Everything about this picture is completely hilarious. The harlequin has lost an arm.
You have no other choice. You are going in.
CLEVER DISGUISE, it’s time to work your magic.
Good luck with that, kiddo.
Everything about this picture is completely hilarious. The harlequin has lost an arm.
You have no other choice. You are going in.
CLEVER DISGUISE, it’s time to work your magic.
Good luck with that, kiddo.
There is only one way to settle this.
Yes, you tell him that he can stop baking and ask him if you can take your pa—
But the real question is:
Does DAD do all this for laughs and/or to piss off his son or is he genuinely well meaning? Because that changes a lot.
Is he just like ‘Here SON, take all this damned cakes because it is your BIRTHDAY and I am so PROUD of you, SON! Also all that harlequins stuff, you obviously LOVE it, right? How can someone NOT like it!’
And John does nothing to stop this, and just shrugs it off as his father being weird?? But DAD is trying? Am I making myself SAD?!? Over faceless parents in a webcomic?? I need to get a grip!?!
Sassacre you beautiful bastard.
You got the SBURB BETA!!!
Everything in your SYLLADEX is smushed between the CAKES. Why don’t you think these things through first??
John, why do you keep doing this to yourself? Can’t you use your hands for a change?
To the left is the BATHROOM. To the right is your DAD’S ROOM. It is locked, and you are forbidden from ever entering. He has secrets.
I’m not even going to make any guess.
Do you see this?!? Do you see this?! Do you know what that means??!!! NO?!
Well, shame on you.
…
….What? You were expecting me to tell you? That’s too bad.
DEFINITELY A GIRL.
She seems pretty excitable! Or maybe it’s just because it’s John’s birthday?? Which reminds me: she actually remembered to wish John happy birthday! Unlike someone else… I am looking at you, TG and TT… Well, to be fair, I have no idea if TT knows about it, if she did she didn’t mention it anyway.
Wait, don’t go! I wanted to see you and John to interact! Waaaaait, she stayed connected from 16:34 to 16:56?? Does that mean she just stood there staring at her screen waiting for his reply? Or just that she was online? Who knows.
In which TG gives us further confirmation that:
How do you break your leg on a puppy?!
It seems this is just how they roll, insulting each other. Which is what strong friendships are based on, if you ask me. This guy will turn out to be the dorkiest of all, won’t he?
ARE WE SERIOUSLY DOING THIS RIGHT NOW
Also, what a cute browser theme, in stark contrast to that horrible wallpaper.
You decide to space out on the computer for a while before doing anything important.
You open the TYPHEUS web browser and direct it to what is indisputably the most amazing website ever created.
We do not need to space out anymore, John.
BUT ARE WE SERIOUSLY DOING THIS RIGHT NOW
WE ARE SERIOUSLY DOING THIS RIGHT NOW
I-Is that blood??
Oh my gosh! Thank you!! Though it is kinda hard to make a quality commentary when the protagonist does nothing but sneaking around and get hit in the face with cakes! （￣へ￣)
Greetings to those that followed overnight!
I hope you will enjoy watching me as I rant relentlessly at John while he accomplishes nothing whatsoever! But… could it be? Are my eyes lying to me?
> John: Install the Sburb beta.
Is he really going to do it? I don’t trust him anymore. Next panel he is going to be playing sudoku or something, I can feel it in my bones. (╥_╥)
You decide it’s time for less meta, and more beta.
You insert the CD and install the SBURB BETA.
WHAT THE FUCK IS T— Oh. You could say that, John. (Wait, was that the narrator speaking? I don’t get this.)
Why, oh why, did I dare getting my hopes up?! It is now obvious that I’m gonna watch his tomfooleries for another hundred of pages or so.
He could at least keep his bookshelf clean, what is that gunk on those books? C'mon, kid.
This one is dictated by the logic of a QUEUE DATA STRUCTURE, operating on a “First In, First Out” method, rather than a “First In, Last Out” method of a STACK.
JOHN!!! If you alternate the modus you can say goodbye to all your sylladex shenanigans!!!! Please, do realize this.
Items captchalogued in your SYLLADEX are no longer immediately accessible. You can only use the item on the bottom card, and must wait for items on upper cards to be pushed back to it.
For instance, the RED PACKAGE is now inaccessible. You can only use the RAZOR at the moment.
This modus doesn’t strike you as a significant upgrade to your previous one. In fact, it almost seems more inconvenient. You figure you might as well give it a chance though.
He did not realize this. Then again, what was I even expecting?
AUUUUGHHHHH. John, a goldfish scientifically has a better memory then you. That was literally three godforsaken seconds ago.
Aah, this is actually such good news! Not that I dislike John, on the contrary, but still a little variety is always good. I’m getting kind of bored here! Well, to be honest, more frustrated than bored… I know big things will happen. The problem is: WHEN will they??
Actually, I already have someone who filters asks for me! :) Same person who made me start liveblogging Homestuck! I gave him the password, he checks the inbox and tells me when it is safe to go and reply to asks! I’m also forbidden from going through the notifications, there are apparently spoilery icons, addictions to posts and even urls. He makes it sound like if I look at the activity section I could get the whole thing spoiled for me. I don’t know how that is even possible. (¬_¬)
You’ve finally found a use for all these loitering pastries: DEAD WEIGHT.
Can’t wait for them to get pushed out of your sylladex and hit you in the face for comic purposes.
THIS THING IS GOING TO GET HIM KILLED! And look at that! He is not even phased, just disappointed. Anyway your haircut was already an abomination, John.
Oh good lord.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE.
You wish the RAZOR would have failed to launch.
HOW ABOUT WISHING NOTHING SHARP STABS YOU WHILE YOU MESS AROUND WITH THINGS, INSTEAD??!!
You kind of deserved this. I hate to say it.
I’m kind of enjoying this… a lot. Sweet, sweet revenge.
You open the package. There is something suspicious inside.
Something suspiciously dirty and smelly.
This is a present from TG. This better be good or I’m judging you. He didn’t even wish his friend happy birthday. This better not be a prank.
WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT SMILE! TG is totally forgiven. And if I remember correctly, Poe’s daughter initially wanted nothing to do with that bunny.
Wait just a tiny little minute!!!!! The same bunny?! The one used in the movie??? How in heck did he get it?!
I tip my hat to you, TG. I made a mistake. You are a great friend. You got him that bunny even though you find it nerdy and you don’t even like that movie. This speaks volumes to how much you care.
Shouldn’t you be getting a request or something?! So that not everyone can just connect to you? Like some kind of stalker? Or TT, for that matter?
She really is eager to play this game. Almost as much as me.
She knew about the bunny! Now I’m picturing TG fangirling about how his present is gonna be so amazing and about how much John is gonna love it with TT. It is hilarious.
So there is a client and a host?? But… that’s two people… how are the four of them going to play the game together?!
THIS WAS ABSOLUTELY WORTH ANOTHER ONE HUNDRED PAGES OF JOHN BUFFOONERY.
TT, what are you doing.
John is a beautiful cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure.
You find your missing STACK FETCH MODUS, and quickly reapply it to your SYLLADEX. You can now opt for either the STACK or QUEUE modus any time.
You toggle between your FETCH MODI with gleeful abandon.
I just screeched very loudly.
It looks like your DAD is leaving again for more baking supplies. You’re relieved to have the house to yourself again, if only for a few minutes.
You just hope he doesn’t notice the MAGIC CHEST on the roof. Or all the shit you threw out the window, for that matter.
I was going to say that anybody with eyes would notice it but then—
I only just noticed we are giving commands to TT now. WHEN ARE WE GOING TO MEET HER?!
Not trying to be a killjoy here but
Oh, God. I think I remember too, John. You’re so fucked if I’m right.
TT asks the right questions, and I love her for it.
………
If we are really going to switch POVS, we will get to play as TT sooner or later. And that means… I will be forced to see hundreds of pages of other sylladex shenanigans… only this time from TT’s point of view…
My raging desperation aside, it appears they are beginning to loosen up, because at the start their conversations seemed a little awkward. I could be wrong though.
But why must you be such an adorable nerd?!
What? TT doesn’t know either?! Then why was she so set on playing?? Mmhhh, suspicious.
THIS IS GOLD. Please, direct your attention to “2busy4this”. Also, I need to know DAD’s nickname.
The SERIOUS BUSINESS application is open. It seems your DAD uses it to keep tabs on various acquaintances… his fellow street performers, maybe?
You guess the performing arts must be pretty serious business after all.
……..It sounds to me like they work in an office. But I should hope John, 13 years of age, does know what his father’s job is. I should trust him.
I forgot her chumhandle was tentacleTherapist. (And yes, I’m learning the lingo.) And she keeps asking the right questions. I like this girl.
Pfftt, “enormous platformy thing”. If I’m going to learn the lingo, then you should do so too, John.
Yes, because standing on top of it is so very cautious, right??
This isn’t very cautious of you, actually.
Thank you, narrator. Bless you, narrator.
IT IS IN MOMENTS LIKE THIS THAT I REALLY WISH I KNEW HER REAL NAME, SO THAT I COULD SCREAM IT VERY LOUDLY.
That is NOT a proper reaction to this event, TT. You do not say “Whoops” to that. And John, trust me, you don’t want to know.
DEFINE “under control”, TT. Don’t worry, pay no mind to the girl who is totally going to destroy your home. DAD won’t notice.
Kids are like fucking ninjas nowadays, aren’t they?
You take the SLEDGEHAMMER and the CAPTCHALOGUE CARD, combine the two, and quickly apply it to your STRIFE SPECIBUS.
You think it’s cool that things don’t always have to be a federal fucking issue.
You cannot understand how much I agree.
PLEASE BE GG, PLEASE BE GG, PLEASE BE GG!
*CRACKS KNUCKLES* HERE I FUCKING GO!
Yeah, it is this game, GG. Nothing too important. It can alter space and reality, but to that I say: No big deal. We’ve seen weirder things, haven’t we? Humans have been in outer space!! You cannot be questioning things as trivial as this!
John you shouldn't await your father’s return so eagerly. He is going to ground you for a whole year when he sees this mess. Then you really will be….
….
………
………………..
……………………………..Homestuck.
Feel free to unfollow after this, I’m not going to judge you. I would unfollow myself if it was actually possible to do such a thing.
Oh, gosh. How does someone even sound so cute?! Be careful, John. She is also competing for the “most beautiful cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure, etc. etc.” title. Her game is strong, and I haven’t even seen her yet!
…At least if she survives the explosion thingy.
Aww, look at the nerd being actually worried for her well being. It is so nice to see online friendships portrayed this way. Just like regular ones, only they live far apart. Add the frustration of not being able to see each other face to face, and there you have it!
Sooo, it is not just because of John’s birthday?? She really is that excitable… actually, excitable is not the right word… fiery?? impetuous?? Yeah you can totally tell I’m looking those up on thesaurus. Pick your own:
I really have no idea.
I am enjoying the pesterlogs between these two so much. Thirteen y/o kids being thirteen y/o kidSAUUGHHH—
WHAT THE FUCK WAS SHE EVEN TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH???
WHY THIS??!! WHY ME??!!
WHAT THE FU—
I SWEAR ON MY FREAKING HONOR, WHEN I GET TO KNOW WHAT HER GODFORSAKEN NAME IS, I’M GOING TO EDIT THE POST AND RANT AT HER PROPERLY.
Edit from Future Me, In Date 10/02/15:
ROOOOOOOOOOOSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE— YOu know what I’m not so up to this anymore. Where’s the anger?!? Where is the passion?!? It all faded in the void. Time passes, people changes. So many things happened but I have to stay true to myself. So I’m sorry but I’ve failed you, Past Me. You will get to know her and eventually forget this, I know it sounds difficult right now, but you really will. Just trust your future self. ;)
…..
…………
……………….what am I doing.
Meanwhile, unperturbed:
Unbeknown to him (and his poor, poor father), this house is getting wrecked. You know, I just really want him to return only to see how the author is going to picture a very surprised face when DAD has no fucking eyes or mouth. How is he going to pull it off?? Incredible.
As you should.
OH, GOD. That strategical position, that face, that— Just EVERYTHING.
Nerdy boy can be cool if he wants, TG should be the one taking freaking notes, not the other way around.
Really?!? I’m blushing over here! Wait, are you actually encouraging me to make more puns? Are you sure? Are you really ready for it? Well, you brough this upon yourself. I’m only gonna act on it.
I hope she’s blowing this out of proportion. Of course she is. There is no way her mother habitually sips gin and makes fun of her or something, RIGHT?!
Please, I cannot stand this. Let TT have a normal family. John’s relationship with his father already irks me and it’s not even that bad. They just have some communication issues. As in, John has to build up the courage to tell his father he doesn’t have to enjoy everything DAD enjoys and they should talk a lot more, not avoid each other, etc…
NO, JOHN. YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. IF THIS TURNED OUT TO BE TRUE THAT WOULDN’T BE NEARLY PARAGONABILE TO YOUR SITUATION. FOR GOD’S SAKE, JOHN, YOUR DAD LEAVES YOU MESSAGES TELLING YOU HOW HE IS SO PROUD OF YOU! YOU JUST DON’T LIKE CLOWNS! PLUS, YOU’RE NOT EVEN TRYING WITH HIM, YOU TRY TO AVOID THE POOR MAN.
I need to calm down.
I can’t believe he had to stand on top of that thing to hit the platform.
But if he cannot even raise that hammer in the air how will he be able to efficiently use it as a weapon in the future?! Cool birthday present or not, I blame you, TG. I’m angry at you again.
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING.
Alright, Ominous countdown is ominous but have you guys failed to notice that fluctuating ball of doom?!
……..If the walkthroughs are all cut short at this point, wouldn’t it be safe to assume something horrendous as happened?! Or even better, that since there is a countdown going on, they have a better time management skills than you guys, and are actively trying to stop it?! To the hell with that walkthrough?
The shards of glasses make theit glorious return! And I had completely forgotten about them! Shame on me!
I didn’t know it was even possible but that doll is now 200% creepier.
Suddenly I understand everything, thank you, fluctuating ball of doom. Oh, where would we be without your valuable assistance?!
Way to put all the weight on TT’s shoulders now! Wait, WHO CARES ABOUT THE BATHROOM??????
John, in moment like these, I really kind of despise you.
Time management skills: 2/10
Priorities set straight: -4/10
THAT THING IS CREEPY AS FUCK.
Also, she said they were going to prototype that thing, I just wasn’t paying attention.
Intelligible bullshit has been updated to incredibly creepy intelligible bullshit! What an incredible development!
Kids gotta be kids, dorks gotta be dorks.
He will learn the lingo when he is out of imminent death peril, TT.
That is not perfectly generic object. That has a shape and a color!
The PDA is predictably jettisoned into the yard, over the neighbor’s fence.
Adieu, possibilities to talk to anyone ever.
Yes, your kernelsprite is getting even creepier, it keeps surprising me in that aspect.
Why did we do that, John?!
Yeah, “perfectly generic”, alright.
Oh, no. Fuck that.
John, you brought this upon yourself. This is solely your fault.
John, it has been nice to know you, I’m sorry if I’ve got a little angry. I now understand you can’t help it. You just have to be that ridiculous. I hope you will stay true to yourself until the end. Goodbye.
Yes just like that
If someone ever asks me what Homestuck is, I’m just going to send them this picture without contest.
But… How have you left him hanging… If he is literally fluctuating in the air?!
…
……Gosh, that was horrible even for my standards. I apologize.
In which John listens to my advice and keeps being ridiculous.
It is tempting because they strongly resemble Rockin’ Blue Raspberry Gushers. However, units of BUILD GRIST are a gaming abstraction and do not seem to exist on the physical plane!
I’ve finally found a way to describe this inexplicable phenomenon. Thank you, Andrew Hussie. You always come through.
You cannot be working on the bathroom, TT. It is like grist. It does not exist on a physical plane anymore. There are times when you just have to give up.
PFFFFAAAHAHAHAHAHA. He did it! He managed to make him look dumbfounded somehow, even though he has no eyes nor mouth. Amazing.
OH BOY That’s a lot of talking for someone who’s dead meat.
That is:
Nope. It just so happened that a freaking comet decided to strike his house while an impending countdown of doom is tickling! Step up your game, TT! It’s so obvious!
Player: John Egbert.
Number of fucks given at this point: NONE!
Priority sorting skills: STATUS: swiftly raising!
I TOLD YOU GUYS, HE WAS TOTALLY FANGIRLING ABOUT THE PRESENT.
He already knows???? Just how often do he and TT talk??
NOT A PROPER REACTION x2 COMBO!!!!
GG, you’re our last hope. Show some fucking emotions when your best friend tells you he is probably going to die.
You know, TT and TG are actually quite similar. They also both have little to none grasp of reality. They fail to realize the real weight of an event and its consequences. BUT that could come in handy later on! In critical situations they could put their feeling aside and act faster! Unlike John here, who just managed to work himself into a tizzy.
Why is he monologuing.
Everytime TG says something, anything at all, I end up with tears in my eyes. It’s glorious. It’s a little mystifying. IT’S “MY BEST FRIEND IS GOING TO DIE IN TWO MINUTES OR LESS! OH GOD! I WILL JUST KEEP SENDING HIM RANDOM CRAP UNTIL HE REPLIES AGAIN! I WILL NEVER GET TO THESE LEVELS OF DRAMA AGAIN!” kind of bullshit. This kid is a national treasure.
I’M GOING TO MURDER HER.
You retrieved the CRUXITE DOWEL.
DAD just shrugs and heads back downstairs, presumably to do some more baking.
I retire what I said about John and DAD’s relationship. I doubt just talking more is going to work. DAD has a lot to talk about, alright. BUT TO A
THERAPIST.
Someone who might help him. It is going to take time, but there is still hope… probably.
On the bright side, it can’t possibly get worse than th—OH GOD
This deserves its own post. Later!
I would say she is the cutest girl I ever saw drawn in this art style, but then again she is the only girl I have seen drawn in this art style.
How could her name be on the tip on my tongue?! It has never been mentioned! …Right?
Hey, don’t you give me that look, missy. It was mister chivalry there before me that called you that, TG. Or as I like to call him: Apple Juice’s Aficionado. (No, I’m never going to drop this nickname ever, if that’s what you guys are wondering.)
Excuse me, I have a promise to keep. Something I swore I would do not so long ago. I will be back in a moment.
…..
Yes, that was completely pointless.
Wow, T— ROSE, I MEANT ROSE, (this is going to take a while getting used to) your room is kind of a mess. A very purple mess.
You enjoy creative writing and are SOMEWHAT SECRETIVE ABOUT IT.
She writes fanfictions, doesn’t she?
You have a fondness for the BESTIALLY STRANGE AND FICTITIOUS, and sometimes dabble in PSYCHOANALYSIS.
Sounds like I made an OC based on myself and inserted it in the webcomic.
You also like to KNIT, and your room is a BIT OF A MESS.
Knitting? That’s an unusual hobby for a teenager.
Everything is ominous in here, and the storm doesn’t help setting the atmosphere.
Who is this creepy man??
And on occasion, if just the right one strikes your fancy, you like to play VIDEO GAMES with your friends.
I know I’m being petulant now, but she claims that she only plays games that strike her fancy and yet, she was really eager to play a game she knew absolutely nothing about. Unless she was lying to John, that is.
PLEASE, NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN.
Why be so secretive, kid?? But do not fear, for I already know what’s in there! From previous experience, we know it’s a present. That is also Rose’s color, purple. That means the present is not for her, but from her to someone else. And a very nerdy boy just happens to turn 13 today.
Where do these suggestions even come from?
I’m saving that as a reaction image as it is the most versatile gif I’ve ever seen.
Oh, sheesh. As if that would stop me! I can just find those fanfictions on AO3 under user tentacleTherapist.
There, easy.
How do I get to know her if she keeps being so secretive?! Do I just search her room for clues?
Ah, yes. I also love Fluthus. My room’s walls are covered with posters of them. They’re such amazing…. They make such great…. FUCK.
Dang, the girl is good. If TG and GG can also play an instrument, I suggest a Conservatory AU! They’re all happy and have nice friends, don’t have shitty parents and generally don’t destroy the world by playing a game.
Doesn’t matter. Those four minutes should have run out a long time ago. More or less while TG was writing a poem to a very panicking and more importantly a very offline John. I guess in his own original way he was just saying goodbye and wanted his friend to remember him for what he is. A fucking dork.
Oh, but here she is.
Dear Andrew Hussie, thirteen y/o are not so short they have to stand up on their bed to look out the windoOOOH—
—OOOminuos as fuck.
She built a mausoleum for her dead cat?!?!? That seems a lot of money to throw away for ironic purposes, Rose. Just throwing my two cents here.
…… I swear this wasn’t planned.
There, you see. You’re misinterpreting. It’s a misunderstanding.
You can also make out a silhouette of the LABORATORY next door, a facility which likely broadcasts a strong WIRELESS INTERNET SIGNAL.
The laboratory next door. She says it like it’s normal. The lights are on in there though, just saying.
You may be able to connect to the signal from a different part of the house. Perhaps if you seek higher ground?
May I suggest—
— Oh, right. Too bad he’s dead. Maybe you can work something out with his corpse?
Well, to each their own, I guess. John had a book about magical frivolity and practical japery and she has a book FOR SUMMONING FUCKING MONSTER ABOMINATIONS.
Hanging just next— OH, DEAR. Here we fucking go again. I cannot bring myself to read this.
Ummmmmmmhhhh…
Umhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….
Oh, uh. Sorry, just thinking about something.
Last time one of the kids brought out irony and liking things IRONICALLY, it was TG and it was pretty fucking obvious that he did genuinely like them. A LOT.
Irony was a front. Why would you need to hide your interests and passions behind irony though??
BUT WAIT, I’m going to try and figure that out when I meet the other dork properly.
Now, I was just going to point out that what I said in the last post about how irony was unlikely involved, making a wild guess, could actually have some truth in it.
Aaand another little thing I noticed. John’s DAD collects harlequins and the kid doesn’t think much about it. He just says his father is a weird dude with a weird taste. Rose’s MOM stores wizard related stuff in the house and Rose thinks she does only in order to irritate her because her mom knows she DETESTS them.
Now, that’s a pretty different situation.
BUT HONESTLY, who doesn’t like wizards. Unless you are the Dursley family and your nephew’s name is Harry Potter.
WAIT, I GOT IT!!!! This is like Harry Potter’s situation, only in reverse. Her mom FREAKING LOVES WIZARDS. She tried to enroll in Hogwarts but failed. Now, she has this daughter and she shows interest in all this abnormal and magical things and she thinks: “This is it. Maybe I couldn’t be a wizard but my daughter will. I’M SO PROUD OF HER—” No, wait that sounds like John’s DAD.
And the letter comes. For so many years Rose’s mom has done nothing but talk about wizards and the like and Rose has come to DESPISE it. She just wants a normal mom and be a normal girl so when the letter shows up she is all like:
“THIS IS NOT MY DREAM, THIS IS YOUR DREAM, MOTHER.”
And this is the story of how Rose DID NOT go to Hogwarts and her mother consequently got depressed, and now she drinks gin to drown her sorrows and makes fun of her daughter using passive aggressive behavior.
They have their own observatory. Alright, okay. Perfectly normal.
FIRST THING FIRST:
ROSE, YOUR MOM SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME.
SECOND:
THIS IS SO NOT GOING TO END WELL.
I WAS GOING TO SAY SHE WAS OUT OF DANGER NOW (IF YOU CAN CALL MEETING YOUR MOM A DANGER) BUT
??????? HER MOM IS NOT BY THE WINDOW ANYMORE?????
IS SHE A FUCKING NINJA???? WHAT THE HELL. SHE JUST GOT AND DISAPPEARED. SHE’S A WIZARD, CONFIRMED.
What is that???? A ghost??? What??? It looks like an arm?????? Are ghosts part of Sburb too??? I want to leave this house and never return???
There is only one question between those above I can reply to with absolute certainty: the last one. Let’s return to DAD baking cakes.
WHAAAAAAT???!!!
WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT
I DON’T UNDERSTAND. THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!! ROSE IS NOT PLAYING!!! THERE ARE LIKE FOURTEEN METEORS THERE!!! JOHN ONLY GOT ONE!! ARE THOSE OTHER PEOPLE PLAYING??!! BUT SHE LIVES IN THE MIDDLE OF A FREAKING FOREST!!!!!! THERE HAS BEEN AN ERROR, PLEASE TAKE THOSE THINGS BACK!!
I DON’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING.
I’m sorry this post is such a wreck! I’m a wreck, the universe is a wreck, what are we??
……….
………………..
Rose, I-I don’t think you understand. That is not the face of someone who has fully realized their situation. (Rose’s situation in short: she freaking screwed.)
Here, let me sum it up for you:
AND I HAVE JUST REALIZED WE’VE NEVER SEEN HER LOOKING SO PLEASED WITH HERSELF. Girl, you have issues.
Adieu, John. You shall be missed.
….John, why are you typing with your eyes closed.
PATIENCE??? This girl really has no grasp on reality.
John: I’m going to die in thirty seconds!!!!!!!
Rose: Patience.
No, like…. that literally makes no sense unless you are making fun of him. He just told you he has no time left. You told him to have patience.
DOES THAT MEAN EVERYONE ELSE DIED?!! HOW MANY PEOPLE HAS THIS GAME KILLED ALREADY??
You probably should have just done this in the first place.
Don’t remind me, I’M STILL ANGRY.
You will reflect on how much dumb you’ve been when your friend is safe and sound, Rose.
Actually, you won’t have time to do that. Ruminating on every questionable thing you have done would take days. Especially in the bathroom. Please, let me forget about it.
Rose, Mr. Creepy Floating Clown there, has more common sense than you. Start asking yourself some questions.
Kernelsprite is having a mental breakdown. Does that thing actually have a conscience and a thought process??
……….
……………….
………………………..
You okay, John? Please be okay, you big nerd.
WHAT.
I-is DAD okay???
I was planning to make a post in which I shared my thoughts and a bit of speculations (mostly on characters) when I got to the end of Act 1. The most of it is already in my drafts but I have to reread what is already there and add things regarding the latest developments. Plus, I cannot concentrate right now. Like, not at all. The urge to start reading Act 2 is TOO STRONG. I know John is almost surely alive, but is that almost that throws me off. I need to know. I’m getting attached, I fear I’m experiencing a case of the so-called “feels”. Run while you can. Save yourself.
Yes. I’m ready. Here I go. ACT 2. I’ve got like three hours of sleep tonight and even those were disturbed by an incredibly vivid dream involving meteors and ghosts. Oh, well, BRING IT O—
WHAT.
NO, FUCK THAT. Look, I passed the last five hours trying to bring my lousy PC back to life, I’m not in a good mood. I’M GOING TO SLAY A MAN IF JOHN DOESN’T SHOW UP VERY, VERY SOON.
idontgiveadamn.jpg
What if I ask very very nicely??!!
Excuse me, Mr. Hussie, but haven’t we left off with a kid in an incredibly critical situation? Care to show us if he is still breathing? Pretty please??
….No?! Are you sure about that decision??
This is horribly vague. “Years in the future, but not many…” could mean two years later as well as twenty or something.
Mr. Vagabond, not to be rude but haven’t you noticed those very big buildings not too far from you? I think they might provide shelter an—
Oh, come oooon. Couldn’t I just miss this thingy? So that I could avoid to ask myself so many questions?? You know what? I won’t. This is a question I have absolutely no answer for. I need to let this go. Goodbye, ghostly thingy, have a nice life. Looks like a person this time.
Who are you, kind fellow? Also, bringing back previous speculations born through the observation of his drinking tendencies, TG probably lives in a fucking desert. So watch out, you could meet a very cool teenager who wants you to take notes as he speaks.
HE DOESN’T LOOK LIKE A HUMAN AT ALL. LOOK, IF I TRIED REALLY REALLY HARD, I COULD STAND THE PRESENCE OF GHOSTS BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT FREAKING ALIENS. I WILL MAKE AN EXCEPTION NOW BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE A CUTIE. EVEN WITH THOSE… BANDAGES??? WHAT ARE THEY?? MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION IS… WHAT ARE YOU, MISTER?? HE GIVES ME THIS FEELING… LIKE I CAN TRUST HIM.
CUE I RETURN TO EDIT THIS POST WHEN HE TURNS OUT THE BE THE EVIL MASTERMIND ALL ALONG TO SCREAM AT MYSELF.
“I THOUGHT I WAS GENRE SAVVY ENOUGH NOT TO TRUST SUSPICIOUS LOOKING ALIENS COMING FROM THE FUTURE!!!!!11111!!!"
I forgot the caps lock on and there is no way I’m rewriting this, sorry. <(‘o’<)
Aaaaaand now, he has found a Sburb related object. We also get confirmation he is not an inhabitant of Earth. If he was, he would do the most reasonable thing and LEAVE IT THE FUCK ALONE because every human knows what happens when you find a creepy looking game in the sand.
Rose doesn’t kid around and really got working on her walkthrough. I am strongly interested in the adventures of user ‘winnie the poop 2’, which also implies that simply 'winnie the poop’ was already taken. It is a sad day for humanity.
ROSE WHO NEEDS COPYRIGHT, THE WORLD IS ENDING. WHO WOULD BE LIKE: “There are meteors in the sky, everyone is in a panic, WE WILL BE ALL DEAD SOON, BUT FUCK IT I SHALL REPOST THIS WALKTHROUGH AS MY OWN AND— OH OH OH, I SHALL BECOME—
……
………..
……………….WAIT FOR IT—
…………………………..FAMOUS ON THE INTERNET!”
“I won’t embellish this and I will get straight to the point:
“Thee, Shepherd, thee the woods and desert caves,
With wild thyme and the gadding vine o’ergrown,
And all their echoes mourn”
Way to make someone feel bad about themselves. There were way worse people on the planet. Like people who genuinely enjoyed Fifty Shades Of Grey.
Except… you know, not playing the game, Rose.
WHAAAAAT.
You mean you are writing this stupid thing who isn’t going to help anyone anyway while you are still in that observatory and watch the meteors fall??? Does the little show inspire you, Rose??? Do you think they help you to find the right words to write this??
The ones who brought about the end of the world are also the only ones who have any hope to survive. That’s great and not unfair at all.
Trying to get screen-shots at the right time was a pain.
We get back to John!!! Everything is getting dark and ominous. There are monsters under John’s bed.
….
What do you mean how do I know they are monsters??? Pointy eyes on black backgrounds are always evil.
DAD IS OKAY.
Bless that expressionless man. He was still baking. BLESS.
That's ridiculous.
And yes, John’s house has been teleported (??) to the literal middle of nowhere and that is the first thing I noticed.
I decided to reply to asks at a later time and just keep liveblogging, hope you guys don’t mind. This is actually a very bad idea, since more liveblogging brings even more asks but whatever. Let’s go! (>‘o’)>
Looks like the kernelsprite had a purpose other than being hilariously creepy after all!
Farewell, Mr. Creepy Floating Clown, you actually provided a valuable service, and though you will cease to accompany us, your memories shall always remain in our hearts. I’m going to miss y—
…
……
……….
…………..I meant— What a wonderful surprise!
Ha-ha-ha….
Wait. I thought it was a sort of exclamation. Like “OH, BOY” or something.
John shrugs everything off unless it is the size of an elephant, on fire, and directed to his home.
Nothing phases him that much. Perhaps it’s because he is in constant presence of those clowns and gets pies thrown to the face almost daily. It was all just to prepare him. DAD knew better. DAD was preparing his son to Sburb. DAD is an example to follow, a role model, the perfect DAD.
You do not have any idea how much time I lost in DAD’s study only so I could keep listening to John’s piano refrain. SO BEAUTIFUL.
But it is really not me playing this sort of minigame, but this mystery fellow who keeps talking with John.
Most important points under the cut. ALSO, I LOST A BUNCH OF SCREEN-SHOTS AND AM NOW REALLY ANGRY.
Whoever they are, they don’t seem familiar with Sburb at all.
They don’t seem to have bad intentions.
JOHN HAS NO ART SKILLS WHATSOEVER
HIS DAD IS PROUD OF HIM
LAST TIME WE SAW HIM:
We still got electricity.
AND INTERNET.
JOHN IS STILL A FUCKING NERD.
I COMPLETELY MISJUDGED JOHN AND DAD’S RELATIONSHIP …KIND OF.
I HAVE AN INCREDIBLY HORRIBLE FEELING ABOUT THIS.
I HAVE LAUGHED UNTIL I CHOKED AND HAD TO GET A GLASS OF WATER.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:
BLESS JOHN AND DAD’S RELATIONSHIP.
Okay but, imagine John doing just that and Rose reconnect in that same moment.
She would totally take a screen-shot.