November 2014

Oh my god, Caliborn. Really? REALLY?!

I kind of really love how aware he is of his audience. This is all for us. I guess he’s just hoping that we won’t remember that he was ever so happy to have his own sister murdered. I mean, that probably was the worst thing that “happened to him,” because he pretty much doomed himself to permanently stunted immaturity, but I’m pretty sure he would never agree. Which is, in fact, tragic!

Don’t judge him by his hilariously murderous ways! Or by the fact that he can barely write a coherent thought. 


I keep coming back to this. He hates all non-cherubs who aren’t him. But he is a cherub, so he’s already exempted from his hate. Am I overthinking things? I’m pretty sure he’s not meaning to say that he’s not a cherub, but it’s a weird thing to say.

I love these pictures so much, you guys. These are the best pictures.

The no-bad angles! The yes-great angles! Beams of Pure Art Skill coming out of his eyes! (Also for a shitty artist who draws mostly using straight lines, Caliborn is actually halfway good at hands.) 

I don’t think Caliborn knows how a phoenix actually works. But maybe rising from the asses goes with the rest of his general homoeroticism (that is vaguely homophobic and really misogynistic). 

Oh fuck Caliborn is talking about a coming “masterpiece” while drawing the very thing that shows up in Calliope’s dream bubbly voidy place. And he’s talking about being a storyteller and he’s making a stage.

I am not okay with any of this foreshadowing. Not. Okay.

Caliborn cannot outswag Condie. Just can’t be done. 

I love Caliborn’s angry face on top of that huge pile of money.

Possibly Caliborn is exempting his humansona from hate because it's a non-cherub who is him.

Good thinking! 

The glitching is getting pretty fucking intense in that second picture. Are those supposed to be giant pixels? Maaaaan this isn’t good.

At least two of the planets are intact, though, I guess?

Is that supposed to be Yaldabaoth?!

I know he’s supposed to be Dirk’s denizen, so it’s not totally weird that he would be there, but holy shit if that is him I am SO EXCITED. 

I’m not sure how I should do my liveblog now that I’m reading it normal with everybody else, but I had to make this post because when I saw the flamesnake I legit threw up my hands all ohmahgod.

Guys, I just am really interested in gnostic mythology.

AH MY GOD IT’S DIRK HOLY SHIT IT’S DIRK AND THAT’S DEFINITELY YALDABAOTH or probably a busted up statue of him, which makes more sense, but I will hope until disproven.

And then it ends and I go D: 

This makes me wonder if John and Dirk will consult a denizen to find out how to fix this situation. Yaldabaoth would make sense, since he’s been Significant lately, but it looks like John’s planet is intact and John is still alive and present, so maybe Typheus. 

I think it's just the statue of Yaldabaoth from A6A4? real him would probably not be broken. but it does seem like he could show up in person soon and I'm really excited


I want to know more about the denizens. I want so, so badly to know more. 

Yes, you’re right, it’s just the statue.

I can’t decide if I appreciate or am annoyed by these midnight updates. 

I’m keeping myself from reading this, I’m much too tired. I want to enjoy what will probably be a very painful update when I am fully coherent.

Dirk. Oh, Dirk. You poor baby. It wasn’t your fault at all. You’re just a kid. None of this was your fault. 

I would say someone has to give that poor kid a hug but he has apparently glitched out of existence in some eldritch splintering of reality. 

For the fandom’s edification, I present to you the portion of the novel the Neverending Story where Artax drowns in the Swamps of Sorrow, since this update parallels a lot with at least the movie version of this scene, and I think it’s likely that Hussie has read the book as well, so having the book version can only help people with their theories.

I hope this helps people’s theories and stuff.

Please don’t judge the book by this. I think all Homestuck fans should read the book, it’s fantastic and Homestuck-esque in ways you would never get from the movie, but this section happens to be some of the weakest writing of the entire book. And don’t judge the book by the movie, either, they left out half the book and the best parts of the story…

Honestly, just read the book, pleeeeease.

Excerpted from Chapter Three

One morning, when time seemed to be standing still in the murky light, he looked out from a hilltop and finally glimpsed the Swamps of Sadness. Clouds of mist drifted over them. Here and there he distinguished little clumps of trees. Their trunks divided at the bottom into four, five, or more crooked stilts, which made the trees look like great many-legged crabs standing in the black water. From the brown foliage hung aerial roots resembling motionless tentacles. It was next to impossible to make out where there was solid ground between the pools of water and where there was only a covering of water plants.

Artax whinnied with horror.

“Are we going in there, master?”

“Yes,” said Atreyu. “We must find Tortoise Shell Mountain. It’s at the center of those swamps.”

He urged Artax on and Artax obeyed. Step by step, he tested the firmness of the ground, but that made progress very slow. At length Atreyu dismounted and led Artax by the bridle. Several times the horse sank in, but managed to pull himself loose. But the farther they went into the Swamps of Sadness, the more sluggish became his movements.

He let his head droop and barely dragged himself forward.

“Artax,” said Atreyu. “What’s the matter?”

“I don’t know, master. I think we should turn back. There’s no sense in all this. We’re chasing after something you only dreamed about. We won’t find anything. Maybe it’s too late even now. Maybe the Childlike Empress is already dead, and everything we’re doing is useless. Let us turn back, master.”

Atreyu was astonished. “Artax,” he said. “You’ve never spoken like this. What’s the matter? Are you sick?”

“Maybe I am,” said Artax. “With every step we take, the sadness grows in my heart. I’ve lost hope, master. And I feel so heavy, so heavy. I can’t go on!”

“But we must go on!” cried Atreyu. “Come along, Artax!”
He tugged at the bridle, but Artax stood still. He had sunk in up to his belly. And he made no further effort to extricate himself.

“Artax!” cried Atreyu. “You mustn’t let yourself go. Come. Pull yourself out or you’ll sink.”

“Leave me, master,” said the little horse. “I can’t make it. Go on alone. Don’t bother about me. I can’t stand the sadness anymore. I want to die!”

Desperately Atreyu pulled at the bridle, but the horse sank deeper and deeper.

When only his head emerged from the black water, Atreyu took it in his arms.

“I’ll hold you, Artax,” he whispered. “I won’t let you go under.”

The little horse uttered one last soft neigh.

“You can’t help me, master. It’s all over for me. Neither of us knew what we were getting into. Now we know why they are called the Swamps of Sadness. It’s the sadness that has made me so heavy. That’s why I’m sinking. There’s no help.”

“But I’m here, too,” said Atreyu, “and I don’t feel anything.”

“You’re wearing the Gem, master,” said Artax. “It protects you.”

“Then I’ll hang it around your neck!” Atreyu cried. “Maybe it will protect you too.”

He started taking the chain off his neck.

“No,” the little horse whinnied. “You mustn’t do that, master. The Glory was entrusted to you, you weren’t given permission to pass it on as you see fit. You must carry on the Quest without me.”

Atreyu pressed his face into the horse’s cheek. “Artax,” he whispered. “Oh, my Artax!”

“Will you grant my last wish?” the little horse asked.

Atreyu nodded in silence.

“Then I beg you to go away. I don’t want you to see my end. Will you do me that favor?”

Slowly Atreyu arose. Half the horse’s head was already in the black water.

“Farewell, Atreyu, my master!” he said. “And thank you.”

Atreyu pressed his lips together. He couldn’t speak. Once again he nodded to Artax, then he turned away.


Bastion was sobbing. He couldn’t help it. His eyes filled with tears and he couldn’t go on reading. He had to take out his handkerchief and blow his nose before he could go on.

Quick notes:

The Gem is how they refer to AURYN (the two twining snakes/our Cherub juju) most of the time. 

I included Bastian’s reaction because *sob* Dirk, you poor thing!

Oh god, Roxy’s little frown. Baby. :(

Terezi, you are the beating of my heart and the queen of my life. Headbutt the mopers and demand that this unacceptable mess be fixed! 

Not sure how she’s still alive, much less FLYING, but for real who cares, maybe she’s alive through the force of fury and awesome, the point is she is alive!

Huh, now I’m wondering if the retcon fixing things will have anything to do with the special stardust getting shoved into the cartridge. I mean, all of the 

That would erase a lot, but retcons from other points would still need to deal with the glitching. Which is apparently only going to get worse.

There wouldn't have been the fizzle had it actually worked. While the visual callback is neat, I think the update is further evidence that Terezi has stopped being a Seer of Mind and is (at least) ghosting inversion.

Also, a strict reading of the visual parallel is that because Terezi failed to use her Mind powers, she faced them down the shittier path.

Or maybe she used it so hard that her head started smoking?

Interesting, though! I am excited to be proven wrong.

This update legit appeared as I was going through the last update to refresh myself. I got to the first new page and was so confused.

So assuming that most denizen choices go along the lines of martyr or tyrant choices, is choosing a do or die option considered the martyr choice? 

Probably more likely that martyr/tyrant is a master class choice most often, but honestly I am so bummed that we don’t get to know what his options are. Or see his interaction with Typheus at all. I’m just still dying to know more about denizens, y'know? And I’m worried we’ll never know, because keeping ambiguity is a good storytelling choice. 

Think it’s significant that Jade said the right choice “seems obvious” rather than is obvious? 

If Jade hadn’t said outright that the decision came before this I would assume that teleporting himself or teleporting the oil was the choice he made. Then again, John did basically decide to pollute the entire past to clean his planet and save himself. 

I love the Matrix reference though!

Anybody thought about how the miasma theory applies to the special stardust glitches? The miasma theory was basically that certain illnesses were caused by “bad air” or particles suspended in the air. This is why plague doctors wore those ridiculous masks

I’ve heard that the cure for such diseases was thought to be good air–which is why tuberculosis patients would be sent to various “clean” locations–but I heard those things in English class (miasmas were often referenced by people like Shakespeare and used as a metaphor) and can’t find anything to back it up right now. But if it were true, John would basically be providing the good air that clears out the miasma.

Also the whole blow in your cartridge to fix it thing, but it’s 1:30am here and I know if I put off making this post till morning I’ll never make it so.

So I made an audio reaction video because last time I didn’t but I got a request to, sooooooo. It was a super cool flash. 

In other news, cats are assholes.