantly scoot closer??? God, I swear he acts like a ten years old kid with a crush!! Grow a spine! Or better: Grow a carapace!!
AHHHHH, THEY ARE SO INCREDIBLY CUT—
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT????? LADY???? PM IS A GIRL??? I always assumed…. Because…. Post Man…. Why did nobody tell me??? I’ve been misgendering her for weeks! I’m so sorry, PM! I’m never assuming the gender of anyone ever again! I should have known the girls of your species don’t have breasts… It’s not like you’re mammalians, or even reproduce at all, I think.
If John isn’t in it sleeping, and refusing to get his lazy butt off the bed, this will be the biggest fail of my life. Worst of when I accidentally invited half of my school to my best friend’s birthday party.
Stop beating around the bush already!
YEEEEEAA— Uh??? He looks troubled! John?? Who brought that thing here, it’s freaking ominous! Jade??? Is it a post prototyping effect? Honestly, Cal is half as creepy and doesn’t let Dave sleep easy, how to you expect John to do it? Jade, bring that thing away this instant!
Jade is so incredibly caring with the other kids.
You did but he lost it. Don’t worry, he was supposed to! …Or so you said. I’m turning your weird riddles on you, this may be my only chance!
OH, IF ONLY.
What… happens during an eclipse? There isn’t a sun here. Isn’t the city just… shining golden, all of its own. Is Skaia getting eclipsed?? By what??? Prospit getting eclipsed?? Gimme more details!!! And don’t just get back to your tower! You may want to stay and check on John! He could wake up in any moment!
Everything is starting to fit. I have to give my compliments to the author because everything was obviously planned through.
I thought Jade was faking her surprise here because in the next conversation she had with Dave, she immediately told him that John was MEANT to lose her present. The explanation is that Jade was ASLEEP while talking to John, and AWAKE while talking to Dave.
I take back my compliments, it is obvious that Hussie’s intentions are only of making the audience endure this pain.
Incredible. The suit looks nice though.
Make sure you can see properly first. You may want to avoid getting hurt just because you were trying to look cool. (See: Dave Strider.)
That movie was SERIOUSLY BAD, John. Like seriously, I thought your tastes were acceptable because NIC CAGE, but I draw the line at Spy Kids.
Healing properties, nice! And Nanna became a brand too right next to Betty Crocker (who gave no authorization for this, she’s suing). John, what have you DONE??
That should reveal useful when fighting the giant imps!!! Have I ever talked about how John is such a smart, resourceful and inventive kid??? Yeah?? Well, you’re gonna hear it several times more.
SO FUCKING CLEVER.
THAT LOOKS INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS.
I CAN’T BELIEVE HE MANAGED TO MAKE SHAVING CREAM DEADLY. THE IMPS ARE GOING TO HAVE AN HEART ATTACK.
NOT COSBY, LEAVE COSBY OUT OF THIS.
I- I feel like if I had kept reading Problem Sleuth like I was supposed to, I would have known what he would have obtained. I failed you, guys. I failed you. I think that’s way too much grist anyway. Could this be one of those times when you can cheat your way out of it? Like John said?
WHAT. Well, let’s fuck those wrinkles, I guess.
…..This update was near Christhmas. 23/12. Really, Hussie? Really???
And don’t think I missed mystery arm there.
I can’t believe Dave is still alive. WE’RE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!!! THIRD TIME IS A CHARM!!! YOU GO, DAVE!!!
What’s up with the crows…. Oh, no! They’re here to take their revenge! Dammit!
Final??? Aww, I was kind of really liking them lately. But he has to get to Rose, I understand.
There is a badassness overload in this flash, I swear.
Cal, stay out of this. This is Striders’ family business.
CAL. YOU’RE GONNA PAY THIS WITH YOUR LIFE!
NOT FAIR!! His sword failed him!! The crows were all collectively sending bad luck!!!
I don’t get what happened. But I guess that he now has the copies, and that’s what is important. Cal is dead (for everyone’s joy, because nobody was manoeuvring him and yet he was MOVING), Dave’s t-shirt got fashionably slashed through the disc. It’s like Bro marked him, or something. This could or could not have a deeper meaning.
I understand BRO less and less. Did he consider Dave worthy of the game? Or did he give it to him in a fit of magnanimity? Who knows. He flew off into the sun with his hoverboard anyway— WAIT!!!! WHERE IS HE GOING! WE GOTTA GET HIM INTO THE MEDIUM, COME BACK, BRO!!!!
If you really wanna go at least bring Cal with you…. We could have prototyped something else….
AND OIL. IT’S EVERYWHERE. WHY????
D-Dave…. Someone give him an hug! It will be okay!
For how much time has John been ignoring Dave and insulting him behind his back anyway. There was a time in which their relationship was my favorite.
IS HE TREMBLING? THAT STRIFE EXHAUSTED HIM. BRO, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING.
Man, this is not an eclipse, it’s just Prospit’s moon orbiting into Skaia. Can somebody explain this to me?
Yup, texting him while she sleeps.
Flashes are getting progressively cooler. AND THE MUSIC, SO GOOD.
FUCKING. GLIMPSES. OF THE FUTURE. IN THE CLOUDS. JADE IS AS MUCH OF A SEER AS FREAKING JOHN IF HE MADE THE EFFORT TO WAKE UP.
The meteor got out… The predictions can interact with the surroundings on Skaia….
Ah, yes. Becquerel is enjoying a nice warm bath— WHAT THE HELL.
Bec got out of that Spirograph looking thing. BEC WAS CREATED BY SBURB. He emerged from lava, but first he got out of the Spirograph thingy!
JADE, NO. STAY IN YOUR TOWER!!!
Thank you, Becquerel. Bring the girl back to safety, please.
THE FUCK???? JOHN! OF ALL THE MOMENTS TO WAKE UP!
He is somnambulist…?
JADE, NO!!! Don’t make that face, he is not awake yet, my heart CAN’T TAKE THIS.
Jaaaade, stay in your freaking tower! Do you want to randomly get hit by a meteor or something?! Just get John back to his tower and go back, REAL FAST.
HE WAS SO CLOSE TO WAKING UP, SO CLOSEEEEE.
This is so lame and incredibly sad, so lame and sad, JUST SO SAD. They were about to meet! For the first time!
I think Jade might have gotten a little dependent from her little glimpses of the future, or cloud mirages now. And the responsibilities should put pressure on her shoulders, but it seems she just got used to it. After all they are all she can hold onto. She is completely alone, until she wakes up on this mysterious magic kingdom. And there is this boy who is probably the first prospect of company she has had in a lot of time. But he is asleep! And he won’t wake up! And she patiently waits and waits and waits. She knows of a day in which she WILL meet her friends and they will play a game together. And she is so incredibly excited, but she can’t even tell anyone about it! The more I think about Jade’s situation, the sadder it gets.
I don’t think the whole patrimony of your grandpa would suffice to buy enough candles.
I LIKE THIS IDEA!!!!
Whatever you do, don’t mention your metaphor about killing birds to Dave, honey.
I have a bad feeling about this.
JAAAADE, THAT IS DANGEROUS!
JESUS CHRIST. R-ROSE…
Yeah, right. He is gonna throw a party.
Wait…. Has BRO just condemned Dave to fight with half broken swords?!!?!! FOREVER?? Didn’t John break his hammer too and repaired it? Can’t Dave do something about this?
You may not be made of time, but you sure are going to be Knight of it.
How to smoothly convert a stab to a future even that made me scream in a mediocre pun: Lesson One!
Dave, once again I have to tell you…. HE IS JUST MAD! Irony has nothing to do with it!
I didn’t think I would have ever lived long enough to see this moment. Never lose faith.
I SEE THE LIGHT.
I-Is Rose okay?????
Yeah, yeah, another panel, another arm.
HE HAS CONTACTED YOU. RIGHT NOW.
I thought it was unfinished…?
I CAN’T BELIEVE SHE HASN’T UNDERSTOOD HE WAS GENUINE. Really, Rose, you put your heart into doing that thing and now you want him to think you were only pretending? Man, I really don’t know who is the most messed up between all of them.
aRE YOU READY TO BE TROLLLLLED, Spoiler Alert: Dave was, but they weren’t.
common sense: hoe don’t do it me: *ignores all the asks and keeps liveblogging* common sense: OH MY GOD
ONE DAY, GUYS. One day I will reply, I promise.
A letter from John to Rose! He is wishing her happy birthday and thanking her for being a great friend, AWWWW.
i know you like to make it out like you’re playing it cool and don’t care much about the people in your life, but i know deep down you really do. hell, not even that deep down.
Rose, your “cool facade game” is too weak! It doesn’t even fool John Egbert, let alone the others. Well, maybe it works with Dave. He’s too busy with dealing with his brother’s unspeakable levels of irony and freaking out about strongly suggestive puppets to really figure other people out!
it’s like, um, like your subconscious is having a wet t-shirt contest, and you being all aloof is this totally soggy shirt doing no good at all at hiding nothin’.
John, that was… the worse metaphor one could ever choose while referring to a lady friend. Although John is far too deep into Mcconaughey and Ghost Busters to really care about girls. Ladies?? Romance?! What is the meaning of those mysterious words you speak??? Truly perplexing, the one true Ultimate Riddle.
oh wait, it looks like two can play at this game of cracking all these high falutin psychology books! AW SNAP!!!
I’M GOING TO GET DIABETES, HE IS SO ADORB. John keeps being the one and only beautiful cinnamon roll of the webcomic. Sorry, Jade, he snatched the title from you with such ease, such majesty!
but yeah, i got you this because i think you’re really creative and you could make something nice with it if you put your mind to it. and it might help you take your mind off a lot of all this serious business you’re always absorbed in. you know, all this weirdo pseudo-gothy stuff or whatever. frankly it’s kind of depressing.
JOHN, I’M GOING TO CRY. This is what Rose told Jade:
sub•tle /ˈsʌtəl/adj., -tler, -tlest.
hard to notice by means of the senses:the subtle smell of her perfume.
difficult to notice, perceive, understand, or explain: the subtle irony of his jokes. delicate or faint; mysterious: a subtle smile.
cunning, wily, or crafty: a subtle liar.
the act of digging
a thrust or poke, esp in the ribs
a cutting or sarcastic remark
informal an archaeological excavation
in a frank manner;
?????? WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT??????
Rose, honey, I’m afraid you are misunderstanding. You are barking up the wrong tree. Specifically, one could say your tree is in New Zealand and you are still stuck in bloody Canada.
The kids’ birthdays are all at the beginning of December except John’s, which is the same day as Bec’s. This was the third time it was brought up. Making it not simply a coincidence? Possible meaning: …WHAT? AM I SUPPOSED?? TO SPECULATE ABOUT??? HERE????
IT’S A TROLL IT’S A TROLL IT’S A TROLL. FINALLY.
Isn’t that monster… strikingly similar to those in Rose’s Grimoire… attacking a very purple sort of kingdom…. NO, WAIT. IT’S JUST ONE OF ROSE’S TENTACLE MONSTERS, RIGHT?? But you know, I have been re-reading the first acts and consequently her Grimoire and… the same monsters of Rose’s Grimoire that have been hinted to exist… are placed in the Furthest Ring, when the Incipisphere’s structure is indeed composed by rings and the Dark Kingdom is placed beyond the furthest one….. like it was showedhere… wouldn’t the moon of the dark kingdom at a certain point during its orbit… get just were the monsters are???! Much like Prospit’s moon orbits into Skaia?? So John and Jade get cute cloud mirages while Rose and Dave get THOSE FUCKING HUGE ASS MONSTERS??? I’m going to cry????
NEW CHUMHANDLESSSSS… Trollhandles…? How should I call them?!
……………..How do I make hypothesis about this one? Are you okay, kid? You sure? Centaurs represent the struggle between good and evil, moderation and excess, forgiveness and retaliation. They are also tamed by their instincts. Could make a really interesting character! …Unless they have a perverse obsession with centaurs and that’s all. I had the same problem with AG.
gallowsCalibrator! Or so it seems from what I see. Hey, it’s carcinoGeneticist’s counterpart! Basically, they never ever capitalize anything, and they are the nicest and sweetest person ever! But don’t be fooled! Because while CG is trying to help you not to fuck up, GC will lure you with their nice manners and be the one who will make you fuck up in the first place! Okay, no. I don’t know if they will really be opposites.
Gallows… WHOA, WHAT, GALLOWS??? Who are these kids, seriously??? Between Caligula, Armageddon and now this, I don’t even know. Calibrator…. Well, our kids want to become comedians and rappers, those kids hangman and tyrants. But who am I to judge?? They’re beginning to sound like they come out of a dystopian novel, honestly.
cuttlefishCuller! Mmmhh. Whose counterpart’s are you, huh? GG is taken, TT is too. The only remaining is AA, who isn’t even on the screen! AT is also missing! C’mon, guys, don’t be shy! I can’t wait to make useless speculation on your chumhandles too! Although to be fair CC is actually GG’s counterpart. And if they really happen to be opposites I SURE DON’T WANT TO MEET THIS ONE.
Now, back to the chumhandle… depending on what you mean by culler the meaning changes drastically. It could mean collecting cuttlefishes or isolating and banishing them! Who would be so evil to such nice creatures?? Not that they would care or understand but still rude. This situation is similar to what happened with caligulaAquarius. I hope that one of them loves aquatic fauna and the other hates it, they would have the BEST AND MOST RIDICULOUS FIGHTS. Like… CA is going to “accidentally” kill the cuttlefish pet that CC obviously owns and CA secretly never could stand, and justify everything with “I thought you might have wanted to prototype it! Really, I just did you a favor, you should thank me!”.
….Yes, I’m speculating about the relationship between two characters that I have yet to meet. Amazing.
arsenicCatnip! arsenic, in this case used as an adjective, containing arsenic, so basically poisonous. Catnip, or how to get your cat high in two easy steps, an herb. Mmmhh. I don’t really know what to make of this one. We probably got a feisty kid?? Because they refer to themselves as poisonous so maybe dangerous or something? Poisonous catnip.
Seriously, I don’t know. Just… I strongly suggest you do not leave animals in their care, especially not cats, if you want them back alive.
grimAuxiliatrix! The troll of the moment! AND ALSO THE FIRST WHOSE GENDER I CAN SAFELY GUESS. Auxiliatrix, helper, from Latin, noun, FEMININE. Hello, girl. Grim… so someone who is often forced to help others when they don’t want to? But let’s find out what she wants from our Rose!
……….Well, Rose. It looks like you found a rightful challenger to your wits and purple prose…. Umh. So why don’t you girls have your nice trolling session, I will come back later, when words are easier to understand and metaphor get of an acceptable length again. Buh-bye!
Oh, no. Oh, no no no. I tried to ignore it the first time but she did it again! GA, I just wanted to point out the fact that using human as an adjective like that…. can only be done when you’re are not a part of this species. But I fear that is what you were striving for, and I suddenly feel like screaming endlessly…
i still like her tho, i still like her
Rose doesn’t believe them. Do I believe them? I’m not sure. Aliens don’t speak English, nor do they know Latin, or what cancer, catnip, spiders and centaurs are. And they certainly don’t use Pesterchum. So, color me veeeeery skeptical. After all, they ARE trolls. Why should I believe to a word they say? I don’t know, I need to think this over.
I know she’s being sarcastic but… it really is not complicated. All you would need is a Sburb player with time powers who could merge (??) them with Pesterchum. I think it’s something one could do. They would need to be pretty talented, both with time powers and programming though.
THAT’S THE POINT. Rose never ceases to ask the right questions. Why put so much effort in this?? CG said they wanted to prevent Jade from “fucking everything up” and I now know there are no psychics here, only pretty cloud mirages. Cloud mirages seem to be related only to the player’s own game session. Therefore… Jade fucked up so thoroughly and amazingly, that she messed up those kid’s session too??? Through weird space powers or something?? (yes, I’m pretty settled on Jade being the Witch for the time being) WHAT DID SHE DO ANYWAYYYYY
Oh, my godness. Oh, dear. I just realized the sheer stupidity of this system. I want to meet the genius who thought it up. It’s what CG is doing, isn’t it?!? Whenever Jade blocks them, they just go back to a point in which they haven’t been blocked yet! IT’S RIDICULOUS. It makes things so unnecessarily complicated! Their future would be our kids’ past and their past would be our kids’ future! Ridiculous but potentially hilarious. Because Rose is a smart kid and got the hang of this system instantly:
But… imagine a conversation between say JOHN and another troll OR EVEN BETTER, a conversation between John and CG. Just John understanding virtually nothing and CG perpetually screaming. It’s going to be so majestic. NO, WAIT EVEN BETTER, DAVE AND CG. OH MY GOD. I CAN’T WAIT.
And so a beautiful friendship was born. By that I mean that Rose chose to play along and troll this girl back. So sorry, GA.
Months in the past, at the Striders’ household, lived a boy who would one day become a Knight. But for the time being, nobody, not even himself, fully realized what his and his BRO’s apartment really concealed; a vault of horrors. So one day some business men in a suit came and rang the bell. They happened to be the Child Services. BRO, obviously alarmed, took his shitty katana and— Okaaay, okay. I will stop.
OHHHHH, MY GOD. His shades. He is a mini copy of BRO. Just… Just no. Plus, they look ridiculous on his face. Maybe it’s because his face is just so round. It clashes.
CAN’T YOU TELL JOHN GAVE UP ON THE HAIR I’M LAUGHING SO HARD.
i just wanted to take a break from telling you how much your gay butt stinks all the time and say what an awesome friend you are. seriously, on any other day i would be downplaying how you aren’t really as cool as you think you are, but just between you and me i think you might actually be that cool.
THIS IS IMPORTANT. FOR DAVE HEARING THIS FROM JOHN, WHO IS THE ONE DAVE ALWAYS TURNS TO FIRST, IT’S IMPORTANT. I don’t know why John has been such a jerk to Dave lately, maybe it’s stress, maybe he’s slowly snapping, but… THEY’RE SO EFFING CUTE. And I did not tear up at this, what are you talking about.
i think you just gotta get out of your bro’s shadow and spread your wings dude!!!
Isn’t this just what I’ve been saying from the start? That Dave needs to stop trying to emulate his brother and discover his own personality and his own hobbies????? John is such a dweeb but he is a dweeb who knows exactly what his friends need. And John and Dave need to go back to being super cool buddies ASAP.
so i got you these. they’re totally authentic! they actually touched ben stiller’s weird, sort of gaunt face at some point. i’m sure you’ll dig them because i know you lolled so hard at that movie. ok so for real, this is sort of a shitty present, but it is an ironic present because i know you wouldn’t have it any other way. maybe you can wear them ironically some time.
And so he never removed them from his face. He will cherish them till the end of times. Unironically. Completely, utterly unironically. What a beautiful dork.
they MIGHT even be more ironic than you and your bro’s dumb pointy anime shades.
Anime shades…. And he sleeps on a futon…. Fights with a katana…. Guys, BRO is an otaku.
ANOTHER ONEEEEEEE. Man, I’m meeting all these people today, it’s so nice.
AA and AT are finally here!!!!!!! So to speak…
apocalypseArisen!!! Such an optimist, cheerful chumhandle! You and TA buddies or something? Well, kinda ominous. Most likely related to Sburb, not their personality. Like, as I said before, with TA. The beautiful thing is that I don’t know if they changed the chumhandles after they began playing Sburb or if they were just both plotting to destroy the world together. ….I like the second option more. I need myself some cool villain.
adiosToreador! This one has a tragic backstory. Since they were little, there was only one thing on their mind: becoming a toreador. One day while they were training (yes, thirteen y/o kids can train to become toreadors, shut up) they had a oh-so-terrible accident! What? No, nothing that terrible. Let me explain. Kid was colorblind, alright? And on that fateful day they were meant to put on a maroon costume and take their red cloth, you follow? Only they messed up and switched the colors! And with a red costume… fighting a bull…. you can tell how that played out. Kid never had the courage to enter a bullring ever again. They like to remind themselves of this failure everyday thanks to their cool chumhandle. “FAREWELL, MY BEAUTIFUL FUTURE.”
…….I felt creative, okay?? I’m glad I’m finished with speculation on chumhandles, please don’t let me do this ever again.
Meeting the ex-bullfighter with Dave!
Kid, you forgot the caps lock on. Making every initial of the period a lower case letter. How the heck do they even type?!?? It’s like they want to scream in all caps but do not want to be rude at the same time or something, what the heck! It’s like CG rubbed off on them but not completely!
Dave just ignored everything the kid said to comment their typing style. Which is exactly what I just did. Dave Strider is my spirit animal. Dave Strider is a gift.
They’re trying so hard, OH MY GOD. ….human cortex….sigh.
I’M LAUGHING SO HARD, WHO WAS IT??? Please, show me this conversation, I beg of you, I NEED TO SEE IT. I DON’T CARE IF IT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED. I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED.
Sooo, umh, like… not only did Jade fuck up, but… huh, Dave also, maybe probably did? OH NO, IT’S RUBBING OFF ON MEEEE!!!!
Maybe??? Depending by your sexual orientation??? Or just how comfortable you are with innuendo??? Shouldn’t you know by yourself.
Dave, are you attempting to troll the troll????? Please, continue, I’m watching.
I’M GOING TO CRY, SOMEONE HELP.
I CANNOT BREATHE.
POOR KID. Dave, you’re gonna traumatize him or something! He delved into this head first without knowing what to do. GA said that trolling wasn’t her idea, but it sure wasn’t this kid’s idea either!
OH MY FUCKING GOD. He probably triggered the poor kid. Of all the people they could have chosen to troll, WHY DAVE.
PLEASE BE ONE OF THE TROLLS, PLEASE BE ONE OF THE TROLLS, PLEASE BE ONE OF THE TROLLS
The Aimless Renegade.
You have identified a couple of unwelcome rogues outside your present stronghold. They are in violation of your jurisdiction.
Oh, that’s why they were shooting. AR, you could just share, you know. And as I said before, they’re just a democracy maniac and a very passionate post LADY.
Despite your ordinarily striking marksmanship, you have spent your entire ammo clip without recording a single killshot.
PRAISE THE GODS
Yeah, weren’t they in Jade’s frog temple??
Nobody even made them. The temple just…kind of grew there.
THOSE ARE PROPERTY OF THE HARLEYS! Who is breaking law now, huh?
Really, who sent these suggestions, do you want to kill the dorks hidden behind that rock or what?
Stop rubbing my mistake on my face, okay?? She is a really badass lady.
Oh, COME ON. Here is another justice freak. I’m telling you, these guys are all here because they refused to fight the war or something similar.
They are becoming SELF-AWARE. Everybody run!!!
….Is that… a grenade….
……I swear… sometimes I really can’t deal with these guys’ bullshit.
Awww, Jade lost her electric bass in the temple. She will be so sad.
NOOOOO! AR, I’M THE ONE WHO SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU HURT THEM…
I still can’t believe she planned this all.
Yeah, I agree. Jade can be confusing. With coquettish riddles and such.
……..I STRONGLY SUGGEST YOU WAIT FOR THAT EXPLOSION TO HAPPEN BEFORE MOVING.
She’s looking at you like she wants to slay you slowly. If you stopped being a coward and started to fight properly, she would show you.
THE SHITTIEST AIM ON THE SURFACE ON POST-APOCALYPSE EARTH, Serenity could do it better.
AAAWWW, he’s trying to help PM…. PUTTING HIMSELF IN EVEN MORE IMMEDIATE DANGER, YOU FOOL!
The SBAHJ references, they never cease to amaze me.
….If he just gets mildly hurt, I’m going to kill AR myself. I love how WV isn’t even flaying about or something. He just stands there, motionless, as he is being launched through the air.
Jade, you almost killed them both to deliver that stupid present. I WON’T TOLERATE THIS.
SENDIFICATE!!!!!! A sendificator! And since Jade doesn’t have an apparifier for herself, she could ask WV and PM to get Dave’s copy of the game on her behalf and sendificate it back to her!
A cute butterfly…? Remember how I said that after a panel that seems unrelated shows up something horrible happens next?
AAAAAAHHHHH, GRANDPAAAAA!!!!!! Why would you kill the poor butterfly! You can’t even stuff it, that’s just cruel! Man, why must every relative of the kids be so messed up…
Oh, my gosh! I cannot stand this cuteness, this is too much. And Grandpa just randomly banishing poor butterflies out of existence in the background, yeah.
That was for future you, Jade!
Mystery arm spotted!
………John, I knew you two were exchanging bad fashion tips, I just knew it. Still, how do you explain…. the abomination…. YOUR HAIRCUTS!!
dear jade, happy birthday!!! it’s hard to thank you enough for your friendship over the years. heck, if it weren’t for you i wouldn’t even have met rose and dave, so that is like, THREE TIMES the friendship! that is almost like, TOO MUCH FRIENDSHIP. ha ha. i only wish i could get you something for your birthday that could remotely make up for what you’ve given me, but of course that’s impossible. so here are a couple silly things anyway!
This cheesy dumb letter did not just make me tear up. It did not. Absolutely NOT. And she introduced the kids to each other… though it probably was this letter in the first place, wasn’t it?
i went to a weird asian store the other day and saw this rad shirt, so i got it and i’m wearing it now! but there was a blue one too which was way more awesome, and i wanted you to have it. i know you like green a lot, but maybe you’d like to try wearing blue sometimes? i bet you’d look like a million bucks! also i know you’ve been frustrated lately about how your pumpkins keep disappearing. well, i can’t begin to explain why that’s happening! all i can do is give you these so you can plant some more. don’t give up, jade! wherever those dumb old pumpkins went off to, i’m sure you know the fun is in growing them and taking care of them until they’re ready!
She liked green?? And they switched colors??? I guess little Jade will just be really confused.
Nah, don’t worry, she got it a little early, actually… like, probably nine years earlier, nothing to worry about.
John preemptively put everything into motion, without even knowing.
AR is destroying something else?
IT’S JUST DAD! Destroying Jack Noir! I told you, dog. I warned you about DAD!
WHOA!!! Back off!!! DAD is UNTOUCHABLE. You cannot touch him, harm him, least of all kill him! UNTOUCHABLE, I’m making a list with all the untouchable characters. Which basically amounts to everyone right now, huh.
NONONONO NONONO NO BAD!!!
PFFFFTAHAHAHAHAH! That could also work! But you are only giving him an excuse not to wear that thing. LOOK AT JACK’S FACE, OH DEAR.
I LOVE JACK NOIR. HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS GRACELESS DORKY ARCHAGENT? I LOVE HIM.
DAD, YOUR SON IS WAITING! IT IS TIME FOR HIM TO BE PROUD OF YOU!
Those things are just an everyday occurrence for Jade. She gets her omnipotent dog to carry her around, gets glimpses from the future, strifes with her dead grandpa. ~Just Jade Harley’s Things~
HERE WE GOOOOO, THIS WILL BE INTERESTING. Let’s hope Bec doesn’t catch her in there.
…..Later. Now it seems Dave is really getting down to business, and it only took him three acts, and one thousand strifes with BRO!
IT’S GETTING TOO REAL. I’M NOT READY— WAIT, NO, I’m kidding, I’m kidding, I’ve waited literal thousands of pages for this, GO ON.
Rose, I can understand Dave cracking jokes, but you?! You were kinda going to die for a moment there. I love this two together as a team, though, I can’t wait to see them in action.
And I can’t wait but I will have to, because it’s getting really late and I have to stop here! Plus, there is probably scream-worthy material in this one flash, I don’t want to wake up the neighborhood or anything.